A Red Herring Without Mustard

“Don’t worry, I won’t bite,” she said, and suddenly she was upon me, her arms enfolding me in a tight embrace, her chin resting sharply on my shoulder.

“Thank you, Flavia de Luce,” she whispered in my ear, as if we had been friends forever. “Thank you.”

Since I was still half expecting a dagger to be plunged between my shoulder blades, I’m afraid I did not return her hug, which I received in stiff silence, rather like one of the sentries at Buckingham Palace pretending he doesn’t notice the liberties being taken by an excessively affectionate tourist.

“You’re welcome,” I managed. “How is she? Fenella, I mean.”

Using the Gypsy’s first name did not come easily to me. In spite of the fact that Daffy and I have always referred to our own mother as Harriet (only Feely, who is older, seems to have the right to call her Mummy), it still felt excessively saucy to call a stranger’s grandmother by her given name.

“She’ll be all right, they think. Too early to tell. But if it hadn’t been for you—”

Tears were beginning to well up in her dark eyes.

“It was nothing,” I said uncomfortably. “She needed help. I was there.”

Was it really that simple? Or did something deeper lie beneath?

“How did you hear—about this?” I asked, waving at the glade.

“The coppers tracked me down in London. Found my name and all that on a scrap of paper in her handbag. I begged a ride off a bloke with a lorry in Covent Garden, and he brought me as far as Doddingsley. I walked the rest of the way. Got here no more than an hour ago.”

Four gold stars to Inspector Hewitt and his men, I thought. Searching the caravan for Fenella Faa’s handbag had never crossed my mind.

“Where are you staying? At the Thirteen Drakes?”

“Blimey!” she said in a feigned Cockney accent. “That’s a larf, that is!”

I must have looked offended.

“I couldn’t rub two shillings together if my life depended on it,” she said, waving her hands expansively at the grove. “So I expect right here is where I’ll stay.”

“Here? In the caravan?”

I looked at her aghast.

“Why not? It’s Fenella’s, isn’t it? That means it’s as good as mine. All I have to do is find out who’s the nob that owns this bit of green, and—”

“It’s called the Palings,” I said, “and it belongs to my father.”

Actually it didn’t: It belonged to Harriet, but I didn’t feel that I needed to explain our family’s legal difficulties to a semi-ragamuffin stranger who had just threatened my life.

“Coo!” she said. “I’m sorry. I never thought.”

“But you can’t stay here,” I went on. “It’s a crime scene. Didn’t you see the sign?”

“ ’Course I did. Didn’t you?”

I chose to ignore this childish response. “Whoever attacked your gram might still be hanging about. Until the police find out who and why, it isn’t safe to be here after dark.”

This was a part, but not all, of the truth.

Every bit as important as Porcelain’s physical safety was the sudden gnawing need I felt to make amends to the family of Fenella Faa: to correct an old wrong committed by my father. For the first time in my life I found myself seized by hereditary guilt.

“So you’ll have to stay at Buckshaw,” I blurted.

There! I’d done it. I’d made the leap. But even as I spoke, I knew that I would soon regret my words.

Father, for instance, would be furious.

Even when his beloved Harriet had invited the Gypsies to stay at Buckshaw, Father had driven them off. If she had failed, I didn’t stand a chance.

Perhaps that was why I did it.

“My father’s quite eccentric,” I said. “At least, he has some odd ideas. He won’t allow guests at Buckshaw, other than his own sister. I’ll have to sneak you in.”

Porcelain seemed quite alarmed at the thought. “I don’t want to make trouble.”

“Nonsense,” I said, sounding like Aunt Felicity, the Human Steamroller. “It will be no trouble at all. Nobody ever comes into the east wing. They won’t even know you’re there.

“Bring your things,” I ordered.

Until that moment I hadn’t noticed how haggard Porcelain was looking. With her black crepe dress and the black circles under her eyes, she looked like someone made up for a masquerade party: “The Grim Reaper as a Young Woman.”

“I’ve nothing,” she said. “Just what you see.” She tugged apologetically at her heavy hem. “This is Fenella’s,” she said. “I had to wash out my own things in the river this morning, and they aren’t dry.”

Wash out her things? Why would she need to do that? Since it didn’t seem to be any of my business, I didn’t ask—perhaps I could find an excuse to bring it up later.

“Off we go, then,” I said, trying to sound cheerful. “Buckshaw awaits.”

I picked up Gladys and wheeled her along beside me. Porcelain trudged a few steps behind, her eyes downcast.

“It isn’t awfully far,” I said, after a while. “I expect you’ll be happy to get some sleep.”

I turned and saw her nodding in response, but she did not speak. She shuffled along behind me, drained, and not even the ornamental dolphins of the Poseidon fountain made her take her eyes from the ground.