Lament for a lost lover

Never having been in a playhouse before I was in a state of great excitement. I had always loved to playact and now I was seeing it done in a professional manner. I knew the play and I settled to enjoy myself.

It was scene one of act two when Mistress Page came onto the stage. “What! have I ‘scaped love-letters in the holiday-time of my beauty, and am now a subject for them?”

She was holding the paper in her hand and my heart leaped as I watched her. There was no mistaking her. Harriet!

I turned and saw Carleton’s eyes on me. He was smiling sardonically. He had known.

He had brought us here for this purpose.

I turned my attention to the stage. She had changed little. Perhaps she was less slim. Perhaps she was a little older. But she was as beautiful as ever.

I was aware that Charlotte had grown tense. She had recognized her too.

I turned my attention back to the stage. I could not stop looking at Harriet. She had that magnetism of which I had always been aware and the audience was, too, for they had ceased to fidget and cough and there was a deep silence in the playhouse. I was deeply moved. I could not follow the play, I could only think of Harriet. What had happened to her? How had she come to this? Had James Gilley discarded her or had she left him of her own free will? Was she happy? Was she doing what she wanted? I would speak to her tonight.

I was aware of Charlotte tense beside me.

“Are you all right?” I asked.

“Did you see?” she whispered.

I nodded.

“He must have left her. She has come to this...”

Carleton whispered, “Silence, ladies. This audience oddly seems intent upon the stage.” I kept thinking of her, wondering about her. I felt exhilarated because I had seen her again.

“I must go to her,” I said. “I cannot leave without seeing her.”

Charlotte cried: “No, Arabella! It is wrong. We do not want to see her again.”

“I can’t ignore her,” I said. “I want to see her.” Carleton said: “I’ll take you to their green-room. She’ll be there, I doubt not.”

“Thank you,” I answered.

“Always at your service,” he whispered.

I could see that he knew his way about the playhouse. The management knew him too. We met a man and told him that we were friends of Mistress Page and would like a word with her.

It could be arranged, was the answer and I saw money pass between them.

For the first time I was grateful to Carleton.

We were shown into a small room and very soon Harriet came in.

“Harriet!” I cried, and I could not stop myself rushing towards her and putting my arms about her.

She embraced me. “I saw you in the box,” she said, “and I knew you would come to see me.”

Carleton bowed. “Your performance was superb,” he said.

She bowed her head. “Thank you, good sir.”

“I will leave you to talk and come and collect you in ten minutes, Cousin.”

Harriet grimaced as the door shut. “I never liked him,” she said.

“Harriet, what are you doing here?”

“I should have thought that was obvious.”

“Are you ... do you ...”

“I am one of Thomas Killigrew’s players and, believe me, that is something of an achievement.”

“But Sir James ...”

“Him! Oh he was just a stepping-stone. I had to get away. He was there ... providing the means.”

“So you weren’t in love with him.”

“In love! Oh, my dear romantic Arabella, always thinking of love. What’s the good of love to a girl who has to keep a roof over her head and has a fancy for the luxuries of life.”

“You are so beautiful. You could have married Charles Condey.”

“I see you had sour-faced Charlotte in the box tonight. I’ll warrant she won’t be here to see me.”

“You treated her rather badly, Harriet.”

“Badly? By being kind to a young man who clearly didn’t want Charlotte? But we waste time. Tell me, what are you doing? How do you like England now? How are the boys?”

“Very well and happy.”

“And young Leigh?”

“He’s handsome and knows how to stand up for himself.”

“He gets that from me, and you’re a good mother to him, are you?”

“Harriet, how could you leave him?”

“How could I take him with me? Oh, it was a wrench but what could I do? I could see I wouldn’t have been very welcome with you. Madame Charlotte would hardly want me there. Your mother was not prepared to issue an invitation. It was poor Harriet all alone again. So I said: James Gilley will get me there and I’ll be with him until I’m tired. I always wanted to get onto the stage and here I am.”

“Is it a good life, Harriet?”

She burst out laughing. “Dear Arabella, you always amused me. For me it’s good enough. Full of ups and downs ... always exciting. I was made for it. And you? Still brooding for Edwin?”

“There was never anyone like him.”

“What of Carleton?”

“What of him?”

“He has a reputation for being irresistible. I’ve heard he can pick and choose. Castlemaine herself has her eyes on him. He’s a bit too wily for that. He doesn’t want to get in the Black Boy’s bad books.”

“I don’t understand all this talk.”