Stranger in a Strange Land

«I certainly will. Get me Gil.» The image was replaced by an abstract pattern; a voice said, «Please wait while your call is completed. This delay is not charged to your account. Please relax while — » Soothing music came up; Jubal sat back and looked around. Anne was reading, out of the telephone's vision angle. On his other side the Man from Mars was also out of pickup and was watching stereovision and listening via ear plugs.

Jubal reflected that he must have that obscene babble box returned to the basement. «What you got, son?» he asked, reached over and turned on the speaker.

Mike answered, «I don't know, Jubal.»

The sound confirmed what Jubal had feared: Smith was listening to a Fosterite service; the Shepherd was reading church notices: « — junior Spirit-in-Action team will give a demonstration, so come early and see the fur fly! Our team coach, Brother Hornsby, has asked me to tell you boys to fetch only your helmets, gloves, and sticks — we aren't going after sinners this time. However, the Little Cherubim will be on hand with their first-aid kits in case of excessive zeal.» The Shepherd paused and smiled broadly, «And now wonderful news, My Children! A message from Angel Ramzai for Brother Arthur Renwick and his good wife Dorothy. Your prayer has been approved and you will go to heaven at dawn Thursday morning! Stand up, Art! Stand up, Dottie! Take a bow!»

Camera made reverse cut, showing the congregation and centering on Brother and Sister Renwick. To wild applause and shouts of «Hallelujah!» Brother Renwick was responding with a boxer's handshake, while his wife blushed and smiled and dabbed at her eyes beside him.

Camera cut back as the Shepherd held up his hand for silence. He went on briskly, «The Bon Voyage party starts at midnight and doors will be locked at that time — so get here early and let's make this the happiest revelry our flock has ever seen; we're all proud of Art and Dottie. Funeral services will be held thirty minutes after dawn, with breakfast immediately following for those who have to get to work early.» The Shepherd suddenly looked stern and camera zoomed in until his head filled the tank. «After our last Bon Voyage, the sexton found an empty pint bottle in one of the Happiness rooms — of a brand distilled by sinners. That's past and done; the brother who slipped confessed and paid penance sevenfold, even refusing the usual cash discount — I'm sure he won't backslide. But stop and think, My Children — Is it worth risking eternal happiness to save a few pennies on an article of worldly merchandise? Always look for that happy, holy seal-of-approval with Bishop Digby's smiling face on it. Don't let a sinner palm off on you something “just as good”. Our sponsors support us; they deserve your support. Brother Art, I'm sorry to have to bring up such a subject — »

«That's okay, Shepherd! Pour it on!»

« — at a time of such great happiness. But we must never forget that — » Jubal switched off the speaker circuit.

«Mike, that's not anything you need.»

«Not?»

«Uh — » Shucks, the boy was going to have to learn about such things. «All right, go ahead. But talk to me later.»

«Yes, Jubal.»

Harshaw was about to add advice to offset Mike's tendency to take literally anything he heard. But the telephone's «hold» music went down and out, and the screen filled with an image — a man in his forties whom Jubal labeled as «cop.»

Jubal said aggressively, «You aren't Gil Berquist.»

«What is your interest in Gilbert Berquist?»

Jubal answered with pained patience, «I wish to speak to him. See here, my good man, are you a public employee?»

The man hesitated. «Yes. You must — »

«I “must” nothing! I am a citizen and my taxes help pay your wages. All morning I have been trying to make a simple phone call — and I have been passed from one butterfly-brained bovine to another, every one of them feeding out of the public trough. And now you. Give me your name, job title, and pay number. Then I'll speak to Mr. Berquist.»

«You didn't answer my question.»

«Come, come! I don't have to; I am a private citizen. You are not — and the question I asked any citizen may demand of any public servant. O'Kelly versus State of California 1972. I demand that you identify yourself — name, job, number.»

The man answered tonelessly, «You are Doctor Jubal Harshaw. You are calling from — »

«So that's what took so long? That was stupid. My address can be obtained from any library, post office, or telephone information. As to who I am, everyone knows. Everyone who can read. Can you read?»

«Dr. Harshaw, I am a police officer and I require your cooperation. What is your reason — »