The Mousetrap

MIDGE. (Crossing to the drinks table) Who said I like it? (She picks up the bowl of olives.)

EDWARD. (Resuming his seat on the sofa) Then why do it?

MIDGE. What do you suggest I should live on? Beautiful thoughts?

EDWARD. (Shocked) But, my dear girl, if I’d had any idea you were hard up . . .

SIRHENRY. Save your breath, Edward. She’s obstinate. Refused an allowance and won’t come and live with us, though we’ve begged her to. I can’t think of anything nicer than having young Midge about the house.

EDWARD. Why don’t you, Midge?

MIDGE. (Moving Right of the sofa then below it) I have ideas. (She offers the olives toEDWARD.) Poor, proud and prejudiced—

(EDWARD shakes his head, refusing the olives.)

—that’s me.

(LADY ANGKATELL enters Left. She wears an evening gown. EDWARD rises.)

They’re badgering me, Lucy.

LADYANGKATELL. (Crossing to the armchair Left Centre) Are they, darling? (She sits.)

EDWARD. I don’t like the idea of her working in that dress shop.

MIDGE. (Crossing toLADYANGKATELL) Well, find me a better job. (She offers the olives to her.)

(LADY ANGKATELL takes an olive. MIDGE moves to the fireplace and puts the dish on the mantelpiece.)

EDWARD. There surely must be something . . .

MIDGE. I’ve no particular qualifications, remember. Just a pleasant manner and the ability to keep my temper when I’m shouted at.

EDWARD. Do you mean to say the customers are rude to you?

MIDGE. Abominably rude, sometimes. (She sits on the pouffe.) It’s their privilege.

EDWARD. (Crossing to the fireplace; horrified) But my dear girl, that’s all wrong. (He puts his glass on the mantelpiece.) If I’d only known . . .

(He takes his case from his pocket and offers MIDGE a cigarette.)

MIDGE. (Taking a cigarette) How should you know? Your world and mine are so far apart.

(EDWARD lights MIDGE’s cigarette.)

I’m only half an Angkatell. The other half’s just plain business girl, with unemployment always lurking round the corner in spite of the politicians’ brave words.

SIRHENRY. (Crossing toMIDGEwith two drinks) You be a good girl and drink that. (He hands one drink to her.) What’s rubbed your fur up the wrong way, kitten? (He offers the other drink to LADY ANGKATELL.)

LADYANGKATELL. (ToSIRHENRY) Sherry for me, dear.

(SIR HENRY moves to drinks table.)

Edward does have that effect sometimes.

(GERDA enters left. She wears an evening frock.)

GERDA. (Crossing to Right ofLADYANGKATELL) I’m so sorry if I’m late.

LADYANGKATELL. (HoldingGERDA’s hand) But you’re not at all late, my dear.

MIDGE. We’ve just come down.

SIRHENRY. What will you have, Mrs. Cristow—sherry—gin?

(JOHN enters Left. He wears dinner clothes.)

GERDA (Crossing to Left of the drinks table) Oh—thank you, gin and something, please.

JOHN. Am I the last? (He crosses down Right.)

LADYANGKATELL. Henrietta isn’t down yet.

(SIR HENRY crosses with a drink to LADY ANGKATELL and hands it to her, then returns to the drinks table and pours a drink for GERDA. The conversations overlap in a hubbub of talk.)

EDWARD. Yes, it’s one of your perks, didn’t you say, Midge? 

GERDA (Crossing to Right). This is very nice.

LADYANGKATELL. Perks? Do you mean to say you get them for nothing? Henry, darling, do you know that this child gets . . .

JOHN. It will go straight to your head, if you are not careful.