“Sorry, Fred. No can do,” said Gran. Obviously Fred’s association with the louse, maggot, rat, skunk, dirtbag, fungus and douche Zebediah Clam didn’t sit well with her.
“But…”
“Come on, you guys,” said Gran. “Let’s get you out of here.”
“Well, it was sure nice to see you again, Vesta.”
“Likewise,” she said, but didn’t sound happy.
“Listen, try to steer clear of those darn roadblocks, you hear? The army seems to be all over the place all of a sudden. Good thing I’m right outside the town limits.”
“Yeah, I found a way around the roadblocks,” she said, giving Clarice a pointed look.
“That’s great. Oh, and please don’t tell Zeb I spilled the beans, will you?”
“I won’t,” said Gran. “But I can’t promise you will get your business partner back in one piece. In fact when I lay my hands on the son of a monkey it won’t be his lucky day.”
Once we were outside, Gran crouched down with some effort, then said,“And now tell me everything you know about our dear Doctor Clam.”
So we told Gran the whole story, from the moment we arrived at the clinic, and were locked up in metal cages, to the conversation we overheard between Fred and Clam. Her lips formed a thin line.
“I’m going to get that bastard,” she said. “I’m going to get him and make him drink his filthy hormone cocktails. Or better yet, I’ll give him an enema with his own concoction.”
“They’re clearly working together, Gran,” I said. “And it’s got something to do with the zombies, too.”
“Yeah, well. That wouldn’t surprise me,” she said. “Clam is a crook, and Fred is an even bigger crook. I have no idea what’s going on here, but I’m going to find out. But first we need to get back to the house without being arrested, shot, or killed. So if you sniff out a military patrol, you tell me, all right?”
And then we were on our way back to town.
“So how did you find us, Clarice?” asked Dooley.
“Oh, easy,” said Clarice. “I’ve heard so many horror stories about this Peppard Pet Food place over the years that I decided to give your gran a helping paw.”
“You knew about this place and you didn’t tell us?” said Harriet,
“You never asked, all right? Besides, when something looks too good to be true, like free kibble for life? It’s because it probably is.”
“Yeah, we learned our lesson,” said Dooley. “Fred Peppard is not a nice man. And his pet food paradise isn’t a pet food paradise at all.”
“At least you got out of there with your health and your sanity,” she said. “I once knew a cat who was never the same again after passing through Peppard’s program. She couldn’t stop chasing fictitious rabbits down fictitious rabbit holes and kept seeing flashing lights she had to put out. Sad.”
We’d climbed an incline and Gran glanced in the direction of town.
“We need to watch our backs from here on out,” she announced.
“Maybe we should move in the other direction?” I said. “Go to Happy Bays instead and warn people about what’s going on here?”
“I’m not leaving my family behind, Max,” said Gran. “No way. And I’m not going to be scared off by a couple of so-called zombies and a couple of idiots dressed up as soldiers.”
“Who’s that?” asked Brutus suddenly.
We all looked in the direction he was pointing.
It was a zombie, and he was coming our way!
Chapter 36
In the camp, dinner was served. It was a sober affair, and not exactly a feast. In fact the only thing on the menu was some kind of slop that could have been meat, more slop that could have been potatoes, and a third kind of slop that probably were vegetables.
They were seated at long wooden tables inside a khaki-colored tent, and the atmosphere was downcast. Odelia and her mom and Chase were seated together, but she couldn’t stop worrying about her dad, her uncle, her grandmother, and her cats.
“How long is this going to take?” asked Marge. “How long before we can go home?”
“No idea, Marge,” said Chase.
“I wonder what happened to Gran,” said Odelia. “And Dad. And Uncle Alec. Is it possible there’s more than one camp? That they were taken to another one?”
“I don’t think so,” said Chase. “As far as I can tell the other camp is for the zombies, and they’re probably treated a little differently than we are.”
“You mean their food is worse than ours?” said Marge. “I find that hard to believe.”
They ate in silence, as did most people. Suddenly a woman started screaming,“Zombies! It’s the zombies! They’re attacking us!”
But as they looked around, there was no sign of any zombies anywhere.
“People are losing it,” said Marge. “They’re seeing zombies everywhere.”
“I don’t get it, though,” said Odelia. “If these really were zombies, wouldn’t they have made more casualties? As far as I can tell these are pretty peaceful zombies, only interested in attacking bodies of water, not actual human bodies.”
“Yeah, if they’re zombies, they’re the weirdest zombies I ever heard of,” Chase agreed.
“I just hope Alec is all right,” said Marge, “and your grandmother. And Tex.”