Lament for a lost lover

I felt my lips turning up at the corners cynically. I had no doubt that it had been her idea from the first and that her reluctance would have been as false as she was. She lowered her eyes and succeeded in looking modest, but I knew, of course, what a good actress she was.

“Oh, Arabella,” she said, “How happy I am to see you again. I have thought of you so much. And you are married again ... to Carleton. Dear Toby has been telling me.”

“It was their married bliss that made me see what I was missing,” said the doting old man. Poor Uncle Toby! He had no idea of the kind of woman he had married.

Matilda had recovered her composure. She could never for long fail in her duties as the perfect hostess.

“Well, Toby, I have had the blue room made ready for you.”

“Thank you, Matilda. It’s what I was hoping.”

“Shall I take Harriet up?” I asked.

Matilda looked relieved. “That would be very pleasant,” said Harriet. I was very much aware of her eyes on me as she followed me up the stairs. I threw open the door of the blue room. It was pleasant, as all the rooms at Eversleigh nowadays, and so called because of the colour of its furnishing. Harriet studied the four-poster with blue hanging, the blue curtains, and blue carpets.

“Very nice,” she said. She sat on the bed and looked up at me smiling. “This is fun,” she said.

As I did not smile with her, her expression changed to one of concern. “Oh, Arabella, you are not still holding out against me, are you? I had to leave Leigh with you. How could I take him with me? I knew you would be the perfect mother to him ... far better than I ever could.”

“I know who his father was.”

She was wrinkling her brows and preparing to look innocent.

“Charles ...” she began.

“No,” I said, “not Charles Condey. You contented yourself merely with taking him away from Charlotte. I know his father was Edwin.”

She turned a shade paler. Then her lips curled. “He told you, of course. Your new husband.”

“Yes, he told me.”

“Just what I should expect of him.”

“It was right that I should know after having been deceived by you for so long.”

“I can explain ...”

“No, you can’t. There was a letter of yours on Edwin when he was killed. It was bloodstained, but not too much so to prevent my being able to read what you had written to him. It explained everything. I know about the meetings in the arbour and how you were caught there and shot by the Puritan fanatic.”

“Oh,” she said blankly. Then she shrugged her shoulders and reminded me so much of the occasions when I had discovered her prancing into the room-the first discovery of deceit which should have warned me. “Well,” she went on. “It’s the way of the world.”

“Your way, I know. I hope such behaviour is not general.”

“So now you hate me. Why should you? You have another husband now.” She smiled. “Let us forget the past, Arabella. I hated deceiving you. It made me so unhappy. It was just that I fell so madly in love that I couldn’t help it. But it’s over now.”

“Yes,” I said, “it’s over and now you have caught Uncle Toby.”

“Caught him! He was the angler. I was the little fish.”

“A fish who would only be caught if she wanted to be, I’m sure.”

“I’ve changed, Arabella. I’ll admit I let myself be caught.” She got off the bed and, going to the mirror, looked at her reflection. “I’m no longer quite so young, Arabella.”

“No, “I said bluntly.

“Nor are you,” she retorted sharply. Then she laughed. “Oh, Arabella, it is good to be with you. More than anything I have missed you. I’m so excited to be here. No one can turn me out now, can they? I’m a legitimate member of the household. I have the marriage bond to prove it. Harriet Eversleigh, of Eversleigh Court. There are only two people standing in the way of my becoming Lady Eversleigh. Lord Eversleigh himself and your son Edwin.”

“As my son is but seven years old I am inclined to think your chances are slight.”

“Of course. But it is nice to feel near, you know. Particularly when you have been a hardworking actress-and I’ll admit that times have been hard sometimes. To be able to say it’s quite unlikely but ...”

“Stop it!” I cried angrily. “You are saying that if Edwin were to die ...”

“I was only teasing you. How could Toby inherit? What made me feel a little jubilant was that he has made Carleton step aside.”

“I think this is a rather unpleasant conversation.”

“We are rather outspoken in the theatre, I’m afraid.”

“Then you will have to change now you are at Eversleigh Court.”

“I will, Arabella. I promise you. Dear Arabella, don’t be angry with me. Let us be friends. I want that so much. I have missed you. When anything unusual or comical happened, I always used to say to myself: ‘I should love to tell that to Arabella.’ I can’t bear that you should be cold to me.”

“In the circumstances how can you expect anything else?”

“You’ve changed, Arabella.”

“In the light of my discoveries, wouldn’t you expect that?”

She sighed. “I suppose so.”

“Now I will leave you. If you need anything, pull the bell rope and the maid will bring it.”