The Mousetrap

LADYANGKATELL. Well, you know, darling, that I don’t sleep very well. And when I can’t sleep I’m inclined to prowl around the house.

MIDGE. I know, half the guests think it’s burglars, the other half think it’s ghosts.

LADYANGKATELL. Well, I happened to be looking through the passage window. John was just coming back to the house, and it was close on three o’clock.

(There is a pause. MIDGE and LADY ANGKATELL look at each other.)

MIDGE. (Picking up the jug and vase of dahlias and crossing with them to the drinks table) Even for old friends who have a lot to say to each other, three in the morning is a little excessive. (She puts the jug and vase on the drinks table.) One wonders what Gerda thinks about it.

LADYANGKATELL. One wonders if Gerda thinks.

MIDGE. (Easing above the sofa) Even the meekest of wives may turn.

LADYANGKATELL. I don’t think Henrietta was sleeping very well either last night. The light was on in her room, and I thought I saw her curtains move.

MIDGE. Really, John is a fool.

LADYANGKATELL. He’s a man who’s always taken risks—and usually got away with them.

MIDGE. One day he’ll go too far. This was a bit blatant, even for him.

LADYANGKATELL. My dear child, he couldn’t help himself. That woman just sailed in last night and—grabbed him. I must say I admired her performance. It was so beautifully timed and planned.

MIDGE. Do you think it was planned?

LADYANGKATELL. (Rising) Well, darling, come, come. (She smiles, picks up the Daily Mirror and crosses to the fireplace.)

MIDGE. You may say, in your detached way, she gave a beautiful performance—but it remains to be seen whether Gerda and Henrietta agree with you.

(SIR HENRY enters Left. He carries two revolvers.)

SIRHENRY. (Crossing to Right) Just going to have a little practice down at the targets. Like to come along and try your hand, Midge?

MIDGE. I’ve never shot with a pistol or a revolver in my life. I shall probably drill a hole in you, Cousin Henry.

SIRHENRY. I’ll take jolly good care that you don’t.

MIDGE. Well, it would be nice to think that I might some day be able to turn the tables on a burglar.

SIRHENRY. Every woman ought to learn to shoot with a revolver.

LADYANGKATELL. (Moving and sitting in the armchair Left Centre.) Now you’re on Henry’s hobby. He has a whole collection of pistols and revolvers, including a lovely pair of French duelling pistols. (She starts to read the paper.)

MIDGE. Don’t you have to have licences for them?

SIRHENRY. Of course.

MIDGE. Have you ever had a burglar?

SIRHENRY. Not yet, but we live in hopes. If he does come, Lucy will probably shoot him dead.

MIDGE. (Surprised) Lucy?

SIRHENRY. Lucy’s a far better shot than I am. Lucy always gets her man.

MIDGE. I shall be simply terrified.

(She exits Right. SIR HENRY follows her off. HENRIETTA enters up Centre from Left.)

HENRIETTA. (Easing above the sofa) Hullo, are the Angkatells going to exterminate each other?

LADYANGKATELL. They’ve gone down to the targets. Why don’t you join them, Henrietta?

HENRIETTA. Yes, I will. I was rather good last spring. Are you going, Lucy?

LADYANGKATELL. Yes. No. I must do something about my eggs first. (She looks around.)

HENRIETTA. Eggs?

LADYANGKATELL. Yes, they are over there in the basket, darling.

(HENRIETTA moves to the drinks table, picks up the basket of eggs and takes it to LADY ANGKATELL.)

Oh! Thank you, my pet. (She puts the basket on the floor Right of her chair, then resumes reading.)

HENRIETTA. (Moving down Centre) Where’s Edward?

LADYANGKATELL. I think he took his gun and went up to the woods. Henry was going with him—but someone came to see him about something.

HENRIETTA. I see. (She stands lost in thought.)

(Two revolver SHOTS are heard off Right.)

LADYANGKATELL. Doing any work this morning?

HENRIETTA. (Sitting on the sofa) No. It’s gone stale on me.

(A revolver SHOT is heard off Right.)