Lament for a lost lover

Edwin was now four years old. Bright, intelligent and getting so like his father that I sometimes felt like weeping when I saw him. He was quite different from Leigh, who was noisy and always liked Edwin’s toys better than his own. Edwin was of a mild nature, peaceable. He would smile seraphically even when Leigh snatched what was his. I used to remonstrate sometimes and tell him he must stand up for what he wanted. Edwin admired Leigh and was happy to play with him. Leigh was artful enough to realize this and used it as a form of blackmail. I could see his mother in Leigh just as I could see Edwin’s father in him.

It was about this time that Lucas married. Her name was Maria and she was the daughter of Lord Cray, one of the members of the Court circle. Lucas had become debonair and as the son of my father very welcome at Court. He planned to go into politics and was already making his way in that direction.

It was silly of me not to want to stir from the country, but I didn’t. I knew, of course, that I should have to go to London for the wedding which was to take place at the Grays’ town residence. My mother visited us a month or so before and she said I must really bestir myself. It was foolish of me to bury myself in the country. I should meet interesting people, and now that Edwin was getting older and Sally Nullens had proved herself so reliable, she was going to insist on my emerging from my cocoon.

I knew what she was thinking of, a marriage for me. Lucas would be happily settled; it would be Dick’s turn next. And there v. as I her eldest daughter, shutting myself away in the country! It would not do.

I must admit that when she sent for the seamstress and showed me some of the latest fashions, which were becoming very extravagant and amusing, I felt a certain excitement bubbling up within me. She pulled my hair loose and demonstrated some of the new styles. We laughed together over the foretop-an odd loop of hair on the forehead and the loose curls on the brow which were called “favourites.” We couldn’t decide which suited me best-curls close to the cheeks which were known as “confidents,” or drawn away from the face and looped over the ears which were “heartbreakers.” My mother said: “You see what fun it is to mingle with society.”

“We entertain now and then at Eversleigh. Matilda enjoys it.”

“I know. But this is not London, my child. You are behind the times here. You should visit Town more often. You should know what is going on. You should attend the theatre now and then. The changes that have been made there are astonishing. The King is devoted to the theatre and often goes. You are shutting yourself away with the past. I am going to stop it. This visit will be a start.”

I shook my head. “I have come to love Eversleigh Court,” I said. “The countryside is beautiful. I love to ride out. Charlotte and I are good friends. “Ah, there is another! I cannot understand you young girls. How different I was. I wanted life ... adventure ... So much is changing now, Arabella. You would be amazed at what is happening. After the age of the Puritans we have swung in the other section. Too far, some say. I expect they are right. Now for your gowns. You need them badly. What you wear here will not do for London, I do assure you.” o be with my mother was a stimulation. She seemed younger an Charlotte and younger than myself in my present mood. She radiated such happiness. She was so clearly delighted with her life that I caught something of her enthusiasm and I was excited by the prospect she was holding out to me.

I would laugh at her as she sat there while I was fitted. She insisted that the sleeves of my gowns leave my arms bare to the elbow.

“Such pretty arms,” she crooned. “Then I had dresses with the sleeves slit all the way and caught here and there with ribbons.”

“The height of fashion!” she exulted. She had brought with her silks, brocades and velvets. “You should see the shops in London. Every shopkeeper is determined to outdo all the others and so it goes on. I declare that the men are looking even prettier than the women. Lucas has Rhingrave breeches seamed with scarlet and silver lace. I can tell you, your brother is a sight to be seen!”

And while I was fitted and paraded I felt a change creeping over me. I felt young and gay again and suddenly I remembered that it was when Harriet had gone out of my life that I had found much of its savour gone.

I said to my mother: “Have you seen anything of Sir James Gilley lately?” She hesitated for a moment. “Why, yes, he was at some Court function a few months ago. I saw him riding in the park. I hear his new mistress is a very notorious lady. She is very young, barely sixteen, and has the distinction of having pleased the King ... briefly.”

Oh, Harriet, I thought, what are you doing now?