Polynya

Wolf looks at him skeptically.

Zaena laughs. “You sure are lazy!”

“Lazy? It’s called smart, Liz, and once I’m at the top and you three are still walking your way up, we’ll see who’s fickin’ lazy then.”

“You’ll still be lazy then.”

“Wolf can’t come with us,” Ryuk reminds the goblin.

“Damn, Marbles, you act like I’m suffering from Early Onset Goblinheimer’s or some shit. I’m aware. Once he gets me up there, he can run his happy ass back to his owner. Let’s go!”

Wolf lugs Hiccup up to the top of the stairs, panting all the way. Once they arrive at the top, the goblin gets down and gives the big black canine a slap on the ass. “You’ve been real helpful, now git!”

Wolf looks at him, looks down to the three others, and sits on his haunches as they make their way up.

“Or rest. You do you, Wolfie,” Hiccup says as he pets the big canine with his mechanical hand.

It takes the Mitherfickers another minute or so to reach the top.

Hiccup yawns. “Glad you could join me. Whatever is behind this door,” he tosses his thumb over his shoulder, “better be worth missing a gobnap. I’m fickin’ pooped.”

“How?” Zaena asks incredulously. “You have barely done anything for the last hour.”

“Yeah, I barely did anything, aside from saving our asses by knifing Twixy.”

“No time for napping, Hiccup.” FeeTwix places his hands on his sides and stretches. “We have a concert to get to. It’s starting soon, and we promised to be there!”

“You promised for us to be there,” Ryuk reminds him.

“A promise is a promise! It’ll only be for an hour; plenty of time to meet and greet and then get our asses to Porthos.”

“Shit, you three go to the concert, I’ll stay here and guard the entrance. Don’t want any fickers figuring out about us.”

Zaena shrugs. “Fine, have it your way, goblin, but I’m pretty sure a lone goblin in the catacombs will attract more ink shadows. But you seem confident with ink shadows anyway, and you’re definitely a better gambler than most of them are.”

“Most? All, Liz, all.” Hiccup looks at Wolf. “Well, he could stay with me.”

“No, he needs to get back to his owner, Oric.” Ryuk approaches Wolf and places his hand on his snout. Wolf’s tongue comes out of his mouth and he licks at Ryuk’s hand.

“Hey, how come you never pet me like that?” Hiccup asks. “Fickin’ with you, Marbles, I’m not your little fickboy; I already told you that.”

“You tell me that a lot. You say a lot of stupid shit.”

“Well, that’s the best way to get one’s point across. Just keep saying the same stupid shit over and over until it sinks in. It works for politicians, and it’ll work for you if you ever hope to dampen your chalupa, if you get my drift.” Confusion paints across the goblin’s face. “Fick me, where was I?”

He glances to FeeTwix for help.

“You were, um, talking about how excited you are to come to the concert with us!” FeeTwix grins from cheek to cheek.

“Was I?” Hiccup shrugs. “Welp, that doesn’t fickin’ sound like me, but if there are babes, booze, and drugs – in that order – I’m down to get down. Now git, Wolfie!”

Wolf stands, stretches his front legs, and trots to the edge of the stairs. He looks back at the group one more time, nods his head at them, and takes off.

“I guess that’s his way of saying goodbye,” Zaena comments. “Cute.”

“Think again, Liz.” Hiccup’s nostrils flare. “You smell that?”

She cringes as the foul odor reaches her nose. “Filthy goblin!”

“Damn, Hiccup,” Ryuk coughs and tries to get as far away from the goblin as he can.

“Ha! That wasn’t me, fickers, that was Wolf!” Hiccup takes another big whiff and coughs. “Smells like DD’s BBQ, if you ask me.” He grins at his guildmates. “And that, Mitherfickers, is what’s known as a ‘parting poot.’ Damn, he even got me with that one!”

“All right, all right,” FeeTwix says as he waves the stench away. “Let’s get to the party!”

Chapter 23: DJ Ride the Lightning Rides the Lightning

FeeTwix presents them with a spawning point, and as soon as the four Mitherfickers touch it, they’re whisked away through a tunnel made of light, accented by sparks of lightning.

This, Ryuk knows, is purely for show. They are OMIB-porting, using the backbone of the Proxima Galaxy to travel. Bells and whistles such as this are added only to add a little flare, flare that a particular goblin seems to like.

“Fick me!” Hiccup says before he can even take in his surroundings. “That was fickin’ sweet!” The goblin takes one look at the screaming crowd beneath them. “Fick yeah!”

The Mitherfickers stand on a platform, one of many raised platforms in a concert space that spans as far as the eye can see. To the north is an elaborate stage surrounded by large holoscreens broadcasting a mirrored, pyramid-shaped DJ booth.

Their images quickly appear on the holoscreens and the surrounding crowd roars.

“For us … ?” Ryuk asks, butterflies whipping around his stomach.

“Fick no,” Hiccup says, “for Twixy!”