The Mousetrap

DRAGOMAN. I Christian dragoman. Name Aissa, all same Jesus.

LADYWESTHOLME. Most unsuitable. I shall call you Mahommed, so please don’t argue.

DRAGOMAN. As you like, lady. I always give satisfaction. (He moves aboveLADYWESTHOLMEand stands between her andGERARD.) You see—(He produces a handful of dirty and torn letters) here are testimonials. Here one from English lady—Countess like you. Here one from very reverend clergyman—Bishop—wear gaiters and very funny hat. Here letter Miss Coralle Bell, lady who act and dance on stage. All say same thing—Aissa very clean—very religious—know all about Bible history . . .

LADYWESTHOLME. (Severely) I hope you are clean. Those testimonials look filthy to me.

DRAGOMAN. No, no, lady—no filthy postcards. No hot stuff. All very Christian—like Aissa. (He pats his chest.) Aissa very clean. Very hygiene.

(MISS PRYCE moves down Left Centre.)

LADYWESTHOLME. (ToGERARD) As I was saying, we will start Tuesday. That will be four of us—Mohommed, you and—and now who is the fourth?

(MISS PRYCE moves to Left of LADY WESTHOLME and gives an apologetic little cough.)

Oh, yes, Miss Pryce, of course.

MISSPRYCE. So kind of you. Really, it will be a wonderful experience. Perhaps a little tiring.

LADYWESTHOLME. (Cutting her short) I never feel fatigue.

MISSPRYCE. It really is wonderful—in spite of all you do.

LADYWESTHOLME. I have always found hard work a great stimulant.

(MISS PRYCE moves and sits Left of the table Centre.)

I was about to say, Doctor Gerard, that that will leave a vacant place in the car, since Mahommed, of course, will sit beside the driver.

DRAGOMAN. I stop car, turn round and tell you everything we see.

LADYWESTHOLME. That’s what I’m afraid of.

(The DRAGOMAN goes on to the terrace, tries to sell curios to the ITALIAN GIRL, fails, moves to the desk and has a word or two with the CLERK.)

It occurred to me that if you knew of anyone suitable it would reduce the expense. I abhor useless extravagance. (She looks pointedly at SARAH.)

GERARD. Miss King? You were, I believe, expressing the wish to visit Petra. May I introduce Miss King—no, Doctor King—Lady Westholme.

(SARAH moves to Right of GERARD.)

LADYWESTHOLME. (Patronizingly) I am always glad to meet a young woman who has set out to make a career for herself.

MISSPRYCE. Yes, women do such wonderful things nowadays.

LADYWESTHOLME. Don’t be foolish, Miss Pryce. You had better go with Mahommed and buy that Keatings powder at the chemist’s. We shall probably need it.

DRAGOMAN. (Moving to Left ofMISSPRYCE) No, no—no bugs—no fleas. Everything very nice—very clean.

LADYWESTHOLME. Get the Keatings.

MISSPRYCE. (Rising) Yes, yes, of course, Lady Westholme. (She drops her bag.)

(The DRAGOMAN picks up MISS PRYCE’s bag and returns it to her. MISS PRYCE moves to the arch up Right. The DRAGOMAN follows her. She quickens her pace, protesting she does not want to buy anything, until they end almost running off.)

DRAGOMAN. (As they go) I take you curio shop, too. Crosses, paper knives, inkstands, all made out of olive wood from Mount of Olives. Very nice souvenirs take home. All genuine—no rubbish.

(MISS PRYCE and the DRAGOMAN exit up Right.)

LADYWESTHOLME. She’s a well-meaning creature, but of course not quite a sahib. Still, one mustn’t let her feel that. I do so abhor snobbishness. Well, Miss King, I hope you will join us. But please do not bring a lot of baggage. We shall travel light.

SARAH. I shall have to think it over.

LADYWESTHOLME. (Graciously) Discuss it with Doctor Gerard. (ToGERARD) I think we shall be meeting again at the High Commissioner’s at dinner tonight?

GERARD. I shall look forward to that pleasure.

(LADY WESTHOLME crosses to the chair down Right, sits and reads her paper. GERARD and SARAH move up Centre to the terrace.)