Under the Lights

“What gross friends?”

I jerk my head toward the French doors leading out to the pool, and the group of guys sitting beyond it — Josh’s usual posse of guys who get either the “Bad Boy with a Heart of Gold for the Right Girl” or “Dumb Stoner” roles. “What are they even doing here?”

Another shrug. “It’s a party. They’re my friends. They show up.”

“Well, they’re not friends with any of the rest of us. Royce Hudson tried to stick a hand up my dress at the VMAs last year.”

“He’s a dick when he’s drunk,” Josh says, like that’s any excuse. “Besides, they’re friends with Liam, too.” He walks over to the door and peers through. “See? He’s hanging out with them now. He’s — oh, for fuck’s sake, Shannah.”

“What?” I jump over to the door and follow Josh’s eyeline. Sure enough, there’s Liam, practically passed out on a chaise by the pool. And draped over him is none other than his and Josh’s shared former bedbuddy.

I swing the door open and storm out, even as Josh yells at me to calm down. But there’s no way in hell I’m calming down. I’m too worked up — about Bri, about Josh, about Ally not being here when I need her — and right now, Liam’s looking like a perfect target. “What the hell, Liam? Are you kidding me?”

His head jerks up from where it had been bent way too close to the low neckline of Shannah’s halter top. “Vanessa. I…what?” He blinks dumbly, and I think about how many girls have fallen hard for those ocean-colored eyes, including my best friend, who’d probably answer his call at any hour. I look at his dark circles of exhaustion and remember that they come from working two movies on top of our show, and how much I struggle to land even a bit part in one.

I think about everything that’s falling into his lap right now — how much he’s taking for granted and how stupid he’s being, letting Shannah near him while Ally’s away — and I want to scream.

My rage must show on my face, because he pales considerably and pulls away from Shannah so fast she almost falls off the chair. “This is so not — I mean, you know this isn’t anything. You know I was just sitting here, and there’s nothing weird going on.”

He grabs for my arm, but I jump out of the way, nearly stumbling on a wayward beer bottle. I can’t even see straight with the rage clouding my vision. It’s one thing for my relationship to be bullshit — my relationships are always bullshit — but not Ally’s. Not theirs. What they have is real — not staged hand-holding and kissing for the cameras and purity pledges, but actual love.

Or at least I thought it was. But I don’t know the guy begging me for my silence right now. He sure seems a whole lot like more bullshit.

As if to further prove my point, the voice he uses to say, “Vanessa, you know me,” sounds like it belongs to a stranger.

“I did,” I say bitterly. “Back when you were actually around instead of ceding your airtime to Josh, and making my best friend happy instead of forcing her to wait for your phone calls every night so she winds up missing the parties and study sessions she should be going to. Somehow, I don’t think ‘cheater’ is that unbelievable a new role for you. Hell, you should tell James Gallagher how good you are at it. He’ll probably write a whole movie centered around it just for you.”

“Jesus, Vanessa. Is that why you’re being like this? Because you’re jealous?”

“I’m not jealous of anything, you jerk,” I spit, but we both know it’s a lie. Of course I’m jealous that he’s getting roles and Daylight Falls might be all I ever have. Of course I’m jealous that he’s been in a relationship with someone for a year and all I’ve had since we publicity-dated is a string of irrelevant setups. Of course I’m jealous that he’s on his own, with his own place and an established career, and his best friend still in town. “Just leave me alone.”

“Not until you promise you’re not going to call Ally with some crazy story. You’re just gonna upset her over nothing.”

“He’s right, K-drama,” Josh chimes in. “Frankly, you’re being a little crazy tonight. Maybe you should’ve brought Wilson to the party. Have him around to keep you in line.”

“I can’t even deal with this right now,” I say on a sharp exhale, turning away from the guys and walking toward the beach.

“Van—”

“I won’t call Ally,” I yell over my shoulder. “But you should.” And then I quicken my pace until I hit the sand, and the sound of crashing waves drowns out everything around me.

* * *

I haven’t been on the beach more than five minutes when I hear Bri coming up behind me. “Hey, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Are you okay?”

Closing my eyes, I breathe deeply, willing myself not to snap. I don’t want you here, I think, wishing I could push the words out the back of my skull so I could get rid of her without turning, without speaking.

And I wish they were true.

“I’m fine,” I bite out, keeping my gaze fixed on the reflection of the moon in the Pacific.

“No, you aren’t.”