The pool of St Branok

Then there was Grace. I could not think of her as Wilhelmina. What did I know of Grace? I thought of her as she had been when she had arrived at Cador ... "looking for work," she said ... arousing compassion in my mother and me, and all the time she was involved with a murderer, in love with a murderer. What was she doing in the neighborhood of Cador ... and why did he come there? There was so much mystery surrounding her and although I had heard a great deal from Justin, there was much that was not clear to me.

And if neither Ben nor Grace was guilty ... then was it Lizzie herself? Did Lizzie find her life so intolerable that she took it?

Whichever way I looked there was no peace.

Timothy came to see me. He took my hands and kissed me gently on the forehead.

"My dear Angelet," he said. "I have thought of you constantly. This is a terrible tragedy."

"Thank you, Tim," I said.

"There is nothing I can say except that you have my heartfelt sympathy. We miss you very much."

"You mean at the Mission?"

"There and elsewhere. Fanny talks of you constantly, and she is always asking when you are coming down."

"How is she getting on?"

"Splendidly. She is learning to read and write. She could not bear that Fiona should be able to do it and she but a child. So Fiona started to teach her. They are very good friends already, those two. Now Fanny is there with the governess in the mornings. She is making rapid progress. She is a very bright girl."

"Does she know that her stepfather is dead?"

"No. We didn't tell her. It isn't necessary ... just yet. If she asks we shall tell her. I don't think she will shed any tears for him."

"Does she still talk of her mother?"

"No. But she is sad at times and I am sure she is thinking of her. We must expect that. She can't get over it all at once. But things are working out well. She is really very fond of the children. I think she is fond of us all. But you know Fanny. She is not one to betray her emotions. They are there all the same."

"You have done a wonderful job with her, Tim."

"You helped. When I think of the Mission and what so many people owe to it I feel I want to dedicate my life to it."

"Yes, I understand."

"By the way, your friend Grace Hume has been down."

"Down to the Mission?"

"Yes. She told Frances she would like to come. She seems very interested. Frances immediately pressed her into service. She found that she was good with accounts and that sort of thing. And that's the one field where things are in a bit of a mess down there. Grace said she quite enjoyed doing it. I stayed one evening for one of those impromptu sort of meals and we talked. I told her about Fanny. I must say she did seem very interested."

"I can't quite see Grace there. She is so much the social hostess."

"People have many sides to them, Angelet."

"Yes, I have learned that."

"The important thing is when are you coming back?"

I hesitated.

"Angelet," he said. "Let me help. This will pass. It was a great tragedy, and I know how you felt for her."

"I think," I said on impulse, "I shall go down to Cornwall. It is a long time since I have been and my parents are urging me to go. I want to go down there and think ... away from all this."

"I understand."

It occurred to me then that Timothy would always understand.

The thought of going to Cornwall had come to me on the spur of the moment, but as soon as I had said it, it seemed a good idea. I should get away from everything, be able to think more clearly. I had to come to terms with my emotions. I knew now without a doubt that I loved Ben; but Lizzie was between us, as much now as she had been when she was alive. I wanted to protect him; I wanted to help him. At the same time I could not get out of my mind the terrible thought that he might have been tempted to do anything to be rid of her. I knew without doubt that he loved me; and in love, as with everything else, his emotions would be intense. If he had acted on the impulse of a moment could he ever forget? Could I? I knew that in time he would want us to be married.

What would happen? I could not understand my own feelings. In the peace of the country, in the comfortable ambiance of my old home, should I be able to assess ... to think clearly ... to plan reasonably? Could I look at my feelings for Timothy, whom I did love in a quiet way? I knew he was a good man, a stable man. I could have a peaceful life with him. Rebecca would be happy. I could settle into a cozy cocoon of contentment. But would it be complete? Would I ever forget the man who could arouse passionate emotions in me such as I could feel for no one else?

I longed to be at Cador with the familiar things of my childhood around me, with my ever loving parents. Perhaps I could confide in them. Perhaps I could discover which way I must go.

It was inevitable that Ben should come to the house.

He looked pale and haggard.

"Oh, Ben," I said, "it has been such a terrible time."

He looked at me steadily. "It is good to see you, Angel," he said.

I smiled wanly.