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The door opened and a large man with a jowly face, a deep scowl and a bristly buzzcut stuck his head in.“What’s all this nonsense about zombies?” He took one look at Ned and his frown deepened. “We don’t condone zombies in Happy Bays, sir. So I suggest you go right back to where you came from and be real quick about it, too.”

“I am not a zombie!”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s what they all say.”

Lucky for us Gran didn’t lose her cool. In a few short words she explained to this Chief Whitehouse what was going on in Hampton Cove, and to his credit the man finally grasped the urgency of the situation and got on the phone with the proper authorities.

We were all transferred to his office, much to the disappointment of Officer Scattering, who seemed to have enjoyed his interview with a zombie, and as we watched, Chief Whitehouse talked to the County Executive, then the Governor, and finally some colonel called Brett Spear.

Finally, when he hung up and placed two large hands on his desk, he said,“I think I’ve got it all straightened out. This colonel said the zombies are starting to wake up, and some of them have come to their senses, just like Mr. Ned Gorecki here. He’ll have your Fred Peppard picked up, and your Zebediah Clam, and take a good hard look at ClamPep Laboratories. I want to thank you, Mrs. Muffin, for bringing this matter to my attention.”

“My son speaks very highly of you, Chief Whitehouse,” she said. “And now I can see why. You are a credit to your community and a man after my own heart.”

Rare praise from the lips of a person as crusty as Gran, I thought. But she was right.

“Chief Alec and I have been friends for many years,” said the Chief, leaning back, “and I can honestly say this is the first time one of his cases has spilled over into my town. Yes, Virgil, what do you want!” he boomed when Officer Scattering’s face popped up in the Chief’s office doorwindow for the third time in the space of under a minute.

Virgil opened the door and handed the Chief a baseball bat.

“What the hell is this?” asked the Chief.

“A baseball bat, sir. In case you want to take care of the zombie. A good quick hit on the top of the head should do the trick.” He smiled. “I looked it up on the internet. Bashing a zombie’s brains in seems to be the best way to deal with them. Sad but true.”

“I don’t believe this,” said the Chief, shaking his head.

“It’s all in the wrist, sir,” said Virgil, demonstrating his skill.

“I’m not a zombie!” Ned screamed.

“Of course not, Mr. Zombie. Of course not.”

I had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last time someone mistook Ned for a zombie. At least until he got rid of that extreme rash.

Epilogue

It was barbecue time at the Pooles, and Tex was manning his grill like nobody’s business, distributing patties and sausages left, right and center. In fact there was no human, animal or zombie who didn’t get a piece of meat from the grill maestro.

Life in Hampton Cove had finally returned to normal, the camp had been closed down, the curfew and quarantine measures lifted, and the tanks rolled back to their military barracks where they would remain until the next zombie invasion broke out.

Doctor Zebediah Clam and Fred Peppard had been arrested, and the remaining patients of their ClamPep Labs released. Turns out they offered their services not just to companies wanting to test their dodgy products on humans, but on pets, too, and we’d been lucky that on the day we were admitted to their testing facility, only an innocent behavioral study had been conducted, and not a more deleterious application.

The zombies had all recovered from their ordeal, and no longer looked like zombies at all. Ned Gorecki had returned to his wife and family in Milwaukee to what I hoped would be a long and happy life.

Harsh words had been spoken about the rash decision to put Hampton Cove on lockdown, and the report Libby and Jonah had put out had stirred up a media storm.

All in all, though, all was well that ended well, and five cats and five humans enjoyed a nice balmy day in the Poole backyard.

“I can’t believe you slept through the whole thing!” said Odelia.

“Yeah, I guess being suspended has its advantages,” said Uncle Alec, filling his plate with relish. “I only woke up when the tanks rumbled past my house, on their way out of town.”

“Maybe it was a good thing,” said Marge. “It wasn’t much fun being in that camp.”

“It wasn’t a lot of fun being in that zombie camp,” said Tex. “Especially since no one was allowed near the zombies, who were considered highly infectious and dangerous.”

“A toast,” said Chase, raising a bottle of beer. “To the heroine of the hour. Maybe not the oldest mother in the world, but definitely the person who saved us from the zombie apocalypse. Vesta Muffin!”