Polynya

“I’m not finished! After what your bride-to-be Tammy did back at the Shinigami’s guild quarters, we need a test to vet, extremely vet, anyone that we offer membership to.”

Ryuk raises an eyebrow at him. “What if one of your cousins asks to join?”

“Why would we need to vet one of them? They’re good people. Except Spew Gorge. He’s a real little ficker. He’s possibly my son too, but you didn’t hear that from me. But yeah, fick Tarzan over here and the wolf he rode in on.”

“Your goblin is a real asshole,” Oric says after he’s heard Hiccup say all this.

Ryuk’s face flushes red, embarrassment writ large. “Don’t listen to him,” he tells the poisoned warrior. “He can be … ”

“I can be what?” Hiccup presses past Ryuk and points his mechanical finger at Oric. “And for fick’s sake, what is with all the racism in this guild? I’m nobody’s goblin, I have a name. What’s with you people?”

“You people?” Zaena asks.

Ryuk interjects, “Hiccup, relax, ‘goblin’ is not a racial term.”

“Yeah, when we use it, but if others use it … you know what? Fick all of you, especially Liz.” He shoulders his way to the back of the group again.

“Fick you too, goblin!” Zaena laughs.

“Hey!”

“Is he always like this?” Oric asks.

“Not always,” says FeeTwix, “but usually. Anyway, ignore him. It’s late, and if he’s not gambling or visiting the hen house, Hiccup likes to get to bed early.”

“Damn straight, Twixy!”

“We may not seem like we get along,” Zaena says, “but we all generally like each other, some more than others.”

Enway chuckles. “Don’t look at me. I’m not part of the group yet. I haven’t been vetted either.”

Hiccup throws his hands in the air. “Fick it, he can join the guild. I give up. Not on Elfy though, she’s still getting vetted.”

“Baka!” Ryuk whispers under his breath.

“Join your guild?” Oric’s expression turns dark. “Not interested.”

“Good for me. Fick you and your dirty mutt. Twixy, got another headlamp?”

FeeTwix nods and the headlamp appears in his hand. The goblin waddles over to him, swipes it out of his hand, and once it is secured and he has made sure his pink hair doesn’t look bad, Hiccup goes over to the cliffside, finds a perch, and pulls a copy of the Tritanian Times out of thin air.

He makes a point to open to the jobs section and starts perusing the “Help Wanted” page.

A sudden realization flashes across Enway’s face. “You … you have Emil’s Sickness, don’t you?”

“Maybe,” says Oric. “I’m not familiar with many of the sicknesses of this world.”

“Do you mind if I examine you?”

Hiccup laughs from his perch. “Hell no he doesn’t!”

“Um, sure.” Wolf looks up at Enway as she circles around the pile of dog food and over to his master. “Relax, boy,” the warrior says under his breath.

“Let me see your arm.”

Oric shows her his exposed arm. Healing magic sprinkles from her fingertips as she touches him, and as she predicted, her healing power has no effect on him.

“I’m sorry,” she finally says, her eyes filling with concern, “I don’t know how to cure this.”

“Look no further!” FeeTwix points a finger in the air. “First person to tell me a cure for Emil’s Sickness gets an exclusive selfie of me and a one hundred dollar gift certificate to McStarbucks!” His eyes flash as he begins reading messages. “I see! Interesting. Ooo, risqué – can’t do that one! Uh-huh … uh-huh … that’s not too hard! Boom, done! All right, everybody, it looks like the Mitherfickers are heading to Lake Klattenhoff!”

“Lake Klattenhoff?” Ryuk asks.

“It’s where we’ll find the cure to Emil’s Sickness, according to, oh, about two thousand of my fans.”

“What? Are you out of your mind, Twixy? We’re helping this fickin’ jabroni?”

“That’s just the kind of Mitherfickers we are!” FeeTwix offers Oric his biggest, most sincere, shit-eating grin. “Give me a moment as I consult with my colleagues.”

“By all means,” Oric says, still hunched over. Ryuk senses that he’s still ready to pounce if need be, but he also appears relatively happy that he won’t be forced to fight.

“Ryuk. Babe.” FeeTwix waves the two over to Hiccup.

Meanwhile, Enway stays near Oric, still examining his illness. Ryuk stops and admires her for a moment, appreciating that she’s trying even though she knows all hope is lost.

Tamana is like that.

‘Was’ like that, he reminds himself bitterly.

“What the fick, Twixy?” Hiccup asks as soon as the Swede nears him. “Back me up here, Marbles, the Mitherfickers got places to go and people to see. We’re not taking on charity cases. If we were, hell, there’s a lot of work we could do in Jatla.”

“My goblin friend,” FeeTwix says, taking a seat on the rock next to Hiccup. He places his arm around his shoulders.

“It’s Hiccup and, well actually, I don’t mind when you say it like that. All right, Twixy, you fickin’ charmed me over. I’ll give you my wallet and a handie if you’re nice. Joking, Liz, don’t get pouty. I’m not touching his chalupa. Give me the lowdown, Twixy.”

“So it’s like this,” FeeTwix explains. “That man’s wolf–”