Myth-Gotten Gains

"I thought I told you to zip it!" I whispered to her. "Now, captain," I said, my voice at its most silky, "you wouldn't want it getting around that Sri Port's officers rob travelers under the guise of determining the value of the goods they're carrying, do you? That'd dry up your import stream in a matter of weeks."

I didn't think I had come across the only honest politician I had ever met. He had almost certainly been on the edge of doing exactly that. I wanted him to know that I knew, and that unless he locked me and my friends up, we'd certainly spread the word. Horunkus didn't want to be responsible for losing any part of the revenue coming in, if Hylida's description was accurate. Horunkus's warty brow drew down under the ridiculous blond wig.

"Of course we are honest with travelers!" Horunkus protested, a little too readily. "I will estimate the market value myself, then. Five gold pieces each, times five items." The tape rolled up and curled over the top of the tablet. "And you say that they come from this Bum-kiss?"

"Bupkis," I corrected him. "But for you, Bum-kiss is appropriate."

He didn't get the insult. "Then you are also subject to import tax. That is another seventeen percent. Payable on demand." He tapped some more numbers into his machine. "And there will be a transportation tax of four gold pieces each..."

"We walked."

"Hmm. Road use tax. You used the roads, I assume?" He peered at me over the top of his tablet.

"We're magicians! We came in by magik!"

"Right here? To this space?"

"I saw them come through the market," a small Toady said, running up to Horunkus's stirrup. He made a face at me and stuck out my tongue. It was Shagul, the kid Kelsa had pointed out to me. If I could have reached the little brat at that moment, I would have wrung his neck, but two of the soldiers poked me in the neck with their spears. "One of them's a soothsayer! She told me to go and do my homework!"

"I see," Horunkus said, and pursed his mouth. "Well, then, you will need a permit for fortunetelling."

"We're not opening up shop here!"

"But it sounds like you have already delved into other people's business here."

"It was just a passing remark."

"And penalty for humil...I mean, assaulting the guard. Unless you would rather serve time in the Royal Penitentiary instead?"

The guy had absolutely no sense of humor. "Aw, come on, it was just a little rough-housing!"

"Disturbing the peace," Horunkus said, writing more on the tablet in his hands. I was getting more and more torqued off as the strip on the top of the tablet grew longer.

"That comes to a total of thirty gold pieces, eight silver. Payable upon demand." He tore off the strip and handed it to me.

"You're out of your mind," I informed him, looking over the list of charges.

"Insults! Do you wish me to add another penalty, for insulting one of His Lofty Monarch's officers?"

Tananda and Calypsa looked at me. It was hard to argue that he had caught us red, or rather, gold-handed, since we were standing there holding the equivalent of an emperor's annual wages. I could have gotten out of there with the D-hopper, and Tananda had enough magik to travel the dimensions herself, but we would have had to leave Calypsa by

herself in the middle of a troop of unfriendlies. As much as the alternative pained me, I couldn't do that. I reached for my wallet. Horunkus's flunky stuck out his palm.

Every coin I had to part with was a death knell to my heart. Every shining little disk seemed to cry out to me, "Don't send me away!" I gritted my teeth, because hesitating seemed to bring me out in a rash of jab marks from the guards' swords. One by one, I counted out the coins. Some of them had been handsomely milled and beautifully struck; others were more timeworn, but precious for their experience in the universe. It was more painful than I could stand.

"That's thirty," the captain said. "Eight silver pieces."

I felt around in my scrip. I had four silver pieces and a handful of coppers. I balanced them in my hand against the one remaining gold piece I had.

"Would you take an IOU?" I asked hopefully.

"I will take cash!"

Very reluctantly, I held out the 31st gold piece. The captain snatched it from me and dumped all the coins into a heavy leather pouch at his saddlebow.

"Thank you, stranger," Horunkus said, signing to his men to lower their spears. "Welcome to Sri Port. I hope you enjoy your stay here."

"Hey, wait a minute, what about my change?"

Horunkus gave me an 'are you out of your mind?' look. "I could add on a 'Questioning the authority of the Majaranarana' tax," he said, smugly.

"That's it," I breathed, my ire rising. This guy was due for a clobbering, no matter what it cost me later.

"Yes, that is it," the nun said, stepping in between us and holding out a minuscule handful of coins. "Here is the mission's tax payment for the week. Thank you, gentlemen." She turned me away from the soldiers and hurried us inside.

"Well, he squeezed us for everything we had," I said, feeling glum.