William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

Belike thou wouldst like something thou canst eat?
If thou art like most creatures, thou mayst be
Directed by thy stomach’s wish for food—
Where bellies lead, the other members trail.
Here, friend, taste thou this morsel from my hand.

Wicket

Aytru, aytru,
See mebbe tru,
Iya tryee,
Maytru, maytru.

[Wicket takes a wafer from Princess Leia and eats it.

Leia

I’ll warrant I have made a friend at last—
The food succeeds where words alone have
fail’d. Now shall I take this helmet off, for sure,
It gives me pain to wear it still so tight.

Wicket

A kusha kusha,
Wassee doona?
Mia scardu,
Pusha, pusha.

Leia

Nay, fear thou not, O little one; ’tis but
A hat, and shall not harm thee. ’Tis no threat.
Thou art a scamp fill’d full of skittishness.

[Wicket hears a sound in the forest.

Wicket

A kiata, ata,
Summink mata,
Summink commee,
Giata ata.

[A shot is fired near Princess Leia, who falls to the ground.

Leia

[ aside:] This creature’s customs and his language are
Unknown to me, and yet his instincts prove
Most capable. He smell’d the danger ere
I knew ’twas here. A pow’rful ally might
He and his people be, if e’er we could
Communicate and share each other’s thoughts
And hopes and aspirations openly.

[Another shot is fired.

Wicket

A wundah wundah,
Shutee gundah,
Shutee baddee,
Nundah nundah.

[Wicket hides.

EnterIMPERIAL SCOUTS 7 and 8.

Scout 7

[ to Leia:] Stand down, milady, else you breathe your last!
[ To Scout 8:] Go, get thy bike, and take her back to base,
For none but our own troops have clearance to
Be on the sanctuary moon. She must
Give answer for her furtive presence here.

Scout 8

Indeed, Sir.

[Imperial Scout 8 begins to exit. Wicket comes out of hiding and strikes Imperial Scout 7.

Scout 7

—O! What manner of a beast—

[Princess Leia hits Imperial Scout 7, who falls unconscious. Imperial Scout 8 begins to run.

Leia

Now, blaster, hit thy mark, else we’re found out!
[Princess Leia shoots and kills Imperial Scout 8.
Good cheer! The scout is slain, and we are safe.
I give thee thanks, thou bantam warrior,
For thy protection and thy bravery.
Come, let us go at once, ere others come.

Wicket

A yubnub, yubnub,
Shessa noolub,
Shessa frenda,
Yubyub, yubyub.

Leia

[ aside:] Although it seems I came from over there
He wisheth me to follow him that way.
Belike in following I’ll earn his trust.
Then shall I make our budding friendship real
And see what this chance meeting may reveal.

[Exeunt.

Scene 2.

Inside the second Death Star.

EnterDARTH V ADER, EMPEROR PALPATINE, and ROYAL GUARDS.

Emperor

Now wherefore hast thou come to see me here?
Thine orders were to stay aboard thy ship.

Vader