The Black Swan

She stirred her tea thoughtfully. Her expression was one of abject misery. I remembered I had always been amazed at how quickly her moods could change. “You see,” she went on, “I only have the tiniest income. One of the reasons for Tom’s heart attacks I always felt was the tension. He was dreadfully worried about the mine. Mines are gambles. They can make men’s fortunes and break them. It did very well just after Tom bought it and then it began to decline. Trust your father to have got out in time. Poor Tom was so worried he got ill and died. He left everything to my mother, of course... and she got rid of the mine. It was the only thing she could do. Henry Farrell took it over. That was one of the reasons why she was so anxious for me to come to England. She thought Celeste-who, after all, is my aunt would look after me, I’d make a grand marriage and live in luxury for the rest of my life.”

“Well, perhaps that will come to pass.”

“Look at me!” she said. “How do I strike you?”

“Well, I suppose you would be reckoned quite good-looking.”

“Don’t mock! I look like a provincial. How can I get into London society?”

“Who said you were going to get into London society?”

“I shall be living in the house. After all, we’ll get back to normal in time ... and there’ll be entertaining, won’t there?”

“I don’t know. There was a great deal of entertaining when my father was alive.”

“Well, there will be again.”

“Celeste is not a very social person.”

“I suppose you’ll be having a season.”

“Really, Belinda... with everything that has happened... I haven’t thought about that.”

“No. I suppose not. But in the meantime... oh, I feel so wretched! I don’t want to be here... not as some shabby poor relation. I shouldn’t be living in that house with you and Celeste.”

“What nonsense! As you are short of money, I can let you have some. I have enough.”

“I know you’re rich. Lucky old Lucie. Isn’t life ironical? We thought you were the waif and I was the daughter of the house. Not that he would have left all that money to me ... even if he had gone on believing I was his daughter.”

“Stop talking about money. Look, I’m going to give you some.”

“How could I take it?”

“Well, make it a loan and then you can pay me back if you must.”

“How?”

“You’ll find a way, I am sure. Didn’t you always? And now I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

She looked at me with the utmost tenderness. “Oh, Lucie,” she said, “I do love you.

I always did, you know. In spite of the fact that I was such a beast to you.”

“Well, that’s settled then.”

“Lucie, do you really mean you’ll give me the money?”

I looked at her in exasperation, but her face expressed such joy that I smiled.

“Do you remember that dress with the little pleats ... in that lavender shade ... ?”

I nodded, smiling at her enthusiasm.

“If we could go back to that shop ... if I could have that, and that cape and that costume with the severe-looking blouse and the frilly one as well ... if I had those, I could get by for a little while.”

“You shall have them.”

“Oh, Lucie... you... angel! It’s only a loan though. I insist.”

“Only a loan,” I agreed.

So we went back to the shop and bought the clothes which were charged to me; and I felt happier than I had for a long time. It was good to see Belinda so delighted. When we returned to the house we were met by one of the maids. “Oh, Miss Lansdon,” she said. “A Mr. Gerald Greenham has called. He wanted to see you specifically.”

My heart began to beat faster. My one thought was, can there be news of Joel? Belinda, still gloating over her new acquisitions, took them upstairs; and I went into the drawing room.

“Gerald,” I cried. “How nice to see you.”

He came forward and took both my hands. I saw at once that he was excited.

“Is there news?” I asked eagerly.

“Yes... but nothing of Joel yet. The fact is I am going away. I’ve got special leave. I’m going out there, Lucie.”

“You really are! How have you managed it? I should have thought the regiment ...” He smiled at me and grinned. “I’ve got leave. It’s a special case. After all, he is my brother. Anyway, I’m leaving tomorrow. I had to come and tell you.”

“What are you going to do ... when you get there?”

“I’m going to find him, Lucie.”

“Oh, Gerald ... do you really think... ?”

“I’m full of hope, and I had to come and let you know.”

“Thank you. It was kind of you to think of me. And your parents?”

“They think I’m going to find him... and I shall, Lucie.”

“Oh ... I do hope so.”

He told me of his plans. It was a pity the journey would take so long. But he would have plenty to think about on the way. “I am determined to find him ... or at least what has happened.”

“Wouldn’t it be wonderful if he came back!”

He nodded. “Well, wish me luck, Lucie.”

“With all my heart.”

He was so certain that he was going to succeed that he made me feel more hopeful than I had since I had heard of Joel’s disappearance.