Strange Sally Diamond

Geoff said my father left me money in his will. He didn’t know exactly how much, because a lot of it was tied up in shares and bonds, and he was going to unravel it all, but ‘Enough to keep you going for a good while, if you’re careful,’ he said. But I have to pay bin charges from now on and divide up my rubbish into compostable, recyclable, soft plastics and glass, and I will have different-coloured bins for each one and I will leave them at the gate on alternate weeks and bin men will come and take them away in their smelly truck. The postman will deliver post to the house, but I was assured he would never come into it. Angela says it will be much more convenient.

I didn’t like staying at home on my own then because people kept turning up at my door. They wanted to interview me, or to get my ‘side of the story’. They are a lot more interested in my adoption than my setting my dad on fire. I was confused by this. What could one have to do with the other?

Now everyone in Carricksheedy stared at me. A few of them smiled and put their heads to one side. Sympathetic. Some of them crossed the road when they saw me coming, and that was fine with me. Some of them began to say hello, even the young ones from the Texaco when they lifted their heads from their phones. They said, ‘Hi, Mary!’

My name is Sally, no matter what they called me.

The police made a terrible mess of the house. I couldn’t help screaming when I saw it. Angela and Nadine were with me. Angela made me breathe and count until I could find my centre and, when I did, we set about putting the house in order. After a while, I asked them to leave because they didn’t know the exact place for everything, and it was easier to do it myself.

When she left on the third night after I came home, Angela said that she would call in twice a week to see me and that I was always welcome in her house. She handed me the first part of Dad’s letter. She told me that I wasn’t to feel sorry or sad. I knew by then that trying to burn Dad’s body was the wrong thing to do. Everyone had told me so. When I am told something once clearly, without jokes or ambiguity, I understand completely. You’d think it was something I’d been doing for years, casually burning bodies, the way they went on about it. It was one body, and he had told me to do it, more or less.

When the house was finally set to rights, it was 13th December at 8 p.m. and I sat down to watch Holby City. In this episode, it was Essie’s birthday, and I remembered that it was my birthday. I paused the television. How could I have forgotten? I never forget. But there had been so much distraction.

Over the past decade, I had made my own birthday cake from the Delia Smith recipe book. Even though I knew the recipe off by heart I liked to take down the cookery book. I liked Delia. Her photo on the cover was smiling and she was wearing a red blouse. I had always had at least one blouse like hers. Bright red and buttoned to the neck. She was reliable. I thought if I ever had a best friend, she’d be somebody like Delia.

It was too late to start cooking a birthday cake but I was forty-three. I decided to read Dad’s first letter after Holby City was over. When it finished, I turned off the television. There were two pages. Every time Dad got a big letter, he used to drink a glass of whiskey while he read it. Now I was in charge of the house and it was time to do things like Dad did them, except for burning the rubbish obviously.

1st November 2017

Dearest Sally

I guess we both knew that this day would come soon and I’m sorry if you’re sad about it, but I understand if you’re not.

The first thing you should do is ring Dr Angela Caffrey. Her number is 085-5513792. Let her know that I have died. She might be surprised as I’ve kept away from her for so long but, like yourself, I don’t like fuss and the prescriptions you’ve been filling for me in Roscommon have kept me pain-free. I worried that my mind might start to go, but when I go to bed tonight, I think I might stay there until the end. Getting up and dressed has caused me a degree of discomfort this last while, and I know you’ll be a good girl for bringing me my meals and taking care of me.