The changeling

She said: “It hurts too much to talk, I know. But it is too soon. As time passes the hurt does not go away ... but it is easier to talk. And you suffer, too ...” I put out my hand and took hers.

She went on: “Sometimes I wonder how I will endure it. It is better when he is away.

Then I can deceive myself... a little. But when he is here and shows so clearly ... Why did he marry me? I ask myself.”

“He must have loved you or he would never have done that.”

“It was done ... how you say? ... without thought.”

“On the spur of the moment. Oh, but I do not believe he would act rashly in such matters. He must have thought you would be happy together.”

“Perhaps. At first ... I thought we might ... but he is obsessed by a dead love.

He cannot forget.”

“Does he still go to the locked room?”

She nodded. “And I am sad and lonely waiting for a husband who does not want me.”

“My poor Celeste.”

“I need to be loved. I am not one to live alone.”

“Perhaps in time ...”

“In time? It is years since she died ... but she is still with him. It is as though she is in this house. I do not know how long I can endure ...” She stared into space. “I could take a lover ... or take my life ... he would not care ...”

“Oh, Celeste, please don’t talk like that.”

“You see ... I love him. I want him as he ... wants his dead wife. We are in a maze ... both of us ... searching for the impossible.”

“Perhaps it will come right in the end.”

“Perhaps,” she said. “That is a word which does not fill me with hope.”

“It may be it is wrong to care for people too much. One gets hurt.”

“He must have been fond of you to marry you,” I insisted. “He needed a wife. I could entertain his guests. It is a help in his career. I am like the first wife. He married her for the goldmine.”

“I think he cares for you, but you see ... there was this special feeling for my mother ... and he just cannot forget her.”

“She is there all the time.”

“Yes, I know ... a shadowy third!”

And between Pedrek and me was the memory of a small girl running to me ... her eyes wild, her clothes torn ... as certainly as Benedict’s obsession with my mother was between him and Celeste.

It might well be that I had been right to get away. We should never have been happy with that shadow between us. It would have flashed into my memory at odd moments throughout my life.

I was glad when we left London for Manorleigh.

Mrs. Emery was shocked at the sight of me. “My goodness me, Miss Rebecca,” she said. “You do look pale ... and I believe you’ve lost some weight. Yes, I’m sure of it... and you were like a beanpole before. That’s Cornwall for you. Well, we’ll have to see what we can do. We’ll get some color back into those cheeks and a little more flesh on the bones.”

I would sit at my window and look down at the winged footed Hermes, at the pond and the haunted seat under the oak tree. If only my mother were here, she would tell me what to do.

Oliver Gerson called. The children and I were pleased to see him. He was one of those people who only have to appear to dispel melancholy. He expressed his great delight in our reunion. He kissed hands all round. Belinda seemed to step right away from her tragedy on his first visit. She jumped about him. Lucie was almost equally delighted. “This is a joyous reunion, I see,” he said. “I am deeply aware of my own delight but it is gratifying to see that it is shared.”

“Why didn’t you come to Cornwall?” demanded Belinda.

“I had my duties here. I am not a man of leisure.”

“I know,” said Belinda. “You work for my father.”

“Which is very fortunate because it gives me an opportunity to be with his charming family now and then.”

His eyes met mine and he smiled warmly. “I wondered when you were going to return from Cornwall,” he said.

“It was a long time,” said Lucie. “And then Belinda got ill.”

“Oh dear me.” He was all concern, turning to Belinda.

“I’m all right now,” she said. “What are we going to do?”

“Well, first I shall have a conference with your father. After that I shall be free for an hour or so. Could we ride ... as we did in the days before you deserted me?”

“We didn’t desert you,” said Belinda firmly. “It was just that we had to go to Cornwall.”

“And now you are glad to be back.”

Belinda did one of her joyous leaps and nodded.

“Well, as they say, all’s well that ends well. Now, if Your Majesty will excuse me ...” He made an elegant bow in Belinda’s direction which delighted her. “... I will get to my duty and later we will ride together ... all of us, the Misses Rebecca, Belinda and Lucie ... and I shall be their guide.”

“Hurry,” commanded Belinda.

He bowed more deeply. “Your wishes shall be granted, my Queen.” How he charmed her! He came frequently to the house and every day she looked for him. She seemed to have completely forgotten her unhappy experience in Cornwall and reverted to her old self.