Polynya

“So where are the herbs?” Hiccup yawns. “I’m ready to cure Conan’s ass so we can get this show on the road.” A devious grin spreads across his face. “Plus, there’s still the issue of that halfling back at DD’s BBQ.”

FeeTwix’s eyes flash as he scans messages from his followers. “Ah! Here it is. We’re not looking for herbs, we’re looking for lily pads. Apparently, these lily pads are baked and then beaten to a fine powder. Then we mix it with some food and BOOM! We have ourselves a cured warrior that can take care of his pooch. Strange guy, by the way. Something different about him.”

“That’s because he’s not from here,” Ryuk says as he takes a few steps closer to the water. His Extreme Focus kicks in and it takes all of three seconds for him to catch some of the lily pads in question.

“Not from here?” Hiccup asks. “Like one of you fickin’ commoners? I knew I smelt something funny about the guy!”

“From another world?” Zaena asks. The Thulean has moved to the edge of the water and in a swift gesture, plucks one of the lily pads from the surface. She flips it up and over, and it lands square on Hiccup’s head.

“Fick me, Liz, careful with the goods!” he growls, and the way he fixes his pink topknot tells Ryuk that the goblin is referring to his hair, not the plants to be collected.

“Oric is from Unigaea,” Ryuk explains. “It was a fantasy world popular in the 2060s, so he’s a Player Character and, in a way, an immiNPC.”

“That would explain the tattoo on his chest,” says the Swede.

“Unigaea was a special fantasy world because of its mechanics, which made it quite frustrating. If you died in Unigaea, you died. That was it. You had to start over with a different avatar.”

Zaena turns to Ryuk and eyes him curiously. “I’m guessing that doesn’t apply to my kind.”

He shrugs. “I don’t know how it applied to NPCs, but anyway, to finish the story. Something happened, a source code bomb, and some people from Unigaea came here. Remember those two gnomes back in Kayi?”

“No,” she says.

“That’s cause you and Twixy were too busy killing zombies while Tammy – fick her by the way – and Marbles and I were busy looting. That’s how you got your necklace. The gnomes gave it to us. I forgot their names. Anus and Chippie. That might have been it. You’re wearing your necklace, right?”

“Arun and Chantrea. They were married,” Ryuk interjects.

“Close enough, and that’s their damn fault.”

Zaena pulls it out from the front of her armor. “I’ve been wearing the necklace since it was given to me.”

“We should see what Oric says about it,” Ryuk suggests. “He may be able to read it or tell us if it has some type of power. There’s no telling.”

“Good idea.” Zaena lifts another lily pad from the water and flings it over her head. As she does so, a great beast, easily the size of a city bus, pulls out of the center of the lake, flapping its enormous wings.

“Holy fick!” Hiccup shrieks, and lets loose a squealer.

The great beast cries out, shakes more water from its gigantic wings, and lifts into the air.

“What the hell is that thing!?” FeeTwix shouts, his eyes black orbs. “A what?” he asks his fans.

“Charochakcha!”

“WE’RE FICKED!” Hiccup dives for cover just as the great bird-like creature swoops down and grabs the goblin with its talons.

It screeches and the crimson wattle beneath its neck expands in size as it lifts back into the air.

(0)__(x)

“It has Hiccup!” Ryuk charges after the giant bird and as he does so, its stats appear before him.

Charochakcha Level ??

HP: 2000/2000                

ATK: 348        

MATK: 0

DEF: 407

MDF: 386

LUCK: 25

 

Her ghost limbs propelling her forward, Zaena hurls herself into the air and latches on to the feathered creature.

She hits the dirt as she’s dragged forward, and she collides with a thick bramble that definitely gives her some nicks and scrapes. From there, she’s airborne, propelling herself closer to the flying monstrosity in her mad dash to save Hiccup.

Save Hiccup? Even Ryuk takes a split second to consider this and its implications. They may be a motley group, half NPC and half commoner, but the Mitherfickers are the best damn guild he’s ever been part of, well, sort of. Well, at least for entertainment value, Ryuk thinks, and while they bicker and disagree, everyone has each other’s back.

Case in point: FeeTwix, who has equipped the bazooka he forced Ryuk to use against the Cherry Blossom Ninjas. With a squeeze of the trigger, the rocket whips into the air and collides with the great flying beast’s tail.

-110 HP!

“Fiiiiiiiicccckkk yoooooouuuu, Twixxxxxxyyyyyyy!” Ryuk hears Hiccup shout, as the bird drops towards the ground. Soon, it’s trying to again pick up speed, forcing the goblin to run like a madman through a patch of prickly bushes. “Fick, fick, fick!” he cries, running and simultaneously trying to wiggle out of the bird’s grip.