The Mousetrap

(CAROLINE and MEREDITH exit by the upstage end of the pergola)

ELSA. (stretching herself) I must have a break.

AMYAS. No—no, wait. There—oh, well, if you must.

(ELSA rises)

(He takes a cigarette from a packet in the paintbox, and lights it) Can’t you stay still for more than five minutes?

ELSA. Five minutes! Half an hour. (She moves downL) Anyway, I’ve got to change.

AMYAS. Change? Change what?

ELSA. Change out of this. (She crosses above Amyas and stands behind him) We’re going out to tea, don’t you remember? With Meredith Blake.

AMYAS. (irritably) What a damned nuisance. Always something.

ELSA. (leaning over Amyas and putting her arms around his neck) Aren’t you sociable!

AMYAS. (looking up at her) My tastes are simple. (As though quoting) A pot of paint, a brush and thou beside me, not able to sit still for five minutes . . .

(They both laugh. ELSA snatches Amyas’ cigarette and straightens up)

ELSA. (drawing on the cigarette) Have you thought about what I said?

AMYAS. (resuming painting) What did you say?

ELSA. About Caroline. Telling her about us.

AMYAS. (easily) Oh, I shouldn’t worry your head about that just yet.

ELSA. But, Amyas . . .

(CAROLINE enters down L.)

CAROLINE. Merry’s gone into Framley Abbott for something, but he’s coming back here. (She crosses below the bench towards the french windows) I must change.

AMYAS. (without looking at her) You look all right.

CAROLINE. I must do something about my hands, they’re filthy. I’ve been gardening. Are you going to change, Elsa?

(ELSA returns the cigarette to Amyas)

ELSA. (insolently) Yes. (She moves to the french windows)

(PHILIP enters up C)

CAROLINE. (moving into the room) Philip! The train must have been on time for once.

(ELSA comes into the room)

This is Meredith’s brother Philip—Miss Greer.

ELSA. Hullo. I’m off to change.

(ELSA crosses and exits up C)

CAROLINE. Well, Philip, good journey? (She kisses him)

PHILIP. Not too bad. How are you all?

CAROLINE. Oh—fine. (She gestures towards the terrace) Amyas is out there on the terrace. I must clean up, forgive me. We’re going over to Merry’s to tea.

(CAROLINE smiles and exits up C. PHILIP closes the door after her, then wanders on to the terrace and stands in front of the bench)

AMYAS. (looking up and smiling) Hullo, Phil. Good to see you. What a summer. Best we’ve had for years.

PHILIP. (crossing below Amyas toR) Can I look?

AMYAS. Yes. I’m on the last lap.

PHILIP. (looking at the painting) Wow!

AMYAS. (stubbing out his cigarette) Like it? Not that you’re any judge, you old Philistine.

PHILIP. I buy pictures quite often.

AMYAS. (looking up at him) As an investment? To get in on the ground floor? Because somebody tells you So-and-so is an up-and-coming man? (He grins) I know you, you old money hog. Anyway, you can’t buy this. It’s not for sale.

PHILIP. She’s quite something.

AMYAS. (looking at the portrait) She certainly is. (Suddenly serious) Sometimes I wish I’d never seen her.

PHILIP. (taking a cigarette from his case) D’you remember when you first told me you were painting her? “No personal interest in her,” you said. Remember what I said? (He grins) “Tell that to the Marines.”

AMYAS. (overlapping) “Tell that to the Marines.” All right—all right. So you were clever, you cold-blooded old fish. (He rises, crosses to the trolley, takes the bottle of beer from the ice-bucket, and opens it) Why don’t you get yourself a woman? (He pours the beer)

PHILIP. No time for ’em. (He lights his cigarette) And if I were you, Amyas, I wouldn’t get tied up with any more.

AMYAS. It’s all very well for you to talk. I just can’t leave women alone. (He grins suddenly)

PHILIP. How about Caroline? Is she cutting up rough?