Polynya

He turns in the other direction to see a hallway lit only by the room on the other side. The hallway is narrow enough that they’ll have to go through it in a line, and the larger members of the group, Hiccup and Wolf, will definitely have trouble squeezing through.

FeeTwix’s eyes flash. “There are lots and lots of tunnels attached to this main path,” he says. “Good map, Jay!” He gives his own face a thumbs up. “People, I’m serious here, this isn’t a paid endorsement. Buy Proxima Maps from Jack S. if you get the chance. He has a shop in Ertla, but he also delivers via EBAYmazon dragons. Not a paid endorsement, either!”

“Let’s go,” Zaena says, stepping forward. “I would like to be done with this damp, dark place.”

“Same here! I’m ready to dance my ass off.” FeeTwix raises his hands in the air and shakes his hips. “What about you, babe? Got any sweet Thulean moves to show me?”

She laughs nervously. “I don’t know about that.”

“But you’re excited, right?”

“A little.” Zaena narrows her orange eyes at Ryuk. “What about you? Are you excited to come?”

“I don’t really know if I should … ”

“You have to come,” FeeTwix says, “Enway will be there.”

“So?” Ryuk looks away, just in case his face has turned red.

“She’s pretty cute for an elf,” Zaena comments. “Much better than that bitch Tamana.”

Ryuk swallows hard. Remember, he thinks, the Tamana in here is an RPC that betrayed you. The Tamana up there was … different. Even with this thought, he still finds it troubling to hear his teammates talk ill of Tamana.

“Now where has that goblin run off to?” FeeTwix asks, looking down the adjacent hallway. “It shouldn’t be taking him this long.”

“Do you think he ran into trouble?” Ryuk asks the Swede.

“I think if he did, we’d hear him scream, fart, the clink of weapons, or at the very least, we’d hear Wolf bark.”

“He may have stopped to drink yet another potion. Who is keeping track of his potion consumption? He’s lucky we don’t need those!”

“Don’t worry, babe, the Fickers have been donating tons of potions. I’m just slowly giving them to him, almost as rewards.”

The three stand there quietly for a moment, listening for any indication that Hiccup has got into some shit. What they hear, after about a minute of listening, is the increasingly loud patter of paws.

“Is that … ?” FeeTwix steps back just in time.

Wolf bursts out of the opening, a smug look on his face. Sitting on top with his legs clamped around the wolf’s body is the cantankerous goblin.

“What?” he asks as he scratches Wolf behind the ear. “That fickin’ pathway was practically vertical. So I took a ride. Why are you all looking at me like that? He doesn’t mind, hell, if anyone else wants to hop up, you’re more than welcome too. But I get to sit in front. I’m nobody’s little lap bitch.”

FeeTwix nods, clearly impressed. “Now I can add ‘seeing a goblin riding a giant wolf’ to the list of things I never thought I’d see. Bad news, though, that path ahead looks really thin. I don’t think you can both get through there in your current form.”

“Fine, fine.” Hiccup pats Wolf on the head. He lowers his body, and the goblin hops off. “But I got first dibs on the canine taxi once we’re in the clear again.”

(0)__(0)

“This place is practically bristling with treasure!” FeeTwix announces, his finger raised in the air. “Seriously, guys, if we didn’t have a mission to handle, or a concert to get to, I’d say we hang back here and get as much damn treasure as our lists can carry.”

“I’m with Twixy,” Hiccup says at the back of the line. “Fick the Shinigami, fick Tamana, Marbles the Second, and the Knights for that matter. Fick the concert too. With money, all our problems will be solved. Hell, we can just rent a place in Jatla, you know, one of those high end apartments on the upper west side of the city, and have our own concert!”

“Those apartments?” Ryuk asks, imagining the run-down, two-story buildings on the upper west side of Jatla. Most of the places, from what he could tell, were missing walls and ceilings. A few were without doors and the public urinals that surrounded each building only added to the eyesore.

“What? Fick, Marbles, not all of us can afford the nicer things in life, but if we get that treasure, these four fickers – notice I said four, I’m not done vetting the elf – would be living high on the hog. Or horse. Is it high on the horse? Fick, you know what I mean. Damn, it’s bright ahead. Howzabout one of you bend a little so Uncle Goblin can take a peeksee? Fick, why am I at the back of the group again?”

“Because you were too scared to be the first,” Zaena calls back to him. “Now shut up for once; your constant rambling is driving me insane.”

“It looks like some sort of … of statue room,” FeeTwix says. “Yes! A room dedicated to the goddesses. This should be interesting! Everyone get ready for screenshots!”

The four Mitherfickers and their big bad wolf enter a chamber with impossibly high ceilings.