The Mousetrap

MISS CASEWELL. (Handing him the paper) They seem to think it was a homicidal maniac. Strangled a woman somewhere near Paddington. Sex maniac, I suppose. (She looks atGILES.)

(GILES crosses to Left of the sofa table.)

CHRISTOPHER. Doesn’t say much, does it? (He sits in the small armchair Right and reads) “The police are anxious to interview a man seen in the vicinity of Culver Street at the time. Medium height, wearing darkish overcoat, lightish scarf and soft felt hat. Police messages to this effect have been broadcast throughout the day.”

MISS CASEWELL. Useful description. Fit pretty well anyone, wouldn’t it?

CHRISTOPHER. When it says that the police are anxious to interview someone, is that a polite way of hinting that he’s the murderer?

MISS CASEWELL. Could be.

GILES. Who was the woman who was murdered?

CHRISTOPHER. Mrs. Lyon. Mrs. Maureen Lyon.

GILES. Young or old?

CHRISTOPHER. It doesn’t say. It doesn’t seem to have been robbery . . .

MISS CASEWELL. (ToGILES) I told you—sex maniac.

(MOLLIE comes down the stairs and crosses to MISS CASEWELL.)

GILES. Here’s Miss Casewell, Mollie. My wife.

MISS CASEWELL. (Rising) How d’you do? (She shakes hands with MOLLIE vigorously.)

(GILES picks up her case.)

MOLLIE. It’s an awful night. Would you like to come up to your room? The water’s hot if you’d like a bath.

MISS CASEWELL. You’re right, I would.

(MOLLIE and MISS CASEWELL exit to the stairs Left. GILES follows them, carrying the case. Left alone, CHRISTOPHER rises and makes an exploration. He opens the door down Left, peeps in and then exits. A moment or two later he reappears on the stairs Left. He crosses to the arch up Right and looks off. He sings “Little Jack Horner” and chuckles to himself, giving the impression of being slightly unhinged mentally. He moves behind the refectory table. GILES and mollie enter from the stairs Left, talking. CHRISTOPHER hides behind the curtain. MOLLIE moves above the armchair Centre and GILES moves to the Right end of the refectory table.)

MOLLIE. I must hurry out to the kitchen and get on with things. Major Metcalf is very nice. He won’t be difficult. It’s Mrs. Boyle really frightens me. We must have a nice dinner. I was thinking of opening two tins of minced beef and cereal and a tin of peas, and mashing the potatoes. And there’s stewed figs and custard. Do you think that will be all right?

GILES. Oh—I should think so. Not—not very original, perhaps.

CHRISTOPHER. (Coming from behind the curtains and moving betweenGILESandMOLLIE) Do let me help. I adore cooking. Why not an omelette? You’ve got eggs, haven’t you?

MOLLIE. Oh yes, we’ve got plenty of eggs. We keep lots of fowls. They don’t lay as well as they should, but we’ve put down a lot of eggs.

(GILES breaks away Left.)

CHRISTOPHER. And if you’ve got a bottle of cheap, any-type wine, you could add it to the—“minced beef and cereals,” did you say? Give it a continental flavour. Show me where the kitchen is and what you’ve got, and I daresay I shall have an inspiration.

MOLLIE. Come on.

(MOLLIE and CHRISTOPHER exit through the archway Right to the kitchen. GILES frowns, ejaculates something uncomplimentary to CHRISTOPHER and crosses to the small armchair down Right. He picks up the newspaper and stands reading it with deep attention. He jumps as MOLLIE returns to the room and speaks.)

Isn’t he sweet? (She moves above the sofa table.) He’s put on an apron and he’s getting all the things together. He says leave it all to him and don’t come back for half an hour. If our guests want to do the cooking themselves, it will save a lot of trouble.