The Mousetrap

(As they go) Have you seen the view from the terrace—it is really very fine.

(GERARD and SARAH exit the terrace to Right. HIGGS enters and crosses towards the lift.)

CLERK. (ToHIGGS) Excuse me, sir, but I am changing your room.

(HIGGS stops and stands up Left Centre.)

There was an unfortunate mistake . . .

HIGGS. What d’yer mean—mistake? Ah doesn’t want ter change my room.

(He moves above the table Centre.)

CLERK. Unfortunately we find that room was booked for Lady Westholme. We shall have to move you to the second floor.

HIGGS. Fer ’oo?

CLERK. Lady Westholme.

HIGGS. Lady Westholme! (He chuckles) That’s a rum ’un. Lady Westholme! Where is she?

LADYWESTHOLME. (Rising and advancing onHIGGS) I am Lady Westholme.

HIGGS. Oh! So you’re Lady Westholme. Ah’m glad ter meet yer. (He politely raises his hat.) Ah’ve been wantin’ ter meet you for a long time.

LADYWESTHOLME. Meet me?

HIGGS. Aye, you.

LADYWESTHOLME. Meet me—what for?

HIGGS. My name’s ’Iggs.

LADYWESTHOLME. ’Iggs?

HIGGS. No, not ’Iggs—’Iggs.

LADYWESTHOLME. Well?

HIGGS. ’Iggs—Halderman ’Iggs.

LADYWESTHOLME. Well?

HIGGS. (Chuckling) Ah coom from Lancashire—same as you do—but I see yer doan’t know ’oo I am.

LADYWESTHOLME. You’ve just told me, Alderman ’Iggs—Higgs.

HIGGS. Ah, but it doesn’t mean nowt to yer?

LADYWESTHOLME. Ought it to?

HIGGS. Aybe, by gum, it ought. But if yer don’t know why—I’m not goin’ ter tell yer. And another thing—I’m not changing any rooms.

LADYWESTHOLME. But that room was reserved for me.

(The lift door closes and the lift ascends.)

HIGGS. Do yer think I’m daft? Ah’ve been ’ere four days, and soon as you arrive ah’ve got the wrong room. But ah ’aven’t—see? Now if you wanted my room special—and coom ter me in a friendly spirit—I doan’t say I would of—but I might of—see? This may be King Solomon ’Otel, but you’re not Queen of Sheba. (He moves up Centre.)

(LADY WESTHOLME decides to ignore HIGGS and turns on the CLERK.)

LADYWESTHOLME. Unless I am moved down to the first floor by this evening I shall report the matter to the High Commissioner.

CLERK. But, your ladyship, I . . .

LADYWESTHOLME. I never argue.

(LADY WESTHOLME turns and exits up Right.)

HIGGS. (To theCLERK) And if you so much as shift a bluddy toothbrush from that room I won’t pay a bluddy penny.

(HIGGS exits on the terrace to Left. SARAH and GERARD enter on the terrace from Right, come into the room and stand Right Centre.)

SARAH. (As they enter) I certainly would love to see Petra—and I definitely couldn’t afford to go on my own.

(The lift descends and the door opens. RAYMOND enters from the lift. The door closes and the lift ascends.)

GERARD. Then I think you will come?

(SARAH turns and sees RAYMOND.)

SARAH. I—I’m not sure . . .

(GERARD looks amused and exits up Right.)

RAYMOND. (Agitated) I—I must speak to you.

SARAH. (Moving to Right of the table Centre, amused) Well, why not?

RAYMOND. (Moving to Left of the table Centre) You don’t understand. I’d like to tell you . . . (He breaks off.)

SARAH. Is anything the matter?

RAYMOND. I came down to see if Mother had left her spectacles on the table here. I—I mustn’t be long.

SARAH. Is there such a hurry?

RAYMOND. You see, my mother—(He pauses) You don’t know my mother.

SARAH. I caught a glimpse of her on the train last night, and I saw her sitting here this afternoon.

RAYMOND. You see—she’s not very strong. She’s got a bad heart. We—we have to take care of her.

SARAH. You seem a very devoted family.

RAYMOND. (Turning away Left Centre) Oh, yes, we are a very devoted family.

SARAH. Well, don’t sound so depressed about it. I’m sure it’s a very nice thing to be.

RAYMOND. (Moving to Left of the table Centre) Oh, how I wish . . . I can’t say what I want to say. (Desperately) I’ve no time. And I may never have the chance of talking to you like this again.