The Miracle at St. Bruno's

She frankly admitted that she had always intended to get what she could from life.

"And you must concede, Damask, that I have got a great deal. Life has been kinder to me than to you, yet you have been a better woman than I. You loved your father and you suffered deeply when you lost him. You thought I did not know how deeply but I did, Damask, and while I was sad for you I thought how foolish it was to love one person so much that to lose him can be such a tragedy. I would never love like that... except myself of course.”

"There is great joy in loving, too, Kate," I said. "I remember so many happy times with my father. I would not have missed those for anything in the world.”

"The more happiness you had the greater was your grief. People like you pay for the happiness they get.”

"But not you?”

"I am too clever for that," retorted Kate. "I am sufficient for myself. I make myself dependent on no one.”

"Have you never loved?”

"In my fashion. I am fond of you. I am fond of Carey and young Colas. You are my family and I am happy to have you round me. But this complete and utter devotion-it is not for me.”

We talked of Bruno and what he had done at the Abbey, and what he proposed doing.

"Bruno is a fanatic," she said. "He is the sort of man who will end up at the stake.”

"Don't say that, Kate," I said quickly.

"Why? You know it to be true. He is the strangest man I have ever known. Sometimes he almost made me believe that he was indeed sent from heaven for some purpose. Did you feel that, Damask?”

"I am not sure. I may have felt it.”

"But no longer do?”

I was silent.

"Ah," she accused. "I see you do not. But he believes it, Damask. He must believe it.”

"Why must he? If it were proved...”

"He must. He dare not do otherwise. I know your husband well, Damask.”

"So you have told me before.”

"I understand him as you cannot. We are of a kind in a way. You are too normal, Damask.

I know you well.”

"You always did believe you knew everything.”

"Not everything but a great deal. How he must have suffered when Keziah and the monk betrayed their secret. I pitied him then because I understood him so well.”

"We never speak of it," I said.

"No. You dare not. Don't speak of it. You see what he is trying to do, Damask. To prove himself. I think I might be the same. But I do not have to prove myself. I am beautiful, desirable. You see how I took Remus. I would take any man I wanted.

I know I can; they know it; there is no need to prove it. But Bruno has to prove to himself that he is superhuman. That is what he is doing. But how is he doing it?

How is it possible for one who had nothing… who was turned from his secluded life into the world, to become so wealthy that he can do all that Bruno is doing now? I doubt Remus could have afforded such a vast expenditure.”

"It worries me at times.”

"I doubt it not.”

"Somehow it has all become fantastic... like a dream. Before I married Bruno there was a reason for everything. Now I often feel as though I am groping in the dark.”

"I have a feeling, Damask, that you will grope for a long time and that perhaps it is better so. The darkness is a protection. Who knows what you might see in the blinding light of truth.”

"I would always wish for the truth.”

"Mayhap not if you knew it.”

There were many such conversations with Kate, and I often came from them with the notion that she knew something and was holding it back. These talks stimulated me as they did her. I too liked to watch the children at their games. I devised entertainments for them; and I gave a party for them and some children of the neighborhood. We danced country dances and played guessing games and it was the best of good fun.

Kate never joined in but she sometimes liked to watch.

She called me the eternal mother.

"I'm never going to be able to placate Carey," she said, "when you and the girls depart.”

My mother wrote that the twins were well and the sweat was abating; but I still stayed on.

Kate invited guests to Remus and those were exciting days when we watched from the keep while they rode under the portcullis and into the courtyard.

There would be interesting conversation at dinner and we learned that the Queen Dowager, Katharine Parr, had married Thomas Seymour, with whom she had long been in love.

Kate was amused. "Of course he wanted the Princess Elizabeth but she was too dangerous so he took Queen Katharine instead. A King's widow instead of a Princess who thinks she might have a claim to the throne! Anne Boleyn's daughter." She was pensive, thinking of the glittering, elegant woman whom she had so admired.

Kate giggled over the scandals of the Dower House where the Queen and Seymour lived, for the young Elizabeth was under the Queen's care and there were rumors of a far from innocent relationship between the Princess and Seymour.

On the day when the Queen Dowager died in childbed I returned to the Abbey.