Under the Lights

The bark-snort combo I emit involuntarily is an unfortunately dead-on imitation of a seal. “Are you kidding me? Yeah, I love what I’m doing, but I have no idea where I go from here. You know how many roles there are out there for an Asian-American actress? Me neither. At least you have a real education and will end up going to a decent college if you don’t figure out the job thing. My parents are afraid I’m gonna wash up with the show in a couple years and end up unemployed, broke, and living in their house forever. And you know what? They’re probably right.”

“Of course they’re not right.” The anger in Bri’s voice surprises us both, if her slight jolt backward is any indication. “Van, you’re smart, talented, and gorgeous. You’re good at this. I don’t know what it’s like to be a minority in Hollywood, but I know you’re not even close to done. You’re gonna be whatever you wanna be.”

I love her idealism and her faith, even if it’s misplaced. The truth is, Daylight Falls has been a great ride and probably will be for another couple of years, but I’ve been doing this — and been best friends with Alexandra Duncan, Mistress of Hollywood Cynicism — for far too long to believe in miracles.

“That’s not true for girls like me,” I tell her, trying not to sound as bitter as I feel. “Life’s different for someone like Liam.”

“Ah, Liam.” Bri laughs. “He really is pretty, isn’t he?”

I roll my eyes. “No comment.”

“Oh, right. I forgot you’ve been there, done that.”

“You know that was all your mother’s idea, right?”

“Of course I know. Those kinds of plans are Jade’s specialty.” She stretches her arms out in front of her, which makes her bangles jangle again. “Can’t really blame me for not wanting to follow in her footsteps, can you?”

“Never.”

“But still, Liam always seemed to me like a decent guy. You really ripped him one tonight. I thought you guys were friends.”

“We are. We were. I don’t know.” I inhale the calming salt air. “I thought we’d hang out more with Ally gone, maybe, or at least chill on set, but I feel like ever since she left, he’s just throwing himself into this whole world that doesn’t have a place for me or anyone else in it. And that includes Ally, which in turn makes her more distant, which sucks.”

“Maybe he’s trying to keep himself distracted from the pain of his girlfriend being three thousand miles away. Speaking of things that suck.”

“Yeah, I guess,” I mutter.

“Hey.” Her hand covers mine. “It’s okay if you’re not a hundred percent sure what you’ll be doing in five years. I mean, it has to be, right? If you’re screwed, I’m beyond screwed.”

I laugh, squeezing her fingers. “Then, yes, it has to be. Because we’re both gonna be fine. We just need to make some actual plans, or something.”

“And to move out of our moms’ houses!” she adds triumphantly. “Definitely a solid goal for both of us.”

“I will if you will.”

“I will, so you will.” The confidence in her voice is unwavering, and it makes me smile. It’s infectious. More than that, it’s the first time I’ve actually felt like maybe I can make it happen, especially if I have someone trying to dig out of the same hole at the same time.

“We could do it together, even,” I say, growing excited now. “Get our own cute place. Something close to both the set and Jade’s office.”

“Could we get a shaggy purple rug? I’ve always wanted a shaggy purple rug.”

I burst out laughing. “Of all things, that’s what you want? Sure, we can get a shaggy purple rug. As long as there’s enough space on the hardwood for our yoga mats.”

“Obviously. And fish — we should get fish. One of those really cool fish tanks they have in fancy hotels and whatever.”

“I’m pretty sure those are like a billion dollars,” I tell her sadly.

“Oh.” Her face falls. “Well, maybe just a dinky little goldfish bowl then. I’ve always wanted a pet.”

“I thought you’ve always wanted a shaggy purple rug.”

“That too. Shockingly, Jade wouldn’t let me have either one.”

“I am shocked. I bet you’d make a great fish mom, too.”

“I totally would, right? I’d spoil those babies rotten.”

“I believe it,” I say sincerely. “You are a very excellent caretaker.” I realize then that her hand is still on mine, and I hook my pinky around hers. “I really am glad you came.”

She swallows hard, but doesn’t respond.

For the second time in two days, I feel like a complete and total idiot, and I quickly slip my hand out from hers. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…I’m sorry.”

“You know, you don’t flirt like a straight girl,” she murmurs, the words rolling right through my body to curl my toes.

My skin prickles with heat as a guilty flush steals over me, and I’m grateful it’s hidden by the dark. I guess I was flirting, but…why? I mean, yeah, there’s no ignoring that she’s attractive, but it’s not like she’s the first girl I’ve ever noticed that about; I work in freaking Hollywood. And of course I like hanging out with her, and feel like I can talk to her — she’s a friend. Period. That’s all girls are to me.

Isn’t it?

“I’m sorry,” I rasp again, and mean it.