Stranger in a Strange Land

Mike looked at his glass. «I drink when it's a sharing. It doesn't have any effect on me, nor on most of us, unless we want it to. Once I let it have its effect until I passed out. It's an odd sensation. Not a goodness, I grok. Just a way to discorporate for a while without discorporating. I can get a similar effect, only much better and with no damage to repair afterwards, by withdrawing.»

«Economical.»

«Uh huh, our liquor bill isn't anything. Matter of fact, running that whole Temple hasn't cost what it costs you to keep up our home. Except for initial investment and replacing some props, coffee and cakes was all — we made our own fun. We needed so little that I used to wonder what to do with the money that came in.»

«Then why did you take collections?»

«Huh? Oh, you have to charge 'em, Jubal. The marks won't pay attention if it's free.»

«I knew that, I wondered if you did.»

«Oh, yes, I grok marks, Jubal. At first I did preach free. Didn't work. We humans have to make considerable progress before we can accept a free gift, and value it. I never let them have anything free until Sixth Circle. By then they can accept… and accepting is much harder than giving.»

«Hmm … son, maybe you should write a book on human psychology.»

«I have. But it's in Martian. Stinky has the tapes.» Mike took a slow sybaritic sip. «We do use some liquor. A few of us — Saul, myself, Sven, some others — like it. I've learned to let it have just a little effect, then hold it, and gain a euphoric growing-closer much like trance without having to withdraw.» He sipped again. «That's what I'm doing this morning — letting myself get the mildest glow and be happy with you.»

Jubal studied him closely. «Son, you've got something on your mind.»

«Yes.»

«Do you want to talk it out?»

«Yes. Father, it's always a great goodness to be with you, even if nothing is troubling me. But you are the only human I can talk to and know that you will grok and not be overwhelmed. Jill … Jill always groks — but if it hurts me, it hurts her still more. Dawn the same. Patty … well, Patty can always take my hurt away, but she does it by keeping it herself. They are too easily hurt for me to share in full with them anything I can't grok and cherish before I share it.» Mike looked very thoughtful. «Confession is needful. Catholics know that — they have a corps of strong men to take it. Fosterites have group confession and pass it around and thin it out. I need to introduce confession in the early purging — oh, we have it, but spontaneously, after the pilgrim no longer needs it. We need strong men for that — “sin” is rarely concerned with a real wrongness but sin is what the sinner groks as sin — and when you grok with him, it can hurt. I know.»

Mike went on earnestly, «Goodness is not enough, goodness is never enough. That was one of my first mistakes, because among Martians goodness and wisdom are identical. But not with us. Take Jill. Her goodness was perfect when I met her. Nevertheless she was all mixed up inside — and I almost destroyed her, and myself too — for I was just as mixed up — before we got squared away. Her endless patience (not common on this planet) was all that saved us … while I was learning to be human and she was learning what I knew.

«But goodness alone is never enough. A hard, cold wisdom is required for goodness to accomplish good. Goodness without wisdom always accomplishes evil.» Mike added most soberly, «And that's why I need you, Father, as well as loving you. I need your wisdom and your strength … for I must confess to you.»

Jubal squirmed. «Oh, for Pete's sake, Mike, don't make a production out of it. Just tell me what's eating you. We'll find a way out.»

«Yes, Father.»

But Mike did not go on. Finally Jubal said, «Do you feel busted up by the destruction of your Temple? I wouldn't blame you. But you aren't broke, you can build again.»

«Oh, no, that doesn't matter at all!»

«Eh?»

«That temple was a diary with its pages filled. Time for a new one, rather than write over filled pages. Fire can't destroy the experiences … and from a standpoint of practical politics, being chased out in so spectacular a fashion will help, in the long run. Churches thrive on martyrdom and persecution; it's their best advertising. In fact, Jubal, the last couple of days have been an enjoyable break in a busy routine. No harm done.» His expression changed. «Father… lately I learned that I was a spy.»

«What do you mean, son?»

«For the Old Ones. They sent me here to spy on our people.»

Jubal thought about it. Finally he said, «Mike, I know you are brilliant. You possess powers that I don't have and have never seen before. But a man can be a genius and still have delusions.»

«I know. Let me explain and you decide whether or not I'm crazy. You know how the surveillance satellites used by the Security Forces operate.»

«No.»