Polynya

“Relax, Hiccup,” FeeTwix says, “let me handle this.” The Swede steps forward, his chest puffed up. “First, hello, Mr. Ink Shadow, I notice you have a very peculiar accent.” His eyes flash as he reads more messages from his fans. “That’s who he sounds like, Snoop Dogg! I went to his holo-concert with Dr. Dre two years back. Snoop Doggy, dooooogg! Dude’s an icon. Four-twenty, everyone! How I could not place that accent?”

“Who is this Snoop Dogg?” Zaena asks.

“A hip-hop star, super famous, babe. He’s dead now, but his holo-concerts are crazy! Lots of ganja! I’ll take you next time he’s doing a Proxima World tour!”

“Hip-Hop?”

“Rap?” he asks.

“Rap?”

“A type of music. I played some earlier on my boombox before it, um, blew up.”

“What in the fick are you going on about, Twixy!? Snoop Dogg? Who the fick is that? This is serious!”

“Right! Sorry, Hiccup. Ahem, Mr. Ink Shadow, we have important business to attend to in Porthos,” he says firmly. “Either step aside, or … ”

“Let us pass or else!” Ryuk says, pointing his Marble Gun at the ink shadow.

Hiccup goes from scared shitless to shitting his pants with laughter. The ink shadow joins him. “Fick me to tears, Marbles, you have got to step up your tough guy act.”

“Shut up!” Ryuk hisses over his shoulder, trying to silence the goblin’s laughter.

The ink shadow wipes inky tears of laughter from his cheeks. “Can’t say I disagree with the goblin, this fool really needs to step up his game. Shit’s straight pathetic, feel me, playa? Look at your raggedy ass.”

Hiccup shakes his head at Ryuk. “Oh, I feel you there. Fick, I’ve been trying to encourage ball droppage since I met the poor bastard.”

“Shut up!” Ryuk fires three shots at the ink shadow, who slinks out of the way just in time.

“Damn, boy, that’s how we gonna play?” The ink shadow pulls an arm back and swings it at Ryuk.

-100 HP!

Ryuk is tossed backwards into a pile of bones, almost as if his legs were lassoed from behind. Wolf growls and snaps his teeth.

“Boy, you ain’t faster than me,” the ink shadow says, his voice growing serious. “Aim your weapon again, fool, see if I don’t strip your soul from your body and use it as a goddamn wipe for my ass!”

The ink shadow’s visage moves from sinister to jovial. “Now where were we? A game of Natty Dread, huh? Nah, that ain’t my thing, man, I told you fools. Besides that, my Wheel of Dread is broken as fuck.” He thinks for a moment. “Don’t y’all worry, I got a game we can play, playas, your canine too.”

“So it’s a game you want then?” Zaena asks.

The ink shadow shrinks in form, disappears into the arena floor, and then lifts up from the ground directly in front of the Thulean. “The Thulean likes games, huh?”

“No, nor do I like pathetic pissants like you.”

“Fick yeah, Liz, tell that fickered fick twat!”

“Konoshlava doka duchaka!” Zaena grits, bearing her teeth.

“Prepare my ghost limbs to die … ” The ink shadow considers this for a moment. Two fingers form in the air and he snaps them together. “Damn, girl, that ain’t a bad idea! A winner takes all fight that pits one of you against ya homies.”

Hiccup gasps. “You mean ... Frenemy?”

The ink shadow snaps his smoky fingers again. “Yeah, that’s what it’s called – Frenemy. My bad for forgetting the name. Thought it was something like Friend Killer. Shit, but you right, Frenemy, that’s what we’ll play.”

“Take Marbles!” Hiccup points his mechanical finger at Ryuk. “He’s our strongest!”

“Frenemy?” Ryuk asks, glancing between his guildmates. “Don’t volunteer me!”

Hiccup continues, “Trust me, pal, you’ll want to go with Marbles here. Real tough guy over here.” He steps behind Ryuk and pushes him towards the ink shadow. “He’s the strongest of all of us, believe you me. I was just joking earlier. He’s built as fick under that emo hood of his.”

The ink shadow’s semi-visible face contorts. “Damn, you think I was born yesterday, playa? Nah, I got bigger plans.”

The ink shadow moves over to FeeTwix just as Zaena steps in front of him with her blades drawn.

“What the hell is going on?” Ryuk asks Hiccup, who still cowers behind him.

“Frenemy. It’s the fickin’ worst game, kid,” he says as the ink shadow sizes FeeTwix and Zaena up.

“I’ve never heard of it.”

“Choose the wolf!” Hiccup shouts. “He’ll be the easiest to kill,” he stage-whispers to Ryuk.

“Shit, sorry, goblin, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, well, you ain’t gonna fool me twice.” The ink shadow laughs. “Y’all fools ever heard that one? Anyway, I got my choice. The commoner with the blond hair.”

With that, the ink shadow lifts into the air and torpedoes into every open orifice on FeeTwix’s face.

Wolf barks like crazy. Zaena grabs the Swede’s hands, trying to drag him away.

But the force is too great.

FeeTwix yanks his hand away, his eyes murky black as he turns to his guildmates and drops into a battle stance.

“We’re so ficked,” Hiccup laments.

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