Myth-Gotten Gains

Calypsa and I were both champing at the bit to get out, but every time I thought of interrupting Asti's soup line, I found I just couldn't do it. Hungry Toadies came from everywhere to join the line. Whatever the Cup was serving must have been pretty good, because none of them wanted to let go of her even when the bowl was empty.

"All right," the Cup said, faintly, as the last of the Toadies staggered out of the door into the night, replete. "Let's go."

"Right," I said. I glanced down at Chin-Hwag. 'You have any special implements, gizmos or containers you need us to pack?"

"No," she said cheerfully. "Just stick me in your knapsack anywhere. Not in your belt. I do not wish to be seen by the locals. It might tempt them too much. They have been good so far. As long as all of them are poor, then no one is above anyone else."

Buirnie let out a whistle of protest. "You deserve something, even a bag."

"Pah. I am already a bag. You don't put a bag in a bag. I don't need anything. I have lived in behind a broken plaster wall for thirty years."

"You can share my satchel," the Book said.

The embroidery rolled in his direction. "That's nice of you, but it doesn't look like there is much room."

"It is kind of snug," the Book agreed. "But I would be honored if you would like to room with me."

"Or me!" Buirnie said. "Why, I have lots of luggage. You can have whatever bag you choose!"

"No, thank you. I think I will fit in Aahz's purse."

"Fine," I said. "Let's just get out of here, all right?" I pulled open my poke and extracted the tax collector's ticket from it. "C'mon."

"Do not touch me with that," Chin-Hwag said, alarmed. "I am allergic to plastic."

"You have an allergy?" I asked in disbelief.

"There was no plastic in the time that I was made. Nor several other modern materials, either. That is why I have been glad to be here in this humble place."

"Suit yourself," I said, tossing the ticket into a trash barrel next to the food preparation area. "Everyone ready?"

A ragged Toady came running into the mission. He collapsed at Hylida's feet.

"The Majaranarana's men are coming back!"

Chapter 20

THE ARMED NEWTS came galumphing into the shabby square.

"There are a lot more of them than before," Tananda said, peering over my shoulder. She was holding Kelsa's bag and Buirnie's case. "We need to bamf out of here ASAP. Calypsa, hurry!"

"You!" Horunkus shouted, spotting me in the doorway. "Halt! Stay where you are!"

I sprang back into the mission, glancing around for Calypsa. She was there, but she'd picked up a few friends. A number of the tax collector's men had sneaked in through the holes in the wall. They surrounded the Walt with lowered spears. Another bunch had rounded up Hylida and her worshipers. Two of the armored Toadies came up to take Tananda by the elbows.

Horunkus swung down from his mount and swaggered over to me. I stuck the purse in my belt to disguise it.

"Nobody open your mouth," I warned them, hoping the Majaranarana's men hadn't noticed the animated drum stand or the flying light. "Let me do the talking." I gave the captain my most ingratiating smile. "Long time no see! What can we do for you, gentlemen?"

The blond bewigged official puffed himself up.

"I have come to collect the taxes. There are more fees you visitors must pay. Many more fees."

I had just about reached the limit of emotional range I could handle, almost being ashamed of being greedy in the face of the selflessness of this dimension's own Mother Teresa, and having my butt kicked around the block by the Hoard over my shortcomings, on top of already almost emptying my pockets for this blowhard. I leaned toward him, my teeth gritted.

"Forget it," I said. "I've already coughed up enough."

"Then we start confiscating things." He eyed the treasures distributed among us. "I think I'll start with that flute."

"Oh, yeah?" I asked. "Confiscate this!"

I hauled off and socked him in the jaw. Horunkus went flying, but he had brought plenty of backup.

Before I even dropped my fist, I had five hulking Toadies on my back. They were more unwieldy than heavy. I bent my knees and flipped two of them off over my head. They landed on their backs with a crash. Three to go.

Twenty or thirty of Hylida's flock jumped in and started hitting the fallen with bowls, rocks, anything they could pick up.

"Please!" the little Abbess cried, surrounded by four or five newtsmen, who were in turn surrounded by more worshipers trying to get her free. "Violence never solved anything!"

"It's sure a handy timesaver, sister!" I shouted.

I swung in a circle. Two of the Toadies stumbled off. I backed the other three into the wall. Half the plaster crumbled off on their heads. One of them tried pounding on my head. I grabbed his wrist and flipped him overhand. He went sailing through the air.

SPLASH!

The Toady guard landed in the pot of boiling stew.

"Auggh!" he shouted, surfacing. He leaped out and dashed out the door.

"Waste of good food," I commented.