The Mousetrap

HIGGS. Well, they’re doin’ that already without murderin’ us. (With maliciously assumed apprehension) Of course, they could kidnap us and ’old us to ransom.

(The DRAGOMAN enters quietly Right.)

MISSPRYCE. Kidnap us! How dreadful.

DRAGOMAN. (Moving suddenly betweenMISSPRYCEandHIGGS; with a beaming smile) You ready go nice walk, ladies and gentlemen?

MISSPRYCE. (Startled) Oh!

LADYWESTHOLME. (Off; calling) Mahommed.

(LADY WESTHOLME enters from the marquee.)

There you are. (She moves below the table.) Didn’t you hear me calling?

DRAGOMAN. Abraham hear someone call Mahommed.

HIGGS. (Moving Left Centre; toLADYWESTHOLME) And ’e put ’is telescope to ’is blind ear.

(SARAH and RAYMOND enter Right and stand down Right. LADY WESTHOLME ignores HIGGS and crosses below him to Centre.)

LADYWESTHOLME. And where are all the servants?

DRAGOMAN. (Moving to Right ofLADYWESTHOLME) Bedouin all sleep now. Later wake up, make dinner. But Abraham Christian. Abraham understand Christian ladies and gentlemen like afternoon instructive walk and then drink afternoon tea. You come now?

HIGGS. Ay, we’re coomin’. Coom on, ladies, and be kidnapped.

MISSPRYCE. Mr. Higgs. Don’t say such dreadful things.

LADYWESTHOLME. (Crossing to Right) If you intend to accompany us, Mr. Higgs, I trust that you will curb your facetiousness and allow those better educated than yourself to enjoy the archaeological and historical interests of this place.

(LADY WESTHOLME stalks out Right. MISS PRYCE follows her off. HIGGS stands for a moment, nonplussed, scratching his head. He can think of no riposte. He chuckles and shakes his head.)

HIGGS. Nay—she got me that time.

(HIGGS exits Right. The DRAGOMAN follows him off.)

SARAH. What a circus! Oof! I want a drink. (ToRAYMOND) Do you think you can find one?

(RAYMOND crosses and exits to the marquee. There is a silence during which SARAH crosses to Right of MRS. BOYNTON.)

This really is a fantastic place.

(MRS. BOYNTON does not answer.)

(She looks at MRS. BOYNTON, smiles and shrugs her shoulders.) Your son and I have had a very pleasant walk.

(MRS. BOYNTON taps with her stick and does not answer. RAYMOND enters from the marquee carrying a glass of lime juice, which he hands to SARAH.)

Thank you.

(SARAH crosses and exits with the drink Right. RAYMOND moves a step or two after her.)

MRS. BOYNTON. Ray, my dear, it won’t do.

RAYMOND. (Stopping Centre and turning) What won’t do?

MRS. BOYNTON. That girl. I encouraged you to go for a walk with her this afternoon against my better judgement—but I don’t like her. I don’t like the way she runs after you. I should just be barely civil to her and nothing more in future, if I were you.

RAYMOND. That’s impossible.

MRS. BOYNTON. Oh, no, Raymond. You’ll do what I say.

RAYMOND. (Moving Right Centre) I tell you it’s impossible. Sarah and I are friends.

MRS. BOYNTON. (Moving a little and fixing him with her eye) You won’t be friends if I don’t want you to be.

RAYMOND. But I shall—I must.

MRS. BOYNTON. You won’t be friends if I don’t want you to be.

RAYMOND. (Crossing down Left) You—you can’t make me do things like that.

MRS. BOYNTON. Nonsense! You’ve always done what I wanted. (Firmly) You always will. You can’t help yourself.

RAYMOND. But Sarah—it’s different . . .

MRS. BOYNTON. It isn’t different, son. You’ve got to give up Sarah.

RAYMOND. No.

MRS. BOYNTON. You are going to give up Sarah.

RAYMOND. (Moving to Left of the table; his voice high and hysterical) No—no—I won’t do it.

MRS. BOYNTON. I always know what’s best for you. (Forcefully) You’ll keep out of her way in future.