Strange Sally Diamond

‘He didn’t tell me it was a joke.’

‘But how can you be sure he was dead?’

‘He wasn’t breathing. Do you want to see the incinerator?’ I asked.

Her eyes opened wide. ‘That’s not the way to dispose of … Sally, this is serious. Only a medical professional can certify a death. Didn’t he leave any instructions about his funeral?’

‘No, I don’t …’ and then I remembered about the envelope. ‘He left this for me.’ I pulled it out of my pocket.

‘And what does it say?’

‘I haven’t opened it yet.’

I was getting bothered with all of this talking. Either I don’t talk at all, or I talk too much and I say things that don’t make sense to anyone but me.

I put my hands over my ears and Angela moderated her voice.

‘Would you like me to open it? May I read it?’

I threw the envelope at her and went to the piano, but it didn’t calm me. I went to my room and crawled under the duvet and the soft blue blanket. I began to pull hair from my head. I didn’t know what to do. I wondered when Angela would leave. I listened to hear the front door shut.

5

A soft knocking sound woke me up. It was dusk outside. I must have blacked out. It happens when I am distressed, though it hadn’t happened in many years.

‘Sally?’ Angela whispered. I looked at my watch. She had been there for three hours and twenty-five minutes.

‘Yes?’

‘I’ve made some tea and beans on toast. You should get up because we have to talk.’

‘Is there sugar in the tea?’

‘Not yet,’ she said, ‘but I’ll add some.’

‘Which mug did you use?’

‘I … I’m not sure.’

I opened the door and followed Angela down the hall.

She gave me my tea in Dad’s Scrabble mug. I added a spoon and a half of sugar and an extra teaspoon of milk. She had made herself tea in a china mug that neither Dad nor I had ever used.

‘So, I’ve read your dad’s letters –’

‘There’s more than one?’

‘Yes. It’s okay, love. The thing is, I have to call the guards, and they will want to talk to you. But I don’t want you to worry because I’m going to be with you, and I’ll explain your condition to them and I’ll make sure they are gentle with you. But, and this is the hard bit, they will probably want to search the house and you should come and stay with Nadine and me for a little bit, while they carry out their enquiries.’

‘What enquiries?’

‘It’s just that … it’s … unusual to burn a body of a family member, it’s not legal, and I’m so sorry to tell you this, love, but there were funeral instructions in his letter … among other things.’

‘Oh. Why would the guards want to search the house? On TV, they always leave a terrible mess.’

‘They’d want to reassure themselves that your dad died of natural causes, but it’s clear in his letter that he knew he had little time left. It’s obvious that he trusted you, and that he loved you. I’m confident the post-mortem will show that he was already dead.’

‘I don’t want visitors and I don’t want to come to your house.’

‘Sally, if I can’t control this, you might end up in a prison cell for a few nights or more. Please believe me. Your mum and dad would have wanted me to help you. In the letter, your dad said you should ring me when he died.’

I pulled at my hair again. She reached out but I flinched away from her. ‘Sorry, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,’ she said.

‘But he didn’t say when to open the letter. He just wrote to open it after he died. I didn’t know I was supposed to open it that same day.’

‘I know, but I’m afraid there is going to be a lot of fuss now. I’m going to call the guards, and they will want to interview you. You might need a solicitor. But I will be with you and I’ll explain anything that your dad hasn’t explained in the letters, although he was thorough.’ She paused. ‘There are things in the letters that you may find … upsetting. But we will take it slowly. Your dad only wanted you to read one section per week. There are three different parts.’

‘Why?’

‘Well, there’s … a lot to take in. I thought your mum and dad were open with me about your circumstances, but it seems there was a lot they kept hidden from everyone.’

‘About me?’

‘Yes, Sally. But we can discuss that another time. I have to call the guards now. Would you like a mild sedative before they come? To help you stay calm?’

‘Yes please.’

6

Two guards came, not one. One man, one woman. I didn’t look at their faces. They were nice and calm until I told them I’d put my dad in a refuse sack and then into the incinerator. The smaller one raised her voice. ‘What in the name of God did you do –’