The Mousetrap

LADYANGKATELL. (Moving Centre) How nice to see you, Mr. Colquhoun. What is all this about a pistol and Gudgeon? I found that child Doris in floods of tears. The girl was quite right to say what she saw if she thought she saw it. I find right and wrong bewildering myself—easy when wrong is pleasant and right is unpleasant—but confusing the other way about, if you know what I mean. And what have you been telling them about this pistol, Gudgeon?

GUDGEON. (Respectfully but emphatically) I found the pistol in the hall, m’lady. I have no idea who put it there. I picked it up and put it back in its proper place. That is what I have told the Inspector and he quite understands.

LADYANGKATELL. (Gently shaking her head atGUDGEON) You shouldn’t have done that, Gudgeon. I’ll talk to the Inspector myself.

GUDGEON. But . . .

LADYANGKATELL. I appreciate your motives, Gudgeon. I know you always try to save us trouble and annoyance. (Firmly) That will do now.

(GUDGEON hesitates, throws a quick glance at SIR HENRY, then bows and exits Left. SIR HENRY looks very grave.)

(She crosses to the sofa, sits and smiles disarmingly at the INSPECTOR.)

That was really very charming of Gudgeon. Quite feudal, if you know what I mean. Yes, feudal is the right word.

INSPECTOR. Am I to understand, Lady Angkatell, that you yourself have some further knowledge about the matter?

LADYANGKATELL. Of course. Gudgeon didn’t find the gun in the hall at all. He found it when he took the eggs out.

INSPECTOR. The eggs?

LADYANGKATELL. Yes, out of the basket. (She seems to think all is now explained.)

SIRHENRY. You must tell us a little more, my dear. Inspector Colquhoun and I are still at sea.

LADYANGKATELL. Oh! The gun, you see, was in the basket—

(SIR HENRY rises.)

—under the eggs.

INSPECTOR. What basket? And what eggs, Lady Angkatell?

LADYANGKATELL. The basket I took down to the farm. The gun was in it and I put the eggs in on top of the gun and forgot about it. When we found poor John Cristow shot in here, it was such a shock that I let go the basket and Gudgeon caught it just in time—because of the eggs.

(SIR HENRY moves slowly to the fireplace.)

Later I asked him about writing the date on the eggs—so that one shouldn’t eat the fresh ones before the old ones—and he said all that had already been attended to—and I remember now he was rather emphatic about it. He found the gun, you see, and put it back in Henry’s study. Very nice and loyal of him—but also very foolish, because, of course, Inspector, the truth is what you want to hear, isn’t it?

INSPECTOR. (Crossing above the sofa to Centre, grimly) The truth is what I mean to get.

LADYANGKATELL. Of course. It’s all so sad, all this hounding people.

(The INSPECTOR moves to Left of the sofa.)

I don’t suppose whoever it was that shot John Cristow really meant to shoot him—

(The INSPECTOR and the SERGEANT look at each other.)

—not seriously I mean. If it was Gerda, I’m quite sure she didn’t. In fact, I’m rather surprised she didn’t miss—it’s the sort of thing one would expect of her.

(The INSPECTOR crosses above the sofa to Right.)

If she did shoot him, she’s probably dreadfully sorry about it now. It’s bad enough for children having their father murdered, without having their mother hanged for it. (Accusingly) I sometimes wonder if you policemen think of these things.

INSPECTOR. (Crossing below the sofa to Left of it; taken aback) We are not contemplating making an arrest just at present, Lady Angkatell.

LADYANGKATELL. (With a dazzling smile) Well, that’s sensible. But I have always felt that you are a very sensible man, Mr. Colquhoun.

INSPECTOR. Er—thank you, Lady Angkatell. (He breaks up Centre and turns.) Now I want to get this clear. (He moves down Left Centre.) You had been shooting with this revolver?

LADYANGKATELL. Pistol.

INSPECTOR. Ah yes, so Gudgeon said. You had been shooting with it at the targets?

LADYANGKATELL. Oh, no, no. I took it out of Henry’s study before I went to the farm.

INSPECTOR. (Looking atSIRHENRYand then at the armchair Left Centre) May I?

(SIR HENRY nods.)

(He sits.) Why, Lady Angkatell?