Saraband for Two Sisters

“You should tell him to take care. There’ll be trouble for that man one day if he persists in writing those pamphlets of his.”

“I do tell him. He will take no heed of me.”

I could not bear to remain there with him, for I was afraid that I would say something reckless. Was it just possible that he did not know?

That afternoon he left Far Flamstead. It was true that there was trouble in the north. One of the reasons there was so much disquiet in the country was that the King was taxing the nobility and the gentry heavily, and the City of London had refused to give the money for which he was asking. Richard said it was desperately needed for the Army and that the King was justified in his demands. Luke, on the other hand, believed that the King had no need of an army and that if he had not tried to interfere with Scotland’s religion there would be peace in the north. I was aware of Angelet’s relief at his departure, for much as she admired him and said she loved him, she was happier when he was away and the burden of her duty could be cast aside.

She regretted the fact that she had lost her child which would, she once said, “have made up for everything.” I pinned her down then and boldly said, “Which means that you dread the nights in the big bed, is that it?”

“How crudely you put it, Bersaba,” she said, “and considering you are not married yourself and know nothing of these things how can you talk about it?»

“There are some things a spinster can understand,” I retorted. “You won’t be a spinster long and then you will know for yourself,»

“The point is,” I replied, “you want the babies, you’ll endure the discomfort of pregnancy, but you dislike the initial necessity.”

She blushed and said, “Y-yes. J wish it didn’t have to happen like that.”

That was enough.

She spent her nights in the Blue Room. Her excuse was that she liked to be near me because it reminded her of old times.

“Why, if we left our doors open we could talk to each other,” she said wistfully. It was an excuse to escape the big four-poster in the room they shared, and she wanted to forget its existence, as she could in the peace of the Blue Room. So we went on with the dull life, which was so because Richard was not there, and we talked of him now and then and wondered how he was faring. “There is so much trouble nowadays,” said Angelet, secretly hoping that while it did not become awkward it would keep Richard away from Flamstead for a while. “Let us hope that these matters are soon settled,” I replied fervently, meaning it so that he would come back to us.

We went over to Longridge Farm once or twice and were made very welcome. When Luke was there he always singled me out and talked to me. He was always intrigued by my views on any subject, and I had to admit that I enjoyed our talks; they were a substitute in a way for my aching desire for Richard. I was aware that he was falling in love with me and that he was a little disturbed by those longings which I knew so well how to arouse in him. I didn’t spare him, either. I wanted to prove his theories wrong. I wanted to show him that he would be as eager to partake of the pleasures of life as I would.

There were days when the rain fell continuously and the house seemed gloomy. Halloween came and we talked of Carlotta and wondered how she was faring now. I remembered how I had hated her and wanted to kill her-or have someone else kill her for me-and how at the last minute I had saved her. That showed me that I, who thought I knew so much about other people, did not even know myself.

I remember the last day in October very well. Perhaps I felt restless because there was so much mist in the air and it blotted out that landscape so that even I accepted the fact that it would be unwise to go out riding.

In the afternoon I went to the bedchamber and looked at the bed and in a moment of folly I lay on it after having pulled the bedcurtains. I thought then of the night I had spent there and tried to relive every minute of it and to recall what he had said, and what I had replied. We had spoken little. There had been no need for words, and I had to bear constantly in mind that I was supposed to be my sister.

And then suddenly I heard a movement outside the curtains. The slight click of the door, a soft footstep. Someone was in the room.

The first thought which flashed into my mind was: “He has come back.” He would find me lying on this bed and he would know then what he had suspected ... for suspect he must have.

But there was no escape. If someone was in this room, and that someone pulled aside the bedcurtains, I must be seen.

I could hear my heartbeats. I lay there waiting ... and then the curtains were pulled back and Angelet was looking down on me.

“Bersaba! What are you doing?”

I sat up on one elbow.

“Oh, I was just wondering what it was like to ...to sleep here.”

“Whatever for?”

“Well, you sleep here ... sometimes, don’t you?”

“Well, naturally I do.”

“I just wanted to see, that’s all.”