Some Buried Caesar

"Okay. First, if you think you can scare me by threats about basements you're too dumb for a mother's tears. Com- mon sense is against it, the probabilities are against it, and I'm against it. Second, the comedy. You asked for it by start- ing it, yesterday afternoon. You have no judgment. It's per- fectly true that there are people who can be opened up by making faces at them and talking loud, but if I was one of them how long do you think I'd last as Nero Wolfe's favorite employee, eating with him at his table? Look at me, anyhow! Can't you tell one kind of mug from another kind? Third, the situation we're in. It's so simple I understand it myself. You think I have knowledge which is your legal property because you're cops working on a murder, and I say I haven't. Under those circumstances, what can I do? I can keep my mouth shut. What can you do? You can arrest me and put me under bond to appear on demand. Finally, when you've gath- ered up everything you can find and put it in order, you can.either pin something on me, like obstruction of justice or accessory or perjury if I've been under oath, or any of that crap, or you can't. I return for a moment to your objection to my comedy. You deserved it because you've acted like a pair of comics yourselves."

I turned my palms up. "Were any of the words too long for you?"

Barrow sat down and looked at Waddell. The District At- torney said, "We don't think you have knowledge of facts, we know you have. And that's no comedy. Will you give them to us?"

"Nothing to give."

"Do you know your jeopardy? Have you had legal advice?"

"I don't need it. Didn't you hear my lecture? Find a lawyer that can beat it."

"You mentioned a bond. If you apply for release on bail, I'll oppose it. If your application is granted, it will be as high as I can make it."

"That's jake. Don't start worrying your little head about that on top of all your other troubles. I don't believe a rustic judge can look me in the eye and hold me without bail. The amount is a matter of indifference. My sister's father is a rich sewer tycoon."

"Your father? Where?"

"I said my sister's father. My family connections are none of your business, and besides, they're too complicated for you to understand. He is also occasionally my mother's father, on account of the fact that on the telephone last night my sister was my mother. But he isn't my father because I've never met him."