1c8c0f371c0d914159db2df0bf94b5c6

“Oh, yes, of course. Um, ClamPep Laboratories. They run these programs all the time, mainly for the big pharmaceutical companies, but for smaller players, too. This one was for a company called Zephyr Industries. Pharmaceutical solutions. But like I said, I seem to have lost an entire week since the program began, but I suppose it must have ended, for I woke up at the foot of this little hill, with no recollection of the last couple of days.”

“Are you by any chance very, very thirsty?” she asked.

“Oh, I’m parched,” said Ned. “Absolutely parched. In fact the first thought that passed through my mind when I woke up just now was where to find something to drink.”

“The ocean is that way,” said Gran, pointing in the direction of Hampton Cove.

“Oh, thank you so much!” he said. “Maybe I’ll make my way over there and dunk my head in the water. All I seem to be able to think about is plunging in and soaking it up.”

“Ocean water is briny, though,” said Max. “He won’t be rehydrated if he jumps into the ocean.”

“No, he won’t,” said Gran, “but he doesn’t mind. All he wants is water—any water.”

“Um, who are you talking to?” asked Ned.

“No one. Listen, buddy. That’s a fascinating story you just told me, and it sure answers a lot of questions about what’s been happening in my town lately. Would you mind accompanying me into the next town and telling the same story you just told me to the police over there? I’m sure they’d be very interested in what you have to say.”

“The police? But why?”

“Because I think you were bamboozled, same way I was bamboozled by this ClamPep Laboratories of yours, and the same way my cats were bamboozled.”

“What’s bamboozled, Max?” asked Dooley.

“Cheated,” said Max.

“I think mistreated is a better word,” said Harriet.

“Screwed over, I’d say,” said Clarice.

“Yeah, royally screwed,” Brutus grumbled.

“So the zombies… aren’t really zombies at all?” asked Dooley.

“No, they’re just people,” said Max, “and victims of some medical experiment.”

“Oh, dear,” said Dooley. “That’s not very nice.”

Just then, two more people appeared on the horizon. They weren’t military, Gran saw, but her television crew. She waved them over, and when they’d joined her, Jonah huffing and puffing and Libby’s cheeks red from the exertion of the long hike, she said, “I want you to interview this gentleman and get his story on tape, okay? And then we’re all goingto the police in Happy Bays to file a complaint against Fred Peppard and Zebediah Clam.”

“A zombie!” said Jonah. “Cool!”

“Excuse me, ma’am,” said Ned. “Why does everyone keep calling me a zombie?”

Gran handed him a little pocket mirror and the man took one look at his face, squealed something fierce then dropped it.

“I’m a zombie!” he said. “What did they do to me!”

“Oh, bummer,” said Jonah. “He’s not a real zombie, is he?”

“No, he’s just a dude from Milwaukee,” said Gran, “who’s been royally screwed over,” she added with a wink to her cats.

So Jonah pointed his camera at Ned Gorecki, Libby cleared her throat, and then the poor guy repeated his story for the camera, the building of Fred Peppard’s Pet Food Company in the background. Or, as it was apparently also known, ClamPep Labs.

Chapter 37

Libby and Jonah had finished their interview with Ned Gorecki, who kept smacking his lips until Libby had the good sense to offer him her water bottle. He drained it in one glug-glugging motion, then, when Jonah offered him his, poured it out over his head.

Yep, the man was parched, all right.

We started on our long trek into the next town, and when a car passed and pulled over, Gran quickly made her way over, hoping to catch a ride.

Suddenly, before our very eyes, she went berserk! She started screaming at the man, then tried to drag him out of the car and slapped his face repeatedly, while he fended her off until he managed to slam his door and was gone, tires spinning and kicking up dust.

“Come back here, you scum!”

And as he passed us, I saw that the driver was none other than… Doctor Clam!

“I don’t think Gran will become the oldest mother in the world, will she, Max?” asked Dooley.

“Doubtful,” I agreed. “She might become the oldest woman in the world to kick a con man’s ass, though.”

“Hey, that was Doctor Clam!” said Ned suddenly as he stared after the car, which wasn’t going to Hampton Cove, but the other direction instead. Doctor Zebediah Clam was probably feeling the heat his medical experiments had wrought.

“You know that guy?” asked Libby.

“Oh, sure. He’s the doctor in charge of the medical side of the program. He measures out the dosages and decides which drugs we all have to take. He’s a real medical genius.”

“Yeah, a real genius,” Jonah echoed acerbically, then hoisted his camera back on his shoulder and pointed it at the hapless zombie. “Please comment on Doctor Zebediah Clam, Mr. Gorecki. How would you describe him and his role in the medical program?”

And then he and Libby were off for a short addendum to their original interview.