The Song of the Siren

I stammered: “She left Tomtit That was not like her. You know how she always felt about horses and dogs. She always thought of them first.”

“She had not been well for some days....” My mother frowned. “I suppose this fever suddenly overcame her and she wasn’t sure where she was.... Then she went into the wood and collapsed, I suppose. Whatever it was... it happened and it has left her with this... I don’t know what.”

“Is she in pain?”

“Not so much now. But sometimes she finds it difficult to walk. She must rest. The doctors all say that. We are with her a great deal. Leigh plays chess with her and reads to her. She loves to be read to. I sit with her; we sew a little together.

She seems happiest with us ... and now Clarissa has come there is a change in her.

Your little girl is doing Damaris a great deal of good. What a darling she is. Benjie must be proud of her.”

Sometimes the secrets in my life weighed me down.

I said: “What about... the Pilkingtons?”

A look of scorn came into my mother’s eyes.

“Oh, they’ve gone ... completely.”

“It’s odd ...” I began.

“Elizabeth Pilkington found the country too dull apparently.”

“And ... the son ... ? Wasn’t he interested in Damaris?”

“Not when she became ill, apparently. He came to ask once or twice when she was very ill. Then he went away. Duty, he said. Something to do with the army. It was rather mysterious, really. We heard about estates in Dorsetshire and some career in the army. Yet he was here all that time during the summer. Then he went. And his mother left too. I understood her reasons for going. But I should have thought he ...”

“Do you think he had ... upset Damaris?”

“I think it’s likely. I think she may have had something on her mind that worried her and brought on this fever. Then unfortunately she had this collapse when she was out. That made it so dreadful.”

“She will recover “

My mother said: “It has been a long time. She seems to have no life in her. It seems as though she wants to be shut aw a y... by herself . ? ? with just me and Leigh.

So it is wonderful to see her so happy with Clarissa. Oh, I am so glad you came, Carlotta. It has been so long ... so dreadfully long.”

“We must not let these absences happen again,” I said.

“No. Whether Damaris would be fit to travel I don’t know. Perhaps we’ll have one of the new coaches. Leigh was talking about it. That must make travel easier.”

“I don’t think we could have brought Clarissa without the coach. She’s going to have her first pony soon. Benjie thinks she can’t begin too early.”

She took my hands in hers. “I am so glad to see you happy with Benjie. He is such a good man, Carlotta. I shall never forget that terrible time when you and ...”

“Beaumont Granville,” I said.

She shivered as though the mention of his very name had its effect on her.

“We came through it,” she said, and there was a strange note to her voice. “It is all behind us now.... All behind us.”

I was silent. I was not so sure. But I would not say so to her. She had enough to worry her with Damaris in this state.

She said brightly, “I wonder if you have changed your mind about Enderby. It just stands there year after year... that can’t be sensible, Carlotta.”

“No,” I said, “it isn’t sensible.”

I knew then that I never wanted to go into that house again. The memory of Damaris’s coming into that bedroom had suppressed all others.

“Mother,” I said, “I’ve made up my mind. I am going to sell Enderby Hall.”

Naturally we went to Eversleigh within a few days of our arrival. The grandparents were eager to see us.

There was a big family party-the biggest for a long time. My uncle Edwin was there, the present Lord Eversleigh home from the war for a brief while. My other uncle, Carl, was also there. Besides them there was Jane and her son. Then there was my grandfather Carleton and grandmother Arabella, besides myself and Harriet with my mother, Leigh and Clarissa. Damaris was with us. It was the first time she had left the house and Harriet had said that she should go the short distance in the coach and if it was one of her bad days someone could carry her into the house.

“I will,” declared Clarissa which made everyone laugh.

Damaris was about to protest, and Clarissa said: “So you’ll have to come now, Aunt Damaris, or I’ll think you’re laughing at me like all these other people.”

That seemed to decide Damaris.

“Well, I could try,” she said.

My mother was delighted. “I have thought all along,” she said, “that if we could get rid of this listlessness ...”

“If she made an effort, you mean,” said Harriet. “Well, Clarissa has made it impossible for her to refuse on this occasion.”

So Damaris came with us and Clarissa sat beside her and told her all about the coach once more, to which Damaris listened as though enthralled.

My grandmother was delighted to see us and was really excited because Damaris had come.

“It’s a step forward,” she said.