Polynya

“I can join?” she shouts over the brassy, ear-shattering choon.

Ryuk nods and extends membership.

Enway Rosa, Level 15 High Elf, has joined your guild!

Chapter 24: After Party

The four Mitherfickers respawn at the top of the stairs. It’s been an hour, they’ve boogied down, and after bidding his fans farewell, FeeTwix gave the “wrap it up” signal and used his magnetic device to call Hiccup back to their platform, much to the goblin’s chagrin.

Ryuk is practically giddy as his avatar takes shape.

He danced with Enway, it was nice, they were close, and he had a fucking good time, the best time he’s ever had at a public gathering.

“I’ve got to go to more of those,” he says under his breath. He suddenly wishes Enway could join them, but he knows that someone needs to look after Yangu and take care of Oric.

He smiles. The guild is really shaping up.

A bit of light peeks in beneath the door leading to Porthos, but with all the neon accoutrement Hiccup is wearing, the four could have spawned completely in the dark. The goblin has green glow sticks twisted into his pink hair, bright reflective paint covering his mechanical arm, neon handprints over his hairy nipples, and for some bizarre reason, a pacifier hanging from his neck.

“Fick you guys and your Cinderella deadline. I was having a fickin’ blast! And get this damn tracking device off me!” He points a mechanical finger at FeeTwix. “But seriously, we NEED to get back there pronto!”

FeeTwix laughs and uses a small rod lit by a blacklight to remove the square he slapped on Hiccup’s back. It was a good thing he put it on there too; they would be goblin-less if it weren’t for that thing.

Then again, Ryuk thinks, goblin-less isn’t such a bad thing. He tosses the thought away; he feels too damn good to give Hiccup a hard time.

The goblin pops the pacifier in and gets to sucking.

“What?” he asks his guildmates. “This shit is laced with something! I’m fickin’ on fire over here. Fick yeah!” He throws a couple of punches, pacifier in his mouth. “Let me at ‘em!” He gives Ryuk a sour look and spits the pacifier out. “And what in the actual fick were you thinking when you let Enway join the guild? Seriously, Marbles, this is why we can’t have nice things.”

“The conversation is over. She’s in.”

Hiccup takes a deep, angry breath. “Fine, fine, fine. Whoo!” He claps his hands together. “Let’s go introduce ourselves to the Knights and then get back to the concert. I got fans to please and habits to appease! I saw some orc chippies there; you guys see them?”

“We came all this way to get to Porthos,” Ryuk reminds him, “not party all night.”

“Fick, kid, I’m telling you. While Tammy may have let you grab a titty every now and then, you’ll never, and by never I mean never, get yourself a choice bit of poontang if you don’t let your hair down. Live and let live, Marbles. You’re worse than a millennial, whatever the fick that is.”

To emphasize what he means by ‘let your hair down,’ Hiccup shakes the three glow sticks out of his pink locks. The three glow sticks plink down the stairs, tiny beacons in the darkness.

“This may not be as easy as we think, goblin.” Zaena says as she approaches the stone door. “And I am as disappointed as you that we had to go. But there will always be another party, and time is of the essence.”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s just get on with it!”

The Thulean smoothes her hands across the stone door as she looks for an opening mechanism. As she does this, FeeTwix thanks his fans for joining the Mitherfickers at the concert and reminds them that KFC Bell now has a new burrito stuffed with spicy fried chicken that comes with a Cheetos dusted ball of fried mashed potatoes and a thirty-two ounce fountain drink of your choosing. Once he finishes, he returns to Zaena’s side.

“Want me to blow it open, babe?”

“Blow it! Blow it! Blow it!” the goblin chants.

She laughs. “Not all puzzles in Tritania can be solved with alien tech.” Blue Thulean script flashes on the face of the stone and the door pops open. “See.”

The four enter into a long, underground storage space filled with barrels of green leaves, some sealed and others open, their scoops sticking out of them. Ryuk recognizes the logo on one of the barrels almost immediately.

“I know where we are,” he says before FeeTwix can figure it out through messages from his fans. “This is the Morla’s Place! We’re in Valhalla, not far from the Knights’ guild.”

“Morla’s Place?” Zaena asks. “The teashop? I thought they were all pop-ups.”

“They are, on the other continents at least. This is their headquarters.”

Ryuk points to the ceiling of the cellar. The sound of people talking and walking across a creaky floor suddenly becomes apparent. “They have a huge, three-story tea shop upstairs. All we need to do is slip out of here, and we’ll fit right in with the crowd that’ll be up there.”