The Mousetrap

GUDGEON. (Moving Left Centre) A note for you, sir.

JOHN. (Moving to Right ofGUDGEON; surprised) For me? (He takes the note.)

GUDGEON. They are waiting for an answer, sir.

JOHN. It looks as though it’s going to be a fine day, Gudgeon.

GUDGEON. Yes, sir. There was quite a haze over the downs early this morning.

(JOHN reads the note and frowns angrily.)

JOHN. There’s no answer, Gudgeon.

GUDGEON. (Turning and crossing to the door Left.) Very good, sir.

JOHN. Where is everybody?

GUDGEON. (Stopping and turning) Her ladyship has gone down to the farm, sir. The gentlemen have gone out shooting, and I believe Miss Harvey and Miss Henrietta are in the garden.

JOHN. Thank you, Gudgeon.

(GUDGEON exits Left. JOHN moves on to the terrace up Centre, rereads the note, utters an angry ejaculation, crumples the note and puts it in his pocket. MIDGE enters Right. She carries an armful of dahlias and loose leaves.)

MIDGE. (Crossing to Left of the coffee table) Good morning. (She kneels, takes the vase from the coffee table and starts filling it with the dahlias.)

JOHN. Good morning.

MIDGE. Gerda up yet?

JOHN. No, she had breakfast in bed. She had a headache. I told her to lie in for once.

MIDGE. I meant to spend the whole morning in bed, but it was so lovely outside that I couldn’t.

JOHN. Where’s Henrietta?

MIDGE. I don’t know. She was with me just now. She may be in the rose garden.

(JOHN exits up Centre to Right. LADY ANGKATELL enters Left. She carries a basket of eggs.)

LADYANGKATELL. Music? (She moves to the radio.) Oh no, dear, oh no—no. (She switches off the radio.) Stop! We can’t be swinging so early in the day.

MIDGE. I wish you’d do these dahlias, Lucy. They defeat me.

LADYANGKATELL. (Crossing to the drinks table) Do they, darling? (She puts the basket on the floor Left of the drinks table.) What a shame—never mind. (She moves dreamily to the writing table.) Now then, what did I want? Ah, I know. (She lifts the telephone receiver.) Now let me see—ah yes, this thing. (She cradles the receiver first in one arm and then in the other.)

(MIDGE stares amazed at LADY ANGKATELL.)

(With satisfaction) Ah! I see what it is. (She replaces the receiver.)

MIDGE. What are you doing. Lucy?

LADYANGKATELL. Doing?

MIDGE. You seemed to be having a kind of game with the telephone receiver.

LADYANGKATELL. Oh, that was Mrs. Bagshaw’s baby. (She looks at MIDGE.) You’ve got the wrong vase, darling.

MIDGE. (Rising) What did you say?

LADYANGKATELL. I said you’d got the wrong vase. It’s the white vase for dahlias.

MIDGE. No, I meant what did you say about somebody’s baby?

LADYANGKATELL. Oh, that was the telephone receiver, my pet.

MIDGE. (Moving to the drinks table) I don’t wonder that Gerda Cristow nearly has a nervous breakdown every time you talk to her. (She picks up the white vase and jug of water from the drinks table, moves and puts them on the coffee table.) What has Mrs. Bagshaw’s baby got to do with the telephone receiver? (She pours some water into the vase and fills it with the dahlias, during the ensuing speeches.)

LADYANGKATELL. She seemed to be holding it—the baby, I mean—upside down. So I was trying this way and that way. And of course I see what it is—she’s left-handed. That’s why it looked all wrong. Is John Cristow down yet?

MIDGE. Yes, he went into the garden to look for Henrietta.

LADYANGKATELL. (Sitting on the sofa at the Right end of it) Oh! Do you think that was very wise of him?

MIDGE. What do you mean?

LADYANGKATELL. Well, I don’t want to say anything . . .

MIDGE. Come on, Lucy. Give.