Dirty Little Secrets

I took a few quick steps to catch up to him. “Right,” I said. “Physics.” Our strides matched as we walked down the hall, me racking my brain trying to come up with something interesting to say. Luckily, Josh didn’t seem to have the same problem.

“God, Ms. Lucas is killing me this year,” he said. “I thought chemistry was bad, but sometimes it’s like she’s speaking another language.”

“It’s not so hard,” I said. Art was my favorite subject, but I always did pretty well in science too. I watched our feet as they stretched over the worn linoleum floor, not daring to look up into his face. “She usually explains things pretty well. Plus, physics is kind of fun if you look at it the right way.”

“Are you kidding me?” Josh asked. “Fun? No wonder you’re always getting As. We should study together sometime, just so I don’t screw up my GPA. Then you can show me how physics is fun.”

I glanced up to see if he was kidding, but he was looking at me seriously out of the corner of his eye. “Um, we could do that,” I said. “That would be cool.” I couldn’t believe that Josh Lee was actually walking through the hall asking me to help him with physics. Maybe we could go to the café and study, our heads bent over one of the tiny round tables as we ordered coffee after coffee to keep us working until late at night.

Josh’s smile widened. “Maybe—”

“There you are!” Cara squealed, jumping on his back and draping her arms over his shoulders. “I’ve been looking all over for you.” She buried her face in his neck, and I just stared, wishing so badly I had permission to do the same thing.

He reached up and grabbed her by the arms. “Hey, Cara,” he said, laughing a little. “We were just heading to class.”

Cara slid off his back. “We?” she asked.

“Yeah.” He nodded in my direction. “You know Lucy?”

She glanced at me for a second longer than necessary and said, “Um, not really.” Cara turned her full attention to Josh. “Listen, I need to talk to you about Friday night.” She pulled him over to the lockers and leaned in so they could talk quietly, leaving me standing alone in the stream of people heading to class. I watched for a second as they surrounded themselves with the privacy that only long-time couples seem to have—studying each other, oblivious to everyone else around them.

“Well,” I said quietly and sighed. “Guess I’ll see you in class.” I walked slowly toward the science wing, feeling like an idiot but also grateful that I hadn’t made a complete ass of myself. Like Josh would ever choose me over Cara. Or over anyone.

Now here I was doing the same thing again—having crazy fantasies about Josh when he was just being polite. Kaylie stood on her tiptoes surveying the crowd. “I think I see Steve over to the right.”

“I’m freezing,” I said. “I’m going back inside.” I wanted to get out of there before Josh knew I’d come. I couldn’t compete with all of the normal girls in school—there was no use even trying.

“What’s inside?” Kaylie asked. “All the good stuff is out here.” She looked at me and then back to the band. “What you need is some beer. Wait here, I’ll be right back.”

With the crowd around the keg as huge as it was, I figured she’d be gone for ages, but she was back in a minute or two.

“Here,” she said, handing me a blue plastic cup. “Careful, it’s a little drippy.”

“How did you do that so fast?”

“I have my ways,” she said. She looked over my shoulder to see if Steve was still there. I wished I could be more like her and look straight at what I wanted. And navigate a keg in under two minutes. “Drink it quick. It’ll relax you.”

I took a tentative sip of the beer. It tasted like vomit. I tried hard not to wrinkle my nose in disgust.

“Is it bad?” Kaylie asked. I handed her the beer and she took a small sip. “Just like them to get a keg full of crap beer.” She handed it back to me. “Doesn’t matter, though, it’ll do the trick.”

Vanessa and Tricia came over with their own matching blue plastic cups. The beer was cold and my hand was getting numb. They should give you those cardboard sleeves like they do at Sienna when the coffee is too hot for the cup.

“Cheers!” Vanessa said, and raised her cup in the air before taking a giant swig. She didn’t even make a face when she was done.

“Are we checking out anyone in particular?” Tricia asked. Her skirt was almost as short as Vanessa’s, but at least she had the decency to shiver and cross her arms in front of her as she tried to ward off the cold wind that cut through the yard.

Vanessa laughed. “Apparently Miss Lucy here has a thing going with Josh Lee.”

Tricia raised her eyebrows. “I knew that he’d broken up with Cara—were you his thing on the side?”

“No way!” Kaylie answered for me. “Get real. Lucy doesn’t have to go for sloppy seconds. Josh asked her to come to the party. He’s totally into her.”

“If he’s so into her, then why has he been flirting with Justine all night?” Tricia asked. She tossed her head in the direction of the stage.