Dirty Little Secrets

I took a deep breath. “No. No, let’s go.” And I meant it. No matter what I was doing, nothing was going to happen at the house until morning. The next twelve hours were going to be the last normal ones in my life, and I didn’t want to waste them surrounded by garbage at my house or sitting in a heap on her floor. This would be the last chance I ever had to be just regular old Lucy, and I might as well go out and make the most of it. I sniffed, and wiped the last traces of moisture from my face. “I must be a wreck,” I said, laughing a little.

Kaylie grinned, but her eyes still looked serious. “You did sort of ruin my work,” she said. “Sit down and I’ll fix it for you, if you’re sure.”

I nodded quickly, and she got out some wipes and the makeup and started repairing the damage I’d caused.

Kaylie’s mom knocked at the same time she stuck her head in the doorway. “Oh, hi, Lucy,” she said, giving me a smile. “I didn’t hear you come in.” She turned to Kaylie. “Who’s driving tonight?”

“Vanessa’s sister. She’s home from college for vacation. I was thinking one o’clock—it’s break, after all.”

“Twelve thirty,” her mom said. “But no later. And make sure she isn’t drinking. You can always call me if you get stuck.” It always blew me away that Kaylie and her mom could talk about those kinds of things. Mom would freak if I went to a party, forget about one where she thought there might be drinking.

“Are you spending the night, Lucy?” her mom asked me. She never asked why I spent so much time over here—she seemed to know she wouldn’t like the answer.

“Yes,” Kaylie said quickly.

“Actually, I have to go home tonight,” I said. I had to get home before Sara to make sure everything looked right before I ended it all with a simple phone call.

“Well, you’re always welcome here. You know that. I’ll see you at twelve thirty.” She put her arm around Kaylie and kissed her on the cheek—a gesture that neither of them gave a second thought but made my heart ache.

“You really okay?” Kaylie asked, reaching for her purse. “ ’Cause you can tell me anything.”

I shrugged, not trusting my voice, and stared off into the distance, trying to maintain some control. She had no idea what “anything” might mean.

“Listen,” she said, turning off her bedroom light. “The stars are aligning. I can feel it. This is going to be your night. It’s going to be great.” The more she spoke, the more excited Kaylie seemed to get. It was hard not to catch a little bit of her enthusiasm.

“If you say so,” I managed.

“Well, I do say so.” She looked me up and down and brushed some stray hairs away from my face. It was such a caring gesture that it almost made me start crying again.

“Thanks,” I said quietly. At least for tonight I had a real best friend. I stood a little straighter, trying to be one of those people who took chances. “Okay, let’s go.” I didn’t look back as we walked out of the house and into the last normal night of my life.

chapter 16

9:00 p.m.

Vanessa’s sister pulled up just as we got outside. She slid the back door open and then grabbed her phone to answer a quick text.

“Hey, Lucy,” Vanessa said from the front seat as we climbed into the minivan. “I didn’t think you were coming.”

In the split second between when she spoke and when I answered, a million thoughts ran through my brain. Did she wish I wasn’t coming? Had she and Kaylie been talking about me behind my back about tonight? Vanessa and I were like friends once-removed. We wouldn’t have had any connection at all except for Kaylie, and I always felt like she was letting me know that she had been there first.

“Yeah,” I said. “I got done early so I decided to come along.”

Kaylie smacked me on the shoulder. “She got done early and couldn’t stand the thought of Josh Lee being there all by himself.” She sat back hard as the van lurched into the street.

“Are you having a thing with Josh Lee?” Vanessa asked in a tone that said she didn’t believe it.

“No,” I said. “Kaylie’s just hallucinating.” I could feel my cheeks getting warm at the thought of seeing him. Focusing on Josh made my nerves calm down a little. I had to put Mom and the house behind me if I was going to go through with this. This was my only shot, and I had to take it because there probably wouldn’t be another one.

“Not even,” she said. “You should have seen them at the movies last night.”

God, was that really only last night? It seemed like weeks ago.

“That’s funny. I thought he was back together with Cara,” Vanessa said. I was pretty sure she was lying, but the thought made my stomach turn. Still, it wouldn’t be that surprising—they were bound to get back together at some point. Vanessa grinned at me as she sat back in her seat and pulled a cigarette out of her purse. She’d taken a few drags when Kaylie smelled it and popped the back window open.

“Nessa!” she yelled. “My mom will have a heart attack if she smells smoke on me!”