Lament for a lost lover

Dick was excited, and I heard him telling the others the wildest stories about an England he had never seen. But he had his own pictures of it, for he had heard much of it over the years.

Harriet seemed to enjoy the company of those who came to the chateau. She reminded me of the Harriet who had gone to Villers Tourron and had been the centre of attraction. She rode out with our guests, and I often heard their laughter when she amused them with her conversation and stories about herself which I knew were mainly fabrications. But they were always amusing a told with a wit which seemed to charm the listeners.

She posed as the young widow, and it was assumed that her husband had lost his life in the same affray that Edwin had, and like me she was the widow of a hero who had given his life in the King’s cause.

Sir James Gilley told me one bright morning that on the next day he would be moving on. He was making his way to the coast and there he would await the King’s party. They would cross the Channel and a great welcome would be awaiting them on the other side, he doubted not.

“And, dear lady, it will not be long before you will follow us, I am sure of that. I trust we shall meet at the King’s Court. Charlie will want to meet those who have been his good friends throughout the years.”

I said that I doubted not my father would be coming to the chateau soon, for if the King were on his way, so would he be.

“Then we shall meet soon. Tomorrow morning early I shall depart and I shall say farewell to you this evening, for I shall be off, I doubt not, before you are astir.”

“I will rise early.”

“Nay, it would grieve me. You have been such a perfect hostess, I should not wish to cause you further trouble.”

“It would be no trouble.”

“Nay, dear lady,” he said. “Let me slip away. Our next meeting will be in London, I promise myself.”

That day he made preparations, and I saw very little of him, and after we had supped that night he thanked me formally for my hospitality and he vowed that when he saw my father he would tell him what a fine daughter he had. He said he would retire early to be off at the first sign of dawn.

Harriet came to my room that night.

“He will be gone tomorrow,” I told her. “You have been good friends. You will miss him.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “In these days people come and go. Until we are living in a more stable society, one should not attach too much importance to passing acquaintance.”

“James Gilley says we shall meet again ere long.”

“That may be. I wonder if the King will remember all his friends. There will be so many around him to remind him of their loyalty.”

“Perhaps he will remember those who do not need to remind him.”

“Ah, there’s wisdom there.” She looked intently at me. “Change ... everywhere,” she went on. “You feel it all around you. It’s in the air.”

“Naturally. At least that for which we have waited all these years is about to come to pass.”

“Do you think it will live up to expectations, Arabella?”

“It will be good to be home. We shall no longer be exiles living on the charity of our friends.”

“Ah, that will be good. Oh, Arabella, we shall always be friends. I know it.”

“I hope so.”

“Whatever I’ve done you would forgive me, wouldn’t you?”

“I suppose so.”

“Always remember that.”

“How solemn you are tonight.”

“It’s a solemn occasion.”

“You are anxious about the future, I believe. You mustn’t be. You’re coming with me. I would not allow it to be otherwise.”

She came over to the bed and kissed me.

“God bless you, Arabella.”

I thought she looked unusually solemn. Then she laughed and said: “I’m tired. Good night.”

And she was gone.

The next day stands out clearly in my memory.

I did not hear the departure. Sir James must have left early and quietly, as he had said he would. !

I went in to the babies. They were sleeping peacefully. I picked up Edwin cautiously and sat for a while as I loved to do, rocking him in my arms. !

He awoke and started to whimper. Then Leigh heard him and started too. So I took him up and sat for some time, holding one in the crook of each arm.

Madame Lambard came bustling in to attend to them and I went back to my room to dress. When I was ready, I did not hear Harriet stirring, so I knocked at her door, and as there was no answer I went in.

Her bed was made. Either it had not been slept in or she had been up early and made it herself.

I went to the window and looked out. It was a peaceful scene; the countryside green and fresh, the budding trees, the birds still wild with joy because the morning had come.

I remembered that Sir James Gilley had left and we should have a quiet day free from guests. I should be getting my possessions together because I knew that any day now my parents would arrive and it would be our turn to travel to the coast. I turned suddenly and saw the letter lying on a table. I went to it. It was addressed to me so I opened it and attempted to read it, but the words swam before my eyes and I had to go back and start again before I could believe what was written.