Strange Sally Diamond

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ she said and began to cry.

I didn’t like her bleeding face. ‘Get back under the blanket and don’t look at me. Stupid woman.’

19 Sally

‘I think we need to take the teddy bear with the note and the box and wrapping paper to the guards. They might be able to get some DNA from it,’ said Aunt Christine.

‘Unlikely,’ said Angela. ‘You two have washed most of the evidence away. All three of us have handled the box and wrapping paper. Postal workers in New Zealand and Ireland too, and everywhere in between, but I suppose they might be able to get some information.’

Aunt Christine said, ‘Judging by the style and age of the bear, I’m guessing it was Denise’s. It’s like something from fifty or sixty years ago. Parts of it seem to have been attacked by moths.’

Angela agreed. ‘What did the note say again?’

‘“I thought you’d like to have him back.” No signature. Just a letter “S”.’

‘Maybe Sally had a nickname for her father? Do you remember, Sally?’

Angela put her hand up. ‘I don’t think Sally needs those questions, Christine.’

‘Sorry, you’re right.’

‘I’d like to go to bed to rest for a while,’ I said. ‘With Toby.’

It was five o’clock now and pitch-dark. The two women began to apologize, saying it must be a terrible shock, that I must feel overwhelmed by all of the revelations. Aunt Christine said she would nip into the village to get some provisions and that she would wake me for dinner later. I went to my room and left them to talk about me and my terrible past. I took Toby with me. I was tired of their talking and I wanted time and space to think.

In my room, with the old flowery wallpaper Mum had chosen all those years ago, I tried to think about what I should do. So many questions floated around my head.

Later, I woke to delicious smells coming from the kitchen. I went to the bathroom and washed my face.

Aunt Christine greeted me in the kitchen. ‘Darling, did you have a nice nap? Angela is staying for dinner. I hope you don’t mind. I’ve roasted a chicken.’

‘For three of us?’

‘Yes, you can use leftovers for sandwiches or soup if you like.’

She had also made mashed potato and a carrot and parsnip puree, like something from a TV cookery show. ‘Will you set the table, darling?’

I pulled the table out from the wall and unhinged the flap to make it as big as it used to be when Mum was alive. Dad and I always ate dinner in front of the television on trays. But we always had lunch in the kitchen. This was the wrong way around.

Although it made me a little nervous, Aunt Christine talked in a soothing way, describing how she had prepared the dinner, recalling when she and Jean had gone shopping in Arnotts and had bought the same set of plates, how she was glad to see they were still in use. She sounded like Mum, and if I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine that Mum was back, though I knew it wasn’t possible. It was nice to think about.

‘Where is Angela?’

‘She had to pop home to feed the dogs and do a few things. But she’s coming straight back.’

‘Shall I get some wine from the cabinet?’

‘Oh, I think we had enough alcohol earlier. Do you have sparkling water?’ I did.

On my way out to the sitting room to get it, I stopped dead in my tracks and then ran to my bedroom. I pulled the bedclothes apart. I ran back to the kitchen.

‘Where’s Toby?’ I shouted at her.

‘Darling, I –’

‘Where is he?’ My cheeks were getting hot. My head was spinning.

The doorbell rang.

‘That will be Angela. She can explain.’

I let Angela in. ‘Where’s Toby?’

‘Calm down, Sally, breathe in for four –’

‘Did you take him when I was asleep?’

‘Yes, I did. Toby is a toy, Sally, but it might be possible to find out where he came from. I went to the garda station in Roscommon with the bear, the box and all the wrapping. They will send it to a lab in Dublin and a forensic team will –’

‘He was mine!’

‘Sally, be reasonable, you –’

I lashed out at Angela with my fists, punching her in the face, the stomach, her arms. She folded her upper body into a ball, leaning forward, putting her hands over her head and her elbows in front of her face. Aunt Christine dragged me away.

‘Sally! Stop this at once.’ Aunt Christine had my mum’s angry tone.

My temper abated as quickly as it had surfaced. I sat in the chair in the hall. Aunt Christine led Angela into the kitchen. I heard the two of them whispering. I had done a bad thing. Again. Really bad. I rocked back and forth in the chair. I could not control my emotions. Maybe I should be locked up.

‘Angela, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I lost my temper.’

She was holding a bag of frozen peas to her jaw. Aunt Christine was standing over her. Thank God there was no blood.

Angela put her hand up to stop me talking, shook her head and winced with pain.

‘Jesus, Sally! You were out of control. I had no idea that you could be so violent. That kind of behaviour is completely unacceptable.’

I could tell Aunt Christine was angry, and as I moved towards her, she stepped back. She was also afraid.

‘I don’t know why I did that, I don’t even know why.’