The Black Swan

When we arrived back we were just in time for luncheon. Phillida was waiting for us. She searched our faces eagerly. She had known Roland was going to ask me to marry him. I was not surprised at that. They were so close and she was the sort of person who would know exactly what was going on, so she would be aware of his feelings for me. I could see by the expectant look on her face that she very much wanted us to marry. I felt then how good it would be if the three of us were together. I could visualize a happy life with them. “How was your morning?” she asked.

“Interesting,” Roland told her.

“The church is so ancient,” I said. “It is amazing how those Norman buildings stand up to time. How did the soufflé go?”

“You’ll be able to judge that for yourselves.” I sensed that she was disappointed. It was wonderful to be with Rebecca again. There was a warm welcome for me at High Tor. Alvina and Jake wanted to take me off to the nursery so that they might show me their toys and Pedrek said how nice it was to see me and that I did not come to Cornwall often enough.

Rebecca, who knew me so well, realized at once that there was something on my mind, and on the very first night after I had retired she came to my bedroom for the customary chat.

“Something’s happened,” she announced. “Is that why you are here?”

“I very much wanted to talk to you.”

“Well?”

“Roland Fitzgerald has asked me to marry him.”

I could see that she was pleased. “Such a nice man. I liked him... and his sister. The way they brought you back from France is an indication as to the sort of people they are.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Well, are we going to have a wedding?”

“I don’t know, Rebecca. I’m so uncertain.”

“You are thinking of Joel still?”

“Of course.”

She took me by the shoulders and looked into my face. “You can’t go on grieving forever, Lucie,” she said.

“I know. That is what Roland says.”

“He knows... about Joel?”

“I told him.”

“Lucie, the sooner you break away from the past it is going to be easier for you.”

“That’s what Roland implies.”

“He’s right. He’s a good man and he loves you.”

“Yes, I think he does. But there is more to it than that.”

“You mean you don’t care for him?”

“I do ... in a way. They have been so good to me... both he and his sister ...”

“Oh, there is his sister. I suppose she feels a little put out.”

“Oh, no, no. I am sure she knew he was going to ask me. You see, we went out riding, just the two of us ... but I felt he had talked it over with her beforehand. Which was natural. She had made an excuse not to come. She was waiting for our return and when there was no announcement I think she was a little disappointed.”

“Oh! So you really think she wants you to marry him?”

“Yes, I do. You see, the three of us get on so well together. She was so much a part of the trio. Roland is rather quiet. She does most of the talking. She is very jolly.”

“And you are fond of her.”

“It would be difficult not to be. She is so charming and so kind. She is really a delightful person.”

“It seems to me that you want to be part of that trio,” said Rebecca. “I rather think I do. But ... I am not sure. It is not so very long since I was thinking of marrying Joel.”

“You must stop thinking about Joel. Couldn’t you have a tentative engagement ... something like that?”

“I think Roland wants a definite answer.”

“Of course he does. But he’ll understand that you are not ready yet.”

“I think he does understand that. It is just that I am so unsure.”

“I think it would be a wonderful idea if you made a fresh start, if you put the past behind you. You’ll never get over it while you go on brooding. There is so much all round you to remind you of it. I don’t think it’s good for you to be in that house in London. I think Celeste should sell it and get right away. It is, after all, where it happened. And then Manor Grange... you were there so much with your father.”

“I could never sell Manor Grange, Rebecca. What about the Emerys?”

 “Yes, I know. It would break their hearts. How they used to love all the entertaining which was done there! They’ve been through so much with us.”

“Mrs. Emery adores you.”

“We always got on well together. We’d talk in her sitting room... over her Darjeeling tea.”

“I think she likes me, too, but for her there is only one and that is you, Rebecca.

You see that I could not bear to disturb them.”

“Well, why don’t you go and stay down there while you make up your mind?”

“And your opinion is that I should marry Roland?”

“Well, we don’t know much about him, but he is certainly very charming and really everything I want for you. I like his relationship with his sister, and she obviously adores him. Well, that shows something of his character, doesn’t it? When you see devotion like that ... it has to be earned and in their case it is mutual. Yes, I do think it would probably be the best thing for you to marry him.”

“It’s so soon. That is what I think.”

“But you’ve got to grow away from it and the sooner the better. I am so glad you came here.”

“I had to talk to you, Rebecca.”