Moscow Machination

The Leader grabbed the receiver and barked, “What is this asshole day? Sergey you dried up piece of shit, how dare you call me? Where are your protocols mofo? I am not talking to anyone lower than Anna Fucking Petrova herself.”

“… nobody talks to Sergey like that…”

The Leader hung up the phone. He had no intention of missing a bear beat down.

Chapter 14

Kremlin, Moscow

Anna Petrova felt invincible that morning. Walking the Kremlin’s power corridors, she finally felt ‘in place’. In the past year she had been jerked around by one dumb crisis after another, plus the Russian bureaucracy hadn’t helped either. Not anymore. Not anymore.

Everything looked different in Project Catie’s glow. Her guards Mika, Marat and Vlad had become more respectful towards her. No kid gloves.

To execute Project Catie and revive the Russian glory, she needed a few people. Not too many to fuck it up, but just a couple maybe. Sergey Luzkhov, had been rising through the Foreign Ministry, ever since 90s. Being the second most powerful dude in her administration, he had helped her navigate Crimea and the ensuing sanctions. Above all he seemed to be a Patriot who believed in Russia.

* * *

Sergey Luzkhov, the bespectacled diplomat and patriot stood up as the President walked into his office. He seemed flustered.

“Morning Sergey. Everything alright?”

“Dimitroff our man in Pyongyang has failed. I tried to do damage control and I ended up making things worse. My responsibility.” Luzkhov put up his hands defensively.

“What did you do?” asked Anna apprehensively. Was Sergey cracking?

“Well I broke protocol and spoke to that punk directly and he got pissed. Now he will only talk to you.”

Anna was slightly relieved. Project Catie was going to hurt a ton of countries, but The DPRK probably wasn’t one. The dumb brat could come in handy later. She didn’t have much to lose.

“Ok, fine. Get him on the phone right now. What does he want in return for the tiger?”

“God knows what that bum wants. Probably S-400 SAMs. Or aid… but most likely cocaine.”

“Don’t overthink it Sergey.”

“Ok Ma’am, but just make that you address him as Dear Leader or Leader.”

Five minutes later President Petrova was on the phone with the Great Leader.

Unlike the prickly conversation with Sergey, the Leader was quite jovial. The Packers had delivered the bear beat down.

“Hello Madam President. How are you?”

“He is probably high,” whispered Sergey.

“Leader, thank you for taking my call. You can call me Anna.”

“Oh ok, Anna… Anna I am huge fan of you and your work and your values. I like the new direction Russian direction.”

“You are very kind Dear Leader. I just wanted to thank you and your forces for saving our Russian treasure Zoya and staving off a nuclear strike.”

“Oh, did Sergey put you to this. We roughhouse all the time Anna. Don’t worry about it.”

“That is a relief Leader. Thank you.”

“Before you say anything, I am putting Zoya on the next deluxe train to Moscow.”

“But…”

“No buts Anna… I insist.”

“Don’t you want anything in return… Leader?”

“Did old Sergey tell you I demand things? Did he say I cry like a baby?”

“That devious shit,” seethed Sergey quietly.

“Uhh. No Dear Leader, Sergey has been all praise. In fact he invites you to his hometown Kirov. He wants to showcase its rich history.”

“Thanks. Tell him, I will think about it.”

“Good. Is there anything else, you would like to discuss Dear Leader?”

“Hmmm… let’s see… there is this one little thing…”

“Aha, I knew it. Here comes the dagger Madam,” frothed Sergey unable to contain his glee.

“I am all ears Dear Leader.”

“Anna, your predecessor’s administration made a deal with us. Your homeboy Sergey who is hiding behind your sweet behind is well aware of this.”

“I am not fucking hiding behind anyone’s back,” replied Sergey in a tightly contorted tone.

“Sergey Luzkhov in the flesh? Well Madam… Anna the deal, was we send you some sweet ores… iron ores, in exchange of something we need.”

“Which is?”

“Fish.”

“Fish?”

“Yes my people love some good fish and chips.”

“We have been sending the fish… by the train load,” interjected Sergey.

“No. You have been sending us rotten fish you rotten piece of shit,” remarked the Leader.

“Rotten?” asked Anna. Sergey was silent.

“My people have been eating the same rotten fish that Zoya ate for months. The same rotten fish that made Zoya sick. The same rotten fish that made Zoya salivate at the Chinese snipers. The same rotten fish that made Zoya puke and faint.”

“Jesus that’s awful. Sergey did you know about the rotten fish?” asked Petrova.

Sergey seemed lost. Eventually he shrugged, “I delegated it to our Vladivostok office.”

“No shit,” yelled the Leader, “that clown is fishy as fuck Anna.”

“Dear Leader, I am terribly sorry. I am sorry for what we have put you and your people through.”

“Wow! Anna, Anna, Anna… did you just say sorry? Now there’s a word I have never heard a Russian utter!”