Lament for a lost lover

When I returned to my room I felt shaken. I was glad Harriet was not there. My happiness with Edwin made me understand Charlotte’s grief. She must have loved Charles as I did Edwin. It was unbearable ... Thank God I had been on the spot. Poor Charlotte! My new sister! I made up my mind I was going to care for her. I saw very little of Charlotte for the next few days. I had a notion that she was avoiding me. I could understand that. Naturally would feel embarrassed by what had happened and I would remind her of it. Though when I did see her a warm glance passed between us, and I glowed with pleasure thinking of the good I would bring to Charlotte when I was married to Edwin. I would give parties for her and find a husband who would be so much better than Charles Condey.

Then the letters arrived from Cologne ... earlier than we had expected. My parents had written:

Our dearest daughter,

Your news fills us with joy. We have been so anxious about you. Everything is so difficult in view of the times we live in. And now this has come about. Lord Eversleigh shares our joy. He is a charming man and there is no one we would rather have as our son-in-law than Edwin.

Lady Eversleigh will tell you the news and this may mean a change of your plans. Rest assured, dear Arabella, that if Edwin and you agree to the suggestion, you have our blessing. She will explain everything to you. Our love, our congratulations on this wonderful thing that has happened. We are assured of your happiness. Your loving parents, Richard and Bersaba Tolworthy.

I was a little bewildered by the letter but was not long left in doubt. I had scarcely finished reading it when one of the servants came in to tell me that Edwin was asking that I join him in the salon.

I went down at once. He was standing by the window, and when I came in he hurried towards me and took my hands in his. Then he drew me to him and held me fast. “Arabella,” he said, his face against my hair, “I shall be going away very soon.”

“Oh, Edwin,” I cried, all the joy in being with him deserting me. “When ...”

“There are two weeks left to us,” he said. “So ... we are going to be married immediately.”

“Edwin!”

I withdrew myself and looked at him.

He smiled brightly, but I fancied there had been a faint cloud on s brow which he hastened to dispel.

“It is what they wish,” he said, ... “my parents ... and you. And you, Edwin ...” I heard myself say in a rather small, frightened voice. “I want it more than anything on earth.”

“Then so do I.” He picked me up, and as my feet were swept off the ground he hugged me.

“Come,” he said, “let us go and tell my mother.”

Matilda Eversleigh’s feelings were mixed. She was overjoyed that the marriage was to take place so soon and at the same time apprehensive about Edwin’s journey overseas. “There must be no delay,” she said. She knew of a cleric who would marry us and he should be sent for at once. The smaller of the two salons should be transformed into some semblance of a chapel and the ceremony would be a simple one. I could not believe this was happening. Such a short time before I was in Chateau Congreve and had never heard of Edwin Eversleigh. Now I was to be married to him. I thought of the children who had been left behind and wondered what they would think when they heard the news.

We should just have a week or so together before Edwin left. I felt life was moving along too fast for me to savour it fully.

But I was happy ... as I would never have believed I could be. I was deeply, romantically in love, and it seemed fate was determined that nothing should stand in the way of our union and was in fact rushing us madly towards it.

Edwin and I rode together, talked together and made plans for future. Soon, he said, we were going home, and home was Eversleigh Court. There we should begin our married life, and it soon, for they would not be sending him to England if must they were not almost certain that the people were ready to rise against Puritan rule and recall the King.

There in Eversleigh Court all would be well with England . and with us. The days flew by and yet there was so much to do in each of them. I was exhausted by bedtime and usually fell fast asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow. I was glad, because I did not wish to talk to Harriet. Since my encounter with Charlotte I had felt aloof from her. I thought she had deliberately set out to attract Charles, with what tragic consequences I knew, because I had helped to avert them. I woke up one night and was aware that Harriet’s bed was empty.

I called her name softly but there was no reply.

I lay there wondering where she was. I could not sleep because I was so uneasy.

It was just before dawn when she crept in.

“Harriet,” I said, “where have you been?”

She sat down on her bed and kicked off her shoes. She was wearing her nightgown and a wrap over it.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she said. “I went down into the gardens and walked a bit.”

“At this time of the night!”