The Black Swan

 “Oh, but you and I were always special, weren’t we? We didn’t need family ties. We were brought up together. Then we swapped families. That never ceases to make me marvel. Tell me about everything. What a lot of deaths! First ... I always think of him as our father, for I believed he was mine for so long. Well, he’s dead now. I always hated him and he hated me too. He thought I killed your mother by getting born. And I was not the one after all. It was you.”

“He never held it against me.”

“No. I was the one he hated. He couldn’t believe that his sainted Annora had given birth to such a monster.”

“You were indeed a little monster at times, you know.”

She laughed. “I know. I was a monster by nature. No wonder he was relieved when he found out I wasn’t his.”

I was silent. I knew that was true.

“Then he got his dear little Lucie; and he seemed to be rather pleased about that.”

“He was,” I said defiantly. “We were very good friends.”

“The Wilberforces knew all about the way he died. They brought newspapers with them when they came and I was able to read about those little suppers and everything and how you were with him when it happened. What an awful thing!”

“It was awful.”

“Somebody didn’t like him... besides me.”

“Please don’t be flippant about it, Belinda. I just can’t endure that.”

“Sorry. I’m really sorry, Lucie. But as I was saying ... all those deaths. Dear Leah ... I couldn’t bear that. Not to have her there anymore. She had always been there. I loved Leah. I loved her for all she went through for me. It was bad enough when Tom died... but Leah ...”

“I understand, Belinda. Only it’s hard to talk about it now. It seems too soon.”

“Everything is different now, is it not? Little Lucie... you were always so meek ...just asking people to put on you... always the little waif.”

“I thought I was. And you took pains to remind me of it if I were inclined to forget.”

“That was the little monster again. I’m sorry, Lucie. I’m going to be different now.”

“I hope you will be. We have suffered a great shock... Celeste and I. He meant a great deal to us both. We are having to readjust ourselves. Please don’t make trouble.”

“Trouble! My dear Lucie. I am going to help you ... to take your minds off it.”

“Our minds are so much on it that it will be very difficult to take them off.”

“Leah used to say that I’d be better in London. I’d meet people. She wanted a good future for me.”

“Of course. She was your mother.”

“I suppose he wanted the same for you.”

“I don’t think he thought about it much. We were very important to each other.”

“He wanted to keep you with him, I expect. The devoted daughter and all that. He wouldn’t want to share you with a husband.”

“I don’t know. But he has gone now ...”

“And in a most horrible fashion. Everything that happened to him had to be dramatic.

He was, as they say, larger than life, so spectacular things had to happen to him.

And his going was the most spectacular of them all.”

“Belinda ...”

“All right. I won’t talk of it. You and I, Lucie, are growing up. If all this hadn’t happened, people would be saying it was time we thought about getting married. Has anyone asked you?”

I was silent for a while, then she cried out, “Someone has! Oh, Lucie! Just fancy... you! Tell me about it.”

I hesitated, but I guessed that she would hear sooner or later, so I told her about Joel.

She was intrigued. “Disappeared! My dear Lucie, you do attract disaster. Disappeared in Buganda! On a mission! It’s so thrilling. Oh, he’ll come back, then you can be married. It will be a wonderful wedding. All the press will be there. He ... a Member of Parliament... and all this happening to him. He must come back. It’s hard to think of you... you, Lucie ... in the midst of all this.”

“And what of you?” I asked.

“Well, I haven’t lived in such exciting surroundings, have I? There are no Members of Parliament, terrorists and expeditions to Africa. Just imagine the goldfields.

...”

“My mother used to tell Rebecca about them and Rebecca told me. The campfires and the celebrations when someone found gold. I heard about the songs they used to sing and the shacks the miners and their families used to live in....” I paused and she went on, “Yes, it was like that. I expect it has improved a bit. I was in the big house, of course, and it wasn’t so bad, but I used to long to come home... except when we went to Melbourne. That’s a fine city. I used to look forward to our trips there. But then Tom became ill.”

“He always seemed so hale and hearty when he was here.”

“It was his heart. He had to have a manager. That was when Henry Farrell came.”

I waited eagerly, for clearly she wanted to talk about Henry Farrell. “He was good-looking... one of those men made to command. Very sunburned, as most of them are over there. He took over from Tom. He knew how to deal with men.”

“You sound as though you were attracted by him.”

“I was.”

“And he?”

“He was besotted about me.”

“I guessed that was coming.”

“He wanted to marry me. You see, you are not the only one who has had a proposal.”