Dirty Little Secrets

I felt a heavy weight settle in my stomach as I looked back toward the rear of the yard. Sure enough, Justine had planted herself right in front of where Josh was singing.

“He’s not flirting with Justine,” Kaylie said. “Everyone knows she’s been throwing herself at him for months.”

“I have eyes,” Tricia said. “And I know what I saw.” She looked at me. “You don’t seriously think you’d be going out with him? He’s totally going to get back together with Cara—they’re just cooling off until after winter break. They’re meant for each other.”

Each word was like a hammer blow of reality. Kaylie might want to think Josh liked me, but as annoying as Tricia was, she was probably right. I glanced back to the stage where Josh was looking intently at someone as he finished the song. He was looking right at Justine Hildebrandt.

The music stopped, but I couldn’t bear to have Josh see me now, chasing him like all the other girls. What would he think if he saw me standing here? I couldn’t stand to see him put his arm around Justine, to know that she was feeling the warmth of his body next to hers, inhaling his scent. The last normal night of my life was probably going to end like every other one had—with me cold and alone.

Kaylie was still arguing with Tricia, so I inched backward until I was standing next to a tall palm tree in a big wooden planter. I tried taking another drink to see if getting buzzed would make me feel any better, but the beer was so disgusting I could barely manage a tiny swallow. There was no way I was going to be able to choke down enough to make it worth it—while nobody was looking I tipped my cup into the planter and dumped out half the beer.

As I raised the cup back to my lips so it would look like I’d been drinking the whole time, I felt warm breath on the back of my neck.

“I wouldn’t drink that swill, either,” he said with a laugh.

My heart raced and I didn’t know whether to be happy or horrified, because I’d recognize Josh Lee’s voice anywhere.

chapter 17

9:30 p.m.

“Well, well,” Vanessa said. “Look who’s here.”

I bit the edge of my plastic cup and stared down at my shoes, not daring to look behind me. I knew that if I turned around and saw Josh holding hands with Justine, I’d probably run out of there without another word. So much for acting normal.

“I’m going to get something to drink,” Josh said, slightly out of breath. “Can I get anybody anything?”

He was standing so close to me I could feel the heat radiating off his body. He smelled clean and solid as he spoke over my shoulder. One quick glance told me that, at least for the moment, he was alone. I’d never believed the whole “weak in the knees” theory, but right now I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to stay upright.

I looked up in time to see Vanessa cut her eyes at me. She tossed her long blond hair behind her shoulder and raised her eyebrows. I didn’t know what she was up to, but it didn’t feel good. “I’d love another beer,” she said. She rolled her tongue over her lips and giggled as he took her cup.

As far as I knew, she didn’t even like Josh, so the only reason for the theatrics was to get him to notice her. And in that skirt and with those heels, if he didn’t notice her, he was blind.

“What about you, Luce?” Josh asked. “You look like you could use another beer.” I swear he winked at me when he said it.

I pretended to take another sip from my cup. “No, thanks. I’m fine.” If I got more beer, the potted plants on the patio would probably wither up and die before the night was over.

“Well, at least help me carry these.” Josh tucked my arm into his and spun me around.

I was so surprised I started sputtering. “Wait . . .”

Kaylie grinned as I looked over my shoulder at her. “Go on, Lucy—Josh looks like he needs help.”

Josh guided me effortlessly through the crowd and in through the patio doors to the kitchen. His cheeks were bright red from playing and his hair was damp with sweat. “Here we are,” he said, and set the cups down on the counter.

“But the keg’s out there,” I said.

“I’ve got something better in here,” Josh said, and pulled the refrigerator door open. “Rinse those out, will you?” His voice was muffled as he dug through the crammed fridge.

I had no idea what he was doing, but I turned on the tap and rinsed our cups under hot water. The beer in the keg was nasty, and I wasn’t up for drinking any more, but I could always find somewhere to dump it out.

Bottles clanked as Josh emerged from the depths of the fridge. “Here we go. I had to stash them way back there so nobody would drink them.”

“Must be special,” I said. “I didn’t think to bring my own.” I was nervous, so I was monitoring everything that came out of my mouth. It was like there were two people in my body—one who was actually speaking to Josh and one who was hanging back and making sure that the one doing the talking didn’t sound completely stupid.