The Devil in Silver

But it was all still salvageable. Pepper would accept the needle. He’d been through that once before. He’d lose more time, but if that was the worst, he could bounce back. After this, he could avoid, all together, the games patients played on the unit. Whatever was on the other side of that door had nothing to do with Pepper and the world he planned on returning to as soon as he could. Let the patients tell all the spooky stories they liked, he would snub them just like they’d snubbed him tonight. Who gave a shit? He could weather it. He could ride out this time at New Hyde if he’d stop getting overwhelmed, emotional, and stick to the larger point. He’d tried and failed before, but he’d really do it now. All systems had their glitches, and Pepper’s mistaken commitment to New Hyde was just one of them. It would work itself out, and he’d be released. He believed this. He knew this. He just had to keep the bigger picture in mind. Like now, stop fighting. Step one in getting on the staff’s good side. Accept the needle—that was step two. After all, things couldn’t get any worse than that.

But then Pepper noticed the orderly had straps with him.

Who were those for?

The orderly pushed Pepper onto his bed and pulled Pepper’s arms down to his sides. He tied Pepper’s wrists to the bed frame with the straps. First the right. Then the left.

The orderly tied up each of Pepper’s ankles next.

Wait.

Wait.

They didn’t need to do this. He was going to be compliant from now on. Didn’t they understand?

The orderly shouted, “We been nice to you, my man! But you ain’t been nice to us.”

“No,” Pepper muttered. “Please.”

His arms and legs pulled at the straps. He wasn’t resisting. It was a reaction beyond his control. These people were tying him down. What else were his limbs going to do but buckle?

The staff members didn’t see it that way.

The nurse needed three tries to hit the vein in his forearm. The first two times she was just stabbing him. When she finally injected a big dose of Diazepam into Pepper’s bloodstream, the doorway of his room was crowded with male patients, watching.

As Pepper faded, he scanned the faces in the doorway. Was Dorry really there? Had she snuck down Northwest 2 so she could see?

The nurse and orderly watched Pepper. Both were huffing from the scuffle. They scowled at him. Pepper pulled at the restraints, but they held.

Now the nurse and orderly shooed the patients from the doorway. They flicked off the lights, left the room, and locked the door behind them.

“Please,” Pepper whimpered in the empty room.

11

PEPPER WOKE UP the next day. His ankles and wrists still bound. This was illegal. According to official guidelines, this should never be allowed. Restraints were acceptable for up to four consecutive hours, then the staff must release the patient. That’s the law. Absolutely. But where were the regulators? A question worth asking in so many fields.

When Pepper had to go to the bathroom he called out for a nurse until Miss Chris heard him and appeared with a bedpan; a plastic bowl with a top shaped like a toilet seat. In her other hand she had a hard plastic pillow the shape and color of a wedge of cheddar cheese. She entered the room and undid one of Pepper’s wrist straps then slid the wedge pillow behind Pepper’s back so he could sit upright. Then she pointed at his butt and said, “Lift.”

He raised his butt as high as it would go and Miss Chris slid his wrinkled pants down. She slipped the bedpan underneath him. She pulled the top sheet over him and as she left the room she said, “I’ll give you some time.”

The back of the bedpan rose higher than the front so it aimed his pelvis at an angle. This allowed all waste to remain in the bowl. Pepper had to shit so that’s what he did. Miss Chris didn’t return to the room for half an hour.

Pepper balanced on the bedpan while one wrist and both ankles were still attached to the bed frame. His body wracked into a bit of a corkscrew. The bedpan dug into his skin and the small of his back closed like a fist. The smell of his own shit rose to his nose. He breathed through his mouth.

Miss Chris wasn’t even the first one back in the room. It was Coffee, blue three-ring binder in hand. He walked in and saw Pepper’s forehead beading with sweat. Pepper waved Coffee closer with his free hand. For a moment Coffee looked stricken, concerned, but then his face dropped all expression. He entered the room and pulled a fresh pen from the plastic cup on his dresser. Then Coffee left.

“That’s cold, Joe!” Pepper shouted.

But a minute after that, Miss Chris returned to the room. “I hear you’re ready for me.”

Pepper said, “I was ready for you twenty minutes ago.”

Miss Chris said nothing, only reached into her pocket and brought out a packet of wet naps. She wiped Pepper’s privates clean and did it thoroughly.