Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

DOLORES UMBRIDGE: Have you swallowed something funny in there? Become a Mudblood without any of us noticing? Harry Potter died over twenty years ago as part of that failed coup on the school — he was one of those Dumbledore terrorists we bravely overthrew at the Battle of Hogwarts. Now come along — I don’t know what game you’re playing but you’re upsetting the dementors and entirely ruining Voldemort Day.

And the Parseltongue whispers grow louder and louder. Grow monstrously loud. And giant banners with snake symbols upon them descend over the stage.

SCORPIUS: Voldemort Day?

We cut to black.

ACT THREE, SCENE ONE

HOGWARTS, HEADMISTRESS’S OFFICE

SCORPIUS enters the office of DOLORES UMBRIDGE. He is dressed in darker, blacker robes. He has a pensive look on his face. He remains coiled and alert.

DOLORES UMBRIDGE: Scorpius. Thank you so much for coming to see me.

SCORPIUS: Headmistress.

DOLORES UMBRIDGE: Scorpius, I’ve thought for a long time that you have Head Boy potential, as you know. Pure-blooded, a natural leader, wonderfully athletic . . .

SCORPIUS: Athletic?

DOLORES UMBRIDGE: No need to be modest, Scorpius. I’ve seen you on the Quidditch pitch, there’s rarely a Snitch you don’t catch. You are a highly valued student. Valued by the faculty. Valued especially by me. I’ve positively glowed about you in dispatches to the Augurey. Our work together flushing out the more dilettante students has made this school a safer, purer place —

SCORPIUS: Has it?

There is the sound of a scream from off.

SCORPIUS

turns towards it. But he dismisses the thought. He must and he will control himself.

DOLORES UMBRIDGE: But in the three days since I found you in that lake on Voldemort Day, you’ve become . . . odder and odder. In particular, this sudden obsession with Harry Potter . . .

SCORPIUS: I don’t . . .

DOLORES UMBRIDGE: Questioning everyone you can about the Battle of Hogwarts. How Potter died. Why Potter died. And this ludicrous fascination with Cedric Diggory. Scorpius, we’ve checked you for hexes and curses — there were none we can see — so I’m asking if there’s anything I can do — to restore you to what you were . . .

SCORPIUS: No. No. Consider me restored. Temporary aberration. That’s all.

DOLORES UMBRIDGE: So we can continue our work together?

SCORPIUS: We can.

She puts her hand to her heart, and touches her wrists together.

DOLORES UMBRIDGE: For Voldemort and Valor.

SCORPIUS (trying to copy): For — um — yes.

ACT THREE, SCENE TWO

HOGWARTS, GROUNDS

KARL JENKINS: Hey, Scorpion King.

SCORPIUS

is high-fived, it’s painful, he takes it.

YANN FREDERICKS: We’re still on, right, tomorrow night?

KARL JENKINS: Because we are ready to spill some proper Mudblood guts.

POLLY CHAPMAN: Scorpius.

POLLY CHAPMAN

is standing on the stairs,

SCORPIUS

turns towards her, surprised to hear her say his name.

SCORPIUS: Polly Chapman?

POLLY CHAPMAN: Shall we cut to it? I know everyone is waiting to know who you’re going to ask because, you know, you need to ask someone and I’ve been asked by three people already and I know I’m not alone in refusing them all. In case, you know, you were to ask me.

SCORPIUS: Right.

POLLY CHAPMAN: Which would be great. If you were interested. Which rumor is — you are. And I just want to make clear — at this moment — that I am also interested. And that isn’t a rumor. That’s a — f-a-c-t — fact.

SCORPIUS: That’s um — great but — what are we talking about?

POLLY CHAPMAN: The Blood Ball, of course. Who you — the Scorpion King — are taking to the Blood Ball.

SCORPIUS: You — Polly Chapman — want me to take you to a — ball?

There is the sound of screaming behind him.

What is that screaming?

POLLY CHAPMAN: Mudbloods, of course. In the dungeons. Your idea, wasn’t it? What’s going on with you? Oh Potter, I’ve got blood on my shoes again . . .

She bends and carefully cleans the blood off her shoes.

Like the Augurey insists — the future is ours to make — so here I am, making a future — with you. For Voldemort and Valor.

SCORPIUS: For Voldemort it is.

POLLY

walks on,

SCORPIUS

looks agonized after her. What is this world — and what is he within it?

ACT THREE, SCENE THREE

MINISTRY OF MAGIC, OFFICE OF THE HEAD OF MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT