Stranger in a Strange Land

G. Proposals of marriage and propositions less formal — file.

H. Letters from scientific and educational institutions — handle as under «E». If answered, use form letter explaining that the Man from Mars was not available for anything; if Jill felt that a brush-off would not do, pass to Jubal.

I. Letters from persons who knew Mike, such as the crew of the Champion, the President of the United States, and others — let Mike answer as he pleased; exercise in penmanship would be good and exercise in human relations even better (if he wanted advice, let him ask).

This cut the answers to a few for Jill, seldom even one for Mike. Jill found that she could skim and classify in about one hour each day. The first four categories remained large; category «G» was very large following the stereocast from the Palace, then dwindled. Jubal cautioned Jill that, while Mike should answer letters only from acquaintances, mail addressed to him was his.

The third morning after the system was installed Jill brought a letter, category «G», to Jubal. The ladies and other females (plus misguided males) who supplied this category usually included pictures alleged to be of themselves; some left little to the imagination.

This letter enclosed a picture which left nothing to the imagination, then stimulated fresh imaginings. Jill said, «Look at this, Boss! I ask you!»

Jubal read the letter. «She knows what she wants. What does Mike think?»

«He hasn't seen it.»

Jubal glanced at the picture. «A type which, in my youth, we called “stacked”. Well, her sex is not in doubt, nor her agility. Why show it to me? I've seen better.»

«What should I do! The letter is bad enough … but that disgusting picture — should I tear it up?»

«What's on the envelope?»

«Just the address and return address.»

«How does the address read?»

«Huh? “Mr. Valentine Michael Smith, the Man from” — »

«Oh! Then it's not addressed to you.»

«Why, no, of course — »

«Let's get something straight. You are neither Mike's mother nor his chaperon. If Mike wants to read everything addressed to him, including junk mail, he is free to do so.»

«He does read most of those ads. But you don't want him to see filth! He's innocent.»

«So? How many men has he killed?»

Jill looked unhappy.

Jubal went on: «If you want to help him, you will concentrate on teaching him that killing is frowned on in this society. Otherwise he will be conspicuous when he goes out into the world.»

«Uh, I don't think he wants to “go out into the world”. »

«I'm going to push him out of the nest as soon as he can fly. I shan't make it possible for him to live out his life as an arrested infant. For one thing, I can't … Mike will outlive me by many years. But you are correct; Mike is innocent. Nurse, have you seen that sterile laboratory at Notre Dame?»

«I've read about it.»

«Healthiest animals in the world — but they can't leave the laboratory. Child, Mike has got to get acquainted with “filth” — and get immunized. Someday he'll meet the gal who wrote this, or her spiritual sisters — he'll meet her by the hundreds — shucks, with his notoriety and looks he could spend his life skipping from one bed to another. You can't stop it, I can't stop it; it's up to Mike. Furthermore,I wouldn't want to stop it, although it's a silly way to spend one's life — the same exercises over and over again, I mean. What do you think?»

«I — » Jill blushed.

«Maybe you don't find them monotonous — none of my business, either way. But if you don't want Mike's feet kicked out from under him by the first five hundred women who get him alone, then don't intercept his mail. Letters like that may put him on guard. Just pass it along in the stack, answer his questions — and try not to blush.»

«Boss, you're infuriating when you're logical!»

«A most uncouth way to argue.»

«I'm going to tear up that picture after Mike has seen it!»

«Oh, don't do that!»

«What? Do you want it?»

«Heaven forbid! But Duke collects such pictures. If Mike doesn't want it, give it to Duke.»

«Dukecollects such trash? He seems such a nice person.»

«He is.»

«But — I don't understand.»

Jubal sighed. «I could explain it all day and you still wouldn't. My dear, there are aspects of sex on which it is impossible to communicate between the two sexes of our race. They are sometimes grokked by intuition across the gulf that separates us, by exceptionally gifted individuals. But words are useless. Just believe me: Duke is a perfect knight — and he will like that picture.»

«I won't hand it to Duke myself — he might get ideas.»

«Sissy. Anything startling in the mail?»

«No. The usual crop who want Mike to endorse things, or peddle “Official Man-from-Mars” junk — one character asked for a five-year royalty-free monopoly — and wants Mike to finance it, too.»

«I admire a whole-hearted thief. Tell him that Mike needs tax losses — so how much guarantee would he like?»

«Are you serious, Boss?»

«No, the gonif would show up, with his family. But you've given me an idea for a story.Front!»